Well, it's just that I've been going through my regular battle with God over my vocation. Sometimes we just go at it because I think that if God is going to give me a vocation, He ought to make it easy, successful at every turn, effortless, and endlessly gratifying. I mean, really, is that too much to ask?
Thing is, every time I rail at God on this topic, I get this message back:
Be Here Now.
Translated, it could be more like “shut up and do what you’re sent to do!”
I do worry it all to death- am I where I’m supposed to be? Am I doing what I’m supposed to be doing? Am I doing it right? Should I go be a toll booth worker on the interstate, or a letter carrier for the post office?
I’ve felt pretty sure (really, very sure) of my calling since I was a junior in high school. The vocation of Youth Ministry fit me like nothing else did. What’s funny about that, in retrospect, is that what I thought I was “getting into” is not very much like what I do today, at all. I never dreamed I’d be focused so much on faith formation- my vision of YM was firmly rooted in the 1980’s model of program planning; social, spiritual, cultural, service. I thought my days would be filled with trips to here and there, and events at the Church. Turns out I’m not that great at trips and events- but I have a heart for evangelization and catechesis. Go figure!
Oh, so, the reason I haven’t blogged much lately is that I’ve been grumpy about my lot in life, and couldn’t think of anything but complaints to write, and that’s not what I want this blog to be. But I’ve been put back in place by God (as always) and I’m ready to go…
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2 comments:
Margo, wouldnt it be funny to have a total JOB (the complaining prophet, not the work kind of job) blog where you could complain and moan and groan. And people could only contribute to it if they also bewailed their fate. I bet it would be very liberating. love you!
ahh - how we are always compelled to 2nd guess ourselves, our friends, our bosses, our God. And in the end it doesn't matter WHAT job we do - it only matters HOW we do it. It doesn't matter who we choose for friends, only how we treat them.
It doesn't matter whether God "calls" us or not - only that we don't blame Him for it either way. PS: if you are "called" it evidently (from all I've read or heard)is obvious, even if you try to avoid it or deny it or be blind and deaf to it - it keeps appearing in front of you until you can't deny it. If you haven't been called, there is no problem with pursuing something you want. Just don't ignore Gods real "call" while chasing something that YOU wish He had called you for. Success or failure is not an issue - if you respond to His call, you will succeed because He will see to it. The ONLY thing you need to concern yourself with is "did you recognize His voice and did you respond properly?"
Sorry to say, nobody can help you decide. If you are called, only your heart and ears can hear it. Only you can choose to accept it. The good news is, we can all help you chase it - and gladly will (whatever "IT" turns out to be - if you are already doing it or have yet to figure it out) Who knows - maybe being your friend is OUR calling. God works in mysterious ways!
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