Scott has very sweetly come down with a nasty cold, and that means I've had some company yesterday and today. He's very generous. Having him home makes the days go so much faster, and much more pleasant. I'm feeling like I want to get up and do more stuff, but there's not much I'm allowed to do, like lift anything. This seriously limits the kind of activity I can attempt. But also, today I feel weirdly lightheaded and super-super sensitive, at my surgical... locations. So I'm sidelined either way. I guess it'll give me time to do some of the psychological work of healing. I'm starting to feel lazy and wonder if I'm doing this recovery thing right, but I guess there's no real way to measure. Really, though, it seems like every day I'm kept from doing anything more than tv-watching by some quirkiness- blurry vision from a medicine, light-headedness, overwhelming sleepiness... I'm being very very un-productive, and starting to worry about how near Christmas is, suddenly... yikes.
Last night I found the perfect position for sleeping on the loveseat and it was snooza-heaven. I miss sleeping with Scott, though. I'm not sure how much longer this will have to happen- my post-op appointment is this Thursday so hopefully I'll have some solid answers by then.
Going back to work feels very scary for me, as does going out in public, riding in a car, going to Maine for Christmas, going to a wedding, going to New Year's Eve parties, going shopping. It's very frightening stuff for me right now. I hate having fear in my life, I hate to be afraid, it's not my style. I'm looking forward to a time coming where I can feel less afraid. I am thinking dreamily of January, when everything will be different; new classes, Scrubs and LOST back on tv, I'll be much more healed, tax returns coming... it seems like it'll be so nice. Oh, and new things to blog about, beside my body. January. Jannnnnnuarrrrryyyyyyyyy.....
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