Anticipate/Participate

When I was little, we lived close enough that we could walk to and from the elementary school. No buses for us, until junior high. I used to take forever to get home, I'd dawdle all the way because I was so interested in all the leaves and flowers and rocks- I really liked rocks- and neighborhood pets that I would visit along my route. But when I was in trouble...
When I was in trouble- say, on report card day, or I had been spoken to in school or told to "go stand on the wall" at recess- when I knew I was going to GET IT, I would practically RUN home! On those days, the days that I should have really avoided going to my doom, I rushed toward the trouble.
It's still true now, I guess. When something difficult is on my horizon, I don't want to wait to address it- I don't want to wait at all- I want to rush toward it, dive in, and get it over with.
Now I'm in this time of mad transition, and I just want to get to the punch line already! But this change, from the moment it became a possibility, to the process of its evolution, to its still-future resolution, has been all about "slow and steady". S-l-o-o-w.
I hate it- it feels like dishonesty to hold on to this news- I want to tell everyone! I dread the process of transitioning, I want to do it fast! Like ripping off a band-aid!
But God has taken control of this process, which I know is leading me to a place which He has chosen for me, a situation that is right and good, and God-sent- and I can see that He is making me feel and be present in every step and minute of it. Which I hate, but I am starting to understand the value of it. I guess He knows that letting it all tumble by in a blur is not the most useful way for me to face this change.
At my Search retreat in high school, there was a saying: "don't anticipate, PARticipate". I reckon that's my mission now.