In a month, my high school graduating class will be gathering for our 20th reunion. I'm absolutely ambivalent about the whole thing. I'd love to go and watch, say, through a one-way mirror or on closed-circuit tv from a nearby bar. But walking in there is daunting to me.
I'm proud of my life, so happy- (the other night, preparing for Bible Study, the question was "what change are you longing for in your heart?" and really, all I could come up with was, I'd like to develop the ability to eat and eat and eat and never gain weight.) My life is that good- even the one thing I have wanted, is about to happen now, so I am left with nothing to complain about, or certainly nothing to be ashamed to tell my old friends about at the reunion.
But I am several pounds heavier than I was in high school and, well, what if NOBODY ELSE GOT FAT?? I think I'd be fine if I could at least know ahead of time that most (or at least several specific people) of my peers got fat too- then I could walk in and feel okay about my current state.
Funny what havoc one's past can do to one's confidence. I wear this body every day and don't feel particularly ashamed, even among friends who knew me when I was slimmer. But to have to step back in time 20 years and let the time warp happen in an instant, well, that's intimidating!
A couple of weeks ago I woke up early thinking, "what if my happy memories of High school are all wrong?? What if I thought everyone liked me, but they really didn't?" I had to go fetch my yearbook and read the notes my peers had written in the front and back pages. Yes, they seemed to like me all right. That was a relief.
I am assured that there will probably be a couple people, out of the 200+ that I graduated with who have gained weight, and hey, maybe a chunk of them live in squalid conditions with ugly children, or have developed nasty habits, or lost most of their teeth, or gone bald, or lost their fashion sense, ordeveloped some kind of nasty wart condition, or turned funny colors in some chemical accident... that would certainly make me feel better.
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4 comments:
Isn't it weird how FAT is sooo bad?
Being interesting, smart, funny, articulate and happy is not enough!
Rosie O'Donnell says she doesn't mind if someone doesn't like her. But what amazes her is when people malign her, they always put FAT first. "Fat loudmouth" "Fat lesbian." As if FAT was the WORST of her many sins.
Margo you will LOVE seeing all the old gang. More importantly they will love seeing YOU. And yes some will indeed have gained weight. Hopefully it will be because of the two GREAT reasons, either a gusto for life which means a love of food, or having a child or two.
You are beautiful inside and out!
PS: You can always find the fattest person in the room and stand next to him. Of course these days I am usually the fattest girl, ah well!
I second her majestys remarks. I am one of your high school friends and I think you are lovely; then and now. Besides, think how much your sense of humor has sharpened so that you can use it on any of those specific personalities who need a bit of toning down...AND I'll be here to giggle and cackle about the photos you are going to email me when you return from the reunion! Don't you worry. This of course in no way mitigates that I will attend my own reunion next year...har har har.
Good luck!!!
You are going to have a lot of fun. Having had my 20th last summer, I think I was most amazed at how many people I had kind of forgotten about after graduation. It was really good to hear how their lives had turned out. Alot of good things happening to good people sort of thing. So fret not and drink alot. Come to think of it, people were 3 deep at the bar, that might be why everyone had such a good time.
QUESTION: if the only people who attended the reunion were those who have NOT gained weight, Not gained a few grey hairs (or worse, lost them), and are working at their dream job at the top of the pay scale, and have perfect marriages, and have unfaltering self esteem === how many people would be in attendance???
ANSWER: Two (and therefore it would't qualify as a reunion - it would simply be two middle aged men sitting at a bar at a country club, lying to each other)
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