Friday, February 27, 2015

Change is HARD

My sister had a blog for a while a few years back, and the last entry she wrote was titled "Change is HARD." I finally had to stop checking for new posts because every time I dialed it up I was reminded of that fact. And Oh, do I get it that it's hard to write when you're going through Stuff. I can't bear to look and see when my last post was here...
Not everything in the last year has been bad, but it has all been change. Scott and I had a great conversation the other night where we talked about our different views of gratefulness, and while Scott is working on being more grateful for Lent, I confessed that I'm so grateful for my life as to be afraid to lose it all. I am so thankful for what I have that it's hard for me to make changes that will move me out of This Moment, for which I am so thankful. It's a weird paradox, and this is the curse of being me.
Just in this last year I've left a job I loved, have watched my parents grow even older and worked to be a good part of the care team for them that is my siblings. I have fallen in love with my new parish community, even as they struggle so hard to grow while simultaneouly struggling so hard not to.
And there have been deaths. My former pastor, boss, and friend died last month after a shockingly quick illness at a too-young age. A week later the man who was my first boss/pastor in my first ministry job died too.
The last few weeks at work we've been cleaning out a huge rectory to sell, and even though the memories there weren't mine, it is always such an emotional process to empty a house. And overwhelmingly hard work. So many rooms, so many steps, so many nooks and crannies! So many little things. Everyone making adjustments everywhere.
Scott and his staff are making adjustments too, with a new Administrator and new ways and fresh memories and painful grief.
OH and the SNOW! It's been near-constant, and super cold, so once it falls it stays. It makes for a very gloomy time, all things totalled.
In the mornings when I take Callie out to walk, I hear birds. The ice, which is everywhere, pops when we step on it because it's been melting underneath just a bit during the days. And the light- where I used to watch the sunrise  while Callie did her stuff, now the sun is UP. And it's still bright-ish  for our evening walk. Somehow I can feel it- spring is coming. I love that Lent and Spring are coincidental. Winter can be its most strong and miserable and powerful, but it cannot hold back spring. And death, death can do what it does but it cannot hold back life, cannot win over resurrection.
Change is HARD. But Easter is coming.