When I decided to blog, I had some things to think about. I've read lots of blogs and there are lots of styles out there. The blog seems to be made for angry people, who feel suddenly free to express their nastiness with abandon. Now don't get me wrong, I have lots of nasty opinions and have been known to sling them. Recently PJ asked me "where is your righteous indignation???" (this was before the rail about my former parish...)
But I have read what happens when you get a-goin' and say nasty things on a blog in the assumption that you're anonymous. No one is anonymous forever, This I Know. So I try to write with the understanding that what I write today may be read in ten years, by someone who may be shocked to recognise themselves described vaguely in an entry. I've seeeeeeen it happen.
I also think about who is reading... that is, for the most part, I know who is reading. Some people happen upon this page in some random way, but for the most part it's family, friends, and some colleagues. Scott, lately, has been mentioning its existence to people and I feel a pang of anxiety... what will this person think about what I've written? It's a bit of a peek into my brain. Am I ready for that?
Last week Scott mentioned my blog to some of the people at the Institute, and they wanted to read it. Now, what will they think of what I thought about the Institute? Will they think I'm way off, crazy, wrong? I don't think my opinions on the week were that radical, but, you see, the ante has been upped. Un-anonymity calls for and brings accountability.
I was telling friends the other night that I am trying to be very careful not to say anything that might be read as too negative by whoever is the first person from my parish to discover this blog, and was assured that I'm doing an okay job at that. So... welcome visitors, friends, specific family members :) Comment away, let me know if I've crossed some line, pray for me to keep positive and responsible. And thanks- being read makes me feel mighty important!
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2 comments:
Oh the dangers of publishing your thoughts! When I write, often I am not fully aware of what my feelings or thoughts are. I clearly know the surface, but haven’t looked too much beneath. As I write and see the words on paper and contemplate my next sentence – that is when then underlying feelings and more deeply rooted conflicts become visible to me. Often what I thought I was writing about (and feeling or believing) evolve into something quite different by the time the last statement is made. Then I must decide if I should actually release it for public consumption. Indeed I started to write because I knew the world needed to hear my thoughts, but discover through the process that “no” it was me who had to hear it (the REAL issue) for myself. So then should my original target audience still hear it? Sometimes “Yes”, sometimes “No”. In the end, putting your thoughts into words is a good process. Knowing that others will read then reminds you to take more care to think more deeply about you are writing. Blowing off steam only feels good temporarily – right up until you discover that you hurt someone or you realize you had some other issue going on that had confused your thinking and what you were originally mad about (and spouted off about in print) wasn’t even valid. I prefer writing. When I speak my mind, I can’t then un-speak it. Too late, the damage is done. IMing is better. I have a brief moment to discern, but often jumbled within continuing exchanges, so once I have hit the [send] button I can’t un-send it. This I can work on and off and on all day in a “Word” document, think about it, come back later, edit, proofread, decide (not that this is foolproof). What I think is perfectly clear, someone else will interpret in a way I had never imagined. In the end, if something needs to be said, it should be said. You can’t try to “protect” your audience – sometimes they need to be “unprotected”. Jesus didn’t try to protect his listeners from difficult or controversial news. He told his followers “You will be persecuted”. He told the rich man how to get into Heaven – “sell all you own”. He simply spoke the truth – with authority. Some listened – some didn’t. Some followed – some ran away. In the end, you are only responsible for what you say. Your readers are responsible for how they take it. So “Write on girl!”
I believe what I actually said was, "self-righteous indignation".
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