Let's go!

Well, here I am crying at my desk. It has been a stressful time, but I just ran across this video of Mike Yaconelli, and it's given me goosebumps. Remember this stuff? Remember this feeling? When I started in youth ministry, we were all so brave, and full of excitement. We were on fire for kids, and for God and for the Church and we were so ready to make things happen. At that time, we hadn't even imagined anything like the sex abuse scandal, and the time of paranoia that has followed. We hadn't tasted the kind of fear we know today, and we were able to say "I love teenagers!!!" without some tiny percent of ourselves whispering "oh, does that sound wrong? Creepy? Can I say that? What will people think?"

I wonder what Mike would say about the state we find ourselves in today, suddenly facing a time when we'll be competing with the far to few of us that there are for the jobs in this archdiocese that only ever paid enough for someone to live very simply, or be married to someone with a "real job" anyway. We're looking ahead at a time of taking on the difficult task of trying to hang on to people, forget reaching out to people. We're starting to see a future of traveling between three or four church buildings to try and bring unity among three or four communities, even while realizing that we left our laptop at the other church. Our pensions may be gone, and that matters. Our diocesan offices are decimated, and limping. There is competitiveness and suspicion between the employees of this organization. We are in survival mode.

So when I stumbled across this video today it stirred something inside my too afraid, too academic, too safe, too lazy soul. I want this energy again. I want to say the things Mike says here, I want to go full tilt bore into brave, courageous ministry that begets brave, courageous future ministers. Who's with me?

At the Crossroads

I am in a tricky spot these days. Our diocese is about to undertake a huge reorganization of parishes (still in the consultant phase) which is meant to cut the number of pastors in half, reduce the number of extraneous pieces of real estate, join parishes together in fundraising and Mass attendance, and reduce redundancies (aka... STAFF!). Suddenly a large part of my job is getting the word out about these plans (much more to it than I'm listing here) to our parishioners and gather feedback. So I find myself in this weird position of trying to communicate the possible future to people, all the while knowing that possible future might mean that my job is gone.
On top of that, last night in a meeting at the parish someone mentioned the conscience laws that are being challenged by the president, which would insist that all companies (except church/parishes) would have to provide insurance coverage for contraception. Already the law change would not apply to me or my fellow co-workers, and honestly I don't even know anyone who would want that kind of coverage from the parish for whom they work. But this week, the Cardinal published a letter with a threat included that if the law passes, the Church will be forced to either go against their own conscience or to STOP PROVIDING HEALTH INSURANCE TO ITS EMPLOYEES.
Remember, this rule already doesn't apply to me and my colleagues. In Fact, Cardinal Sean's threat is empty: it's against the law for Massachusetts citizens to go without health insurance, so if the Church doesn't provide it, its employees will have to turn to another source. By law, of course, any alternative source will have to cover things like contraception. Far from barring his employees from contraceptive coverage, Cardinal Sean will be forcing it upon us.
To me, it's a clear sign that the Cardinal doesn't trust that his employees, even if offered this benefit, wouldn't necessarily use it. (Of course, he's probably right about that!) And it's also a sign that he doesn't have any confidence in his ability to persuade his employees to do the right thing through teaching the Truth of the faith. He doesn't believe that what the Church teaches about contraception will bear any weight, and he doesn't believe that his word has any weight. He is only able to find persuasive power in threats. If he's right about that, then we are indeed in bad shape.
My husband and I will not be able to pay for our own health insurance, and will have to end our ministries in the Church. In fact, I don't know anyone who works for a parish who could pay for their own insurance for the rest of their ministerial careers.
So last night, there I was leading a parish meeting when this bill was brought up, and the parishioner who mentioned it urged us all to contact our representatives. Was it wrong for me to mention the Cardinal's threat? Or to urge them that while they're contacting the government, they might also call the Cardinal's office and remind him how wrong it would be to cancel the insurance and therefore the ministries of the employees who sat before them?
I don't know. I am not sure what my right response is to all this. And I do want to do what's right. If I'm going to lose this job, I want to leave it having fought for justice. I don't want to bite my tongue to keep my job, like I have done in varying degrees for so long. I want to do the Lord's work. I know that in this archdiocese, it's risky even blogging about this, exposing my own opinions. I guess we'll (pray) what happens.

Eeyore's New Year's Message

What a year 2011 was. A roller-coaster of emotion. Some friends who were in dire danger have turned back toward health, while we lost a dear friend and colleague. Here on the hill all has been well- we've started to see what it means to be aging, and to have aging parents, but so far so good. But I am always a little bit dreading, having had such a charmed life, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I imagine it can't just go on being smooth sailing forever, especially when people I know are hit hard by tragedy. How can we expect to be happy and good like this in the long run? Our turn is coming, I just know it.

I don't know if being constantly wary is good for me, or bad- I suppose bad, because it makes me a little bit unable to enjoy the present fortunes. But for some reason, I am loath to just relax and live in the now. New Year's is a time when I feel this particularly acutely. What horrors will the new year bring? Will this be the year when I finally get what's coming to me?
I know, I know! Gloomy! And living with a low grade fear-fever doesn't insulate me against bad things that may or may not come, they come whether I am ready or not. My mom told me once, when I was young, that it was better to have low expectations because that way, I'd never be disappointed. Sound advice! And it's served me, well...
But here we are, days before the new year and dealing with the news that our lovey cat Zarley is in (has?) chronic renal failure. We're between diagnosis and plan, but we are not those people who mortgage their family to pay to keep their pets alive. We want to get the timing right and honor her sweet self, and be good pet-owners and make it as good for everyone as possible. She's such a sweet kitty, a crazy old lady, and outside of my family and a few friends, one of my longest-standing relationships. I want to be as good to her as she's been to me.
And our Archdiocese is slowly eking out plans that may totally change our lives, professionally and personally. Our parishes are being re-configured, and while it was always something that would need to be done, there is a lot to this plan that is scary. I spent more than a few minutes at Christmas Mass thinking "is this the last Christmas we'll have this? Where will we be a year from now? Who will be our pastor? Will we still be a staff?" They won't tell us anything real until they're darned good and ready and so all there is to do is stew and worry and spiff up our resumes. I'll be glad to have a Masters' Degree in my pocket.
You know me, I can deal with bad news but I do hate suspense. I don't exactly want to fast-forward through time, but if I could only get the ending of the story emailed to me, I think I'd do better in the midst.
So happy, cheery new year everyone!! I promise this year of blogging (which should be more often than last year, since I have no homework to do!) will not be totally gloomy. There are good things coming, too, this I know.

Scandal-itis

Busy week! We hosted the Called and Gifted workshop at our parish this week, with much success. I have a ton to blog about, including the fact that when I picked up one of the speakers at the airport, she said "do you by any chance have a blog?" Yikes! It never did become clear whether or not she really had seen my blog, but I have, I'm sure, mentioned their Institute before, so if they are in the habit of self-googling, they could certainly have come up with this little rag. Anyway, there's my brush with fame. (Hi Sherry!)
The workshop was wonderful, and has people in the parish intrigued, inspired, and wanting more. But an equally interesting part of the week for me was hearing from these mid-and western-ers, their observations about Boston; as a town, and as an Archdiocese. It was a little bit like bringing friends from college home with me on break, and suddenly seeing my family through their eyes.
The first night, I went to dinner with Fr. Mike, one of the directors of the Institute, and one of the things he asked me was how the Archdiocese is doing since the Scandal. I told him that basically we all are in a state of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder- we've all gone on with our lives and ministries, but nothing really is untouched or un-influenced by what we went through. There is still a real sense of paranoia, which makes every church employee aware of how whatever they're doing, might be construed by someone, as inappropriate. This, among other symptoms, is the legacy of our Scandal.
But as the week went on, I thought a lot about his question, and what he and Sherry, the other Siena Director, might be observing and thinking about us. I started to wonder- is it just me? Am I the only one with this paranoia? Am I the only one who flinches when I hear the Archdiocese mentioned on the news?
At the end of the week, and out to dinner again with our speakers, the topic came up again. I said "I think it would be shocking to anyone around here, to know that people who lived away from here during the height of the Scandal, don't realize how traumatic it was." It seems to me that people who lived elsewhere considered this an awful thing in the news, terrible to consider, but they don't seem to have that PTSD that we have. The other dinner companions confirmed that it really was traumatic in the midst of it, and that the legacy continues for us. Sherry, on our way out of the restaurant, admitted that she was surprised to hear the lingering pain. She said "I guess I kind of figured that people around here would be over it." Really, a shocking statement to me. I guess only those of us who went through it know how little actual healing work was done by the Archdiocese, back then and since then. But I told Sherry that it's an important reality for people to know about if they're going to work in the area.
At dinner that night, Fr. Mike said something about how, to be fair, the Bishops were responding to the "experts" who told them that the abusers would be fine. I acknowledged that we all knew that to be true, and that we know things were different back in the 60's, that we know much more now... but what I wish I'd said was this: be careful about how quickly you settle on that as an excuse. Every horrible stage in history, every movement that victimized people, had experts who said things were okay. But at some point, leaders have to take responsibility. Ours should have. The fact that times were different back then is true, but not a good enough excuse.
The week still has me thinking about this, still looking at our lives from the outside perspective and wondering, is it just me? Is this feeling of PTSD just something that parish ministers are feeling? Am I just holding grudges? I'd love to be "over it." Am I the last one to feel the legacy of the Scandal?

Post the second, Boston Symposium

So. This was the Boston Symposium on Adolescent Catechesis, offered by a bunch of different offices from the RCAB. The original speaker was to be Fr. Brian Bransfield, who I've never heard of. I wonder now what his take on the subject matter might have been. He was called to a big meeting, though, and we were glad when it was announced that Sean Reynolds would take his place.
The day opened with an address by Cardinal Sean, who urged us to make Catholic Identity a priority, by going back to the Sacraments, Marian devotion, and the Papacy. Yeah.
The rest of the day was divided into segments:
Session One: FORMING YOUNG DISCIPLES- a quick review of the NSYR
Session Two: The Conclusion Chapter of Soul Searching
Session three: Are we asking the right questions?
It was interesting to watch people's reactions to what Sean presented. He gave us some fascinating insights into the faith lives of kids, like;

• When it comes to faith, Most teens pretty much follow the faith of their parents.
• In most variables measuring religiosity, Catholic teens, in comparison to other Christian denominations, are worse than all others.
• Most American teenagers were found to be not very spiritual or religious.
• Most American teenagers are remarkably inarticulate about their faith (particularly Catholic teens).

This means, of course, that the way we've been doing faith formation for teenagers in the Catholic Church needs to change, not soon, not now, but 30 years ago!! This comes as shocking and unwanted news to the DRE's in the room who have used the same textbooks for 40 years and felt like they were doing a pretty good job.
The thing of it is, the whole day ended very much to be about ADULT faith formation. If we find that kids basically do what their parents do, then WHY are we using the bulk of our resources on children?
Of course (my words here), ministry to youth is important- vital. Necessary. And... it had better be good. Because when our young people become parents, they'll be passing along what they believe. It can't start with a Young Adult Hootenanny Group, and it can't wait until they stumble back to the church to have their kids go through First Eucharist.
I wonder what people there thought of the presentation. The group was a mix of Youth Ministers, DRE's, and Catholic School teachers, and I bet they expected something a little bit more centered around... well, how to do catechesis with youth. But as for us Whole-Community-Catechesis people, us Lifelong Faith Formation people, I think we were certainly affirmed. I was one of only a couple of people who raised their hands when they asked if anyone's job involved working with parents. I wonder, too, what the Cardinal thought... he was supposed to give some kind of reflection at the end, but instead sent us off with a thanks and an Our Father...

Post the first, Boston Symposium, Rant Edition

So yesterday we ventured into Archdiocesan territory for the Boston Symposium on Adolescent Catechesis. There are two parts that I must report on, regarding this day; the posh new Pastoral Center, and of course the presentation.
I admit that I have such a bad attitude when it comes to the RCAB- twice this very week I heard about two good ideas falling flat because the Archdiocese couldn't make them happen, and of course I've been 3rd-degree burned by some of the Upper Persons in the RCAB organization. So I do admit I approached the day with a chip on my shoulder, well-earned as it may be. It's that same old feeling of running into a bad ex at a mutual friend's wedding- but I did my best to think positive and expect good things from the day. It was my first visit to the Pastoral Center and hooooeyyyy it's nice.
I know, I know, it's donated- the building came from a very generous donor, okay... but I couldn't believe how tricked-out it was. Fancy lighting, gorgeous everything, everything was A-1. This did not look like the building of a group who was trying to dig itself out of a financial hole and win back the hearts of the Little People. And yeah, maybe this is nitpicking but it was nowhere near Green. They didn't even have recycling buckets for the cans and water bottles from lunch. This, I guess, might be a niggling detail, but to me it signifies a group that just can't seem to get their behavior to match their values. Contrast that to the Sisters of St. Joseph's "mother house" which was carefully designed to be a good investment for the sisters, and the design and maintenance is thoughtfully made to be green green green. It's a gorgeous building but no the sisters were careful not to sell their collective souls to build it.
The Symposium was oversold, so about 30 of us were in another room with a screen, speakers, a better view and more space and comfort than the hundreds of people in the actual room. We did participate, and the speaker was great at recognizing our existence and including us in the presentation. I guess I'd say it was an educational day, in many ways!

the club lives!

I just wrote and deleted a snippier version of this entry, and now I'm feeling much more mature and ready to express myself appropriately.
I'm sure disappointed in the appointment of the new co-director at the Youth Min/Young Adult office... it's not surprising that they would create and fill a spot like that with someone who appears to have made a career of being in the Old Boy's Club at the Archdiocese, but I was really hoping things were changing.
And I guess that's all I'm going to say.

who's got the box?

I went to a regional meeting of Religious Ed professionals today to catch up on all the latest hubbub with the Archdiocese. This is a tough diocese in which to work- it's very hard to feel safe and secure, whether you work for a parish, or at the diocesan level. Recently the RCAB has offered packages to employees who have been there for many years- and it has caused some real discomfort among, specifically, the religious education community.
I think it's pretty much agreed across the board that the paradigm for religious education that we have been using for too long... is not the best way to help young people be formed in their faith. Changes do need to happen. But as we "in the field" watch the movements and decisions of the hierarchy, it does make us all wonder- what is the face of faith formation in this Archdiocese to be?
Because decisions and changes are being made without the contribution or consultation of anyone in the field (at least, not that I've heard of so far) it creates an environment of fear. Who is making the decisions that will change our jobs? I just hope that somewhere, somehow, there is an actual, overarching, long-range, forward-thinking GOAL. A very wise man I know said it best- he said that it seems like they are trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle, but they don't have the picture on the box to go by. It's a hard way to put things together, and I hope it'll work better than I suspect it will.

Come! On! Now!!!

Check out this job description from the A-diocesan YM website. I have substituted only the names of the parish and contact person (in blue). The rest is completely AS-IS on the website:

St. Ridiculous Parish is looking for someone to assist with the administrative functions of the parish and religious education offices and a willingness and ability to help develop and lead a Youth Ministry Program. Applicants should be proficient in Microsoft, QuickBooks and ParishSoft systems. Experience with religious education and/or youth ministry a great plus. Contact Fr. Ugoddabekiddingme.

Seriously, there's so much wrong with that job ad that I can't even figure out where to start bashing it.

MFRS

This morning my brother the pilot, was here, and Scott was asking him some leftover questions from our flights to and from Florida. He had noticed that the dials in the cockpit aren't dials anymore, but displays. One big "glass cockpit" as the flight attendant told him. Scott was concerned that if there was a power failure, all those dials would blink out, and then where would one be?
Bruce's answer was fascinating, not only because of the detail in which he described the various wirings and power sources of the cockpit, but because of the words he used. He said "in order for all the dials to fail, there would have to be "Multiple Failures of Redundant Systems". Isn't that a gorgeous hunk of words?
Yesterday at staff meeting we heard that the Archdiocese of Boston has sent out an email that St. Patrick's day will be recognized on March 14th this year... and that there will be no liturgical recognition of the saint's feast day. That's because the 17th is during Holy Week this year. So, they've moved the feast to the Friday before (which is of course a Lenten Friday and therefore, no corned beef and cabbage for you my friend).
I smell Multiple Failures of Redundant Systems. St. Patrick's is one of the few days that the world relates fairly positively to the Catholic Church in these parts, these days. Now, though, not only does the RCAB create questions and confusion among the once-a-year-Catholics, but they move the local's favorite feast to a Lenten Friday. To top things off (this is where the Multiple comes in), St. Patrick is the patron saint of the RCAB... and this is our Archdiocese's 200th year. Way to piss off your patron!!
Fortunately for me, I don't like corned beef. But I like St. Patrick, and this Archdiocese can use all the help it can get. He's got his work cut out for him!

There's a new sheriff in town.

So the news is finally out (how many of us have been keeping this secret, I wonder?) that what used to be the OYM has a new director. He's a priest (shocker!) and from a high-profile parish, THE poster parish for LifeTeen in the Archdiocese. It's an interesting choice, and says a lot about how Youth Ministry is viewed in the RCAB.
The choice of a priest (in my humble opinion) is more a nod toward clericalism than just a convenience (you know, it's handy if your YM director can say Mass at camp and whatnot). The new director is ordained 5 years, as I said in a parish with a vibrant Youth Ministry- but this Archdiocese is full of qualified professionals with more than 10-15 years of experience. Many of the veteran youth ministers in this AD have been cut off from the OYM for one reason or another, however, and it would take some serious crow-eating for them to approach any of them (us) to consider this job.
I am curious to see how this new "Office of New Evangelization...something something...youth and young adults" will play out. Will burnt bridges be mended? Will professional YM's be supported? What I've seen so far (a few pages of a handout from the office) mentioned, priests and vocations repeatedly- it's the language of the RCAB lately, and looks to be the direction of its ministry offices.
Youth Ministers could have been consulted in this decision... was there an interview process? Was there an open application period? Was the job posted... anywhere? I wonder if the YM community has been invited to meet with him, or will be? Maybe I just missed it all.
Technically, you know, I'm not a Youth Minister... so I'll be watching from the sidelines- and praying for the best.

blasphemy

And people were bringing children to him that he might touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. They said “do not approach the Lord without your parents’ permission. Please take this form home, have it signed, and bring it back to us with proof of Baptism before you may approach the Lord.”

“Further,” they instructed the children. “Inform your parents that we have put the Lord through strict screening and have had his CORI run several times. Assure them that you will never be allowed to be alone with the Lord. Remind them that this is for your own safety, as well as the Lord’s, for you may wrongly accuse him of abuse, and if no one else is around to witness to the Lord’s innocence, then He would be screwed!”

When Jesus saw this he became indignant and said to them, "Let the children come to me; do not prevent them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these…”

Then he embraced them and blessed them, placing his hands on them.

This really sent the disciples into a tizzy. “Lord,” they said, “Do not touch the children! If anyone misinterprets your affections, they can sue the cloak off of you!” They said “Lord, if you MUST show affection to a child, perhaps you could offer a hand shake, or a high five? At the very most, a side-hug...”

For the disciples reminded Jesus that unless he was willing to do His ministry in a detached, safe way, he would probably be sued and then unable to do ministry at all.

But Jesus continued, “Amen, I say to you, whoever does not accept the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it." And the disciples shrugged and said to each other, “well we warned Him! You saw me warn Him! Just to be safe, we should probably fill out an incident report.”

Adapted from Mark 10:13-16

hoooo boy

I am sick and tired. And happy!
This was our first weekend of Generations of Faith. GOF is in its 4th year here in the Archdiocese of Boston, in those brave and brilliant and patient parishes who took the chance and made the commitment to a new way of educating and evangelizing the faithful. I've been to GOF information meetings and trainings and workshops with three different parishes who then didn't dare to take the leap. Change is hard, and changing the paradigm for a whole parish is WICKED hard. But right- and worthwhile- and good. (At least in this case!)
Anyway, here I am finally doing the model of faith formation that I have wanted to do forever, and it was so gratifying to be there this weekend and see all the work we've done as a team come together.
Now I'm exhausted. And I have a cold!!!! Dammmmnn!!

Hand of God

We just finished watching "Hand of God" on Frontline, on PBS. It is a documentary film, made by a man from nearby Salem about his brother, who was molested by Fr. Birmingham at St. James parish.
It was horrifying to watch, and crushing- strange, too, because it was filmed around Salem and we could identify the churches and streets and buildings that they showed- the film was full of old home movies and it felt a little like our own were being shown. Being so close to this scandal, it felt from the start for me like my own relatives were being shown to the world as evil-doers. It's an odd feeling to hear familiar names on the news.
Scott said he felt so uncomfortable watching it, too- he said it was like when you do something stupid and it's put in the paper, you want to go around town buying up all the newspapers so no one else can see it.
We want to understand- what does it mean for us, that we work for this Church? How far removed from evil-doing does one have to be, to be not part of the evil? Is it good enough that we do good work in God's name, holy work... or should we be hanging our heads in shame for merely being associated with this scandalous oranization?
When the scandal hit, I remember feeling the natural urge to be loyal- but suddenly, it was hard to know who or what to be loyal to. I remember being at a meeting and praying with the scripture that asks God to keep the enemies away from us... I remember thinking at that time that the enemy was the Boston Globe. I learned soon that the enemy was Us.