So maybe I'm a little stressed, so what?
As we move in time toward Dad's bypass surgery, we count down the days while trying to think ahead, imagine every possible need and outcome, and plan for any and every sequence of events. We can't change anything in my Dad's heart but we can think about what meals to prepare for them, what visits to schedule, what snacks to bring for eating in the waiting room, etc. etc... lots of Facebook messages and phone calls.
Overall, I've felt pretty good about the whole thing- no nagging anxiety, no sleepless nights, I really feel pretty positive about it and am looking forward to having it behind us all. I am sure the recovery will be hard and uncomfortable for Dad (and for all of us) but it'll be better than the suspense, waiting for the day to come and hoping he doesn't have a heart attack before then.
So, in sum: feeling good, not stressed. But yesterday my face erupted!! I have a massive cold store on the corner of my lower lip. Judging by how it feels, I'd say it's about the size of a small oven-stuffer roaster. But it's probably smaller than that, to the casual observer.
I haven't had a cold sore in... I can't even remember! So it makes me think... maybe I'm a little anxious after all. The surgery happens 4 days before our first big event at work, which is a pretty major undertaking, with lots of details that I am (or Scott is) in charge of. It's a good thing, and I'm excited for it, but... lots of details and hard work. Two days before the surgery is another big event (volunteer luncheon/workshop) that I'm in charge of. Lots of details. I mean, hey, that's my job, and all these events will be great, and maybe it'll be good for me to be distracted and busy during this time. But at the same time, it's a lot.
So while I feel pretty calm, I guess my lips say otherwise!
Saturday, September 08, 2012
1) Let's just get this out of the way. My Dad is scheduled for bypass surgery in a couple of weeks. There are lots of us- a base group of 10 people (11 counting Mom) on Team Dad. It's good- very good. And believe me when I tell you that communication is copious. Over the past several months, Dad has not been able to drive, so we've been taking turns getting him and my Mom where they need to go. The bulk of the burden has sat on the shoulders of my sister and brother, who live in the same town as Mom and Dad, but we've been trying to help out some, from here in MA- which, after all, isn't that far away. Now that we have a date, we're battening down the hatches, and getting ready to support Mom through Dad's days in the hospital and maybe rehab. We are mobilizing the troops. It's good not to be an only child. Anyhoo, keep him in your prayers, would ya?
2) I have been reading up a storm! I guess I'm finally fully recovered from grad school... this summer I've read some great fiction- just today I finished Code Name Verity, which incredibly is called a teen book (Amazon at least says it's for age 14+, which I guess sounds about right). It's full of intrigue and suspense and dear characters that I couldn't help but root for, and some surprises too.
3) I am the daughter of a World War II buff, and learned a lot about the war through him (the aforementioned Dad). Lots of WWII movies, lots of documentaries, lots of books. I have a pretty vivid imagined image of war, at least the version of war that happened back in the day before drones and when everything was analog and low-tech. When I have nightmares, which is rare, they usually feature a WWII kind of scene, bombed out or under air attack. One early morning as I was leaving my apartment, a WWII-model plane buzzed over my head, low and loud. It was nothing like the little planes that usually fly over (we live near a little municipal airport- turned out there was an air show going on that I hadn't heard about...) and I had this weird flashback to something I'd never actually experienced. It was all I could do not to hit the deck.
4) I think it's my vicarious war experience (which is to say, Dad didn't exactly "experience" the War himself- he was a kid- he experienced it from the home front) that helps me be satisfied with just enough. I have a plan for evacuation, if it ever comes to that, and I think about food sources and emergency supplies, for the day that maybe we don't have access to the things we have now. I appreciate our abundance, and feel unbelievably fortunate. Vicariously-vicarious experience of war, I reckon, is the best way to experience it.
5) On yet another completely un-related topic, I am realizing that something needs to change for me, footwear-wise. Every summer for the last few years, I've bought a new pair of teva flip-flops, which have been lovely. They have "mush" bottoms, and I could stay on my feet for a long time. But this summer, one day while I was working in the garden, I heard and felt my big toe SNAP, and OOOEEEY did it hurt! For a long time! I don't know if it was broken, or sprained? Or if you can sprain your toe? But all I could do was limp and tape my foot on big walking days.
This summer, though, I discovered espadrilles. They're heaven!! They smell pretty bad, and are NOT good in the rain, but they feel wonderful and are closed-toe, comfortable but just dressy enough to wear to Mass.
6) In other beauty news, this summer I ordered the wrong thing on Amazon when I was trying to buy face lotion (I use Nutritioniste lotion, but it's hard to find in stores, so I order it online). What I got instead was Nutritioniste serum, whatever that is. I mean it, I don't know what it is, and can't really figure it out from any online descriptions. Is it a medicine?Is it a moisturizer? I know one thing- my face is smooth now!! So smooth!!! So, there you go. Hurray for serum.
7) as a closing kiss, here's my favorite pic of the new kitten, Charley:
|Lookit that face!!!! I'm smitten with this kitten.|