Back At It

I just want to say: if you can ever, possibly, take two weeks of vacation in a row, DO IT.
I'm back to work after my first-ever two-weeker, and I feel excited to be here and anxious to get going on things. Of course, it's the end of August so these feelings are a mix of excitement and panic that I've wasted the summer and now I have to catch up and get ready at the same time. But this is going to be a good year at the parish, I can feel it... as long as nothing catastrophic happens in the Archdiocese and everyone on the team stays healthy, we're poised to do great work.
I had taken a mere week off at the beginning of the summer and at the end of it, I felt like I'd wasted it. All week I felt a little guilty whenever I sat still, hearing the time tick away, and then feeling like an idiot for worrying about relaxing too much on my vacation. This time we had a camping trip in the middle, and the rest of the days just fell out as they came, and I did lots of fun things, lots of productive things, lots of nothing. It felt great and I still feel great.
Now I'm gung-ho to get going again at work and loving all of humanity mostly, and full of ideas. Yes, two weeks is the way to go.

over-rested

I love Summer and I love vacation, but always by the end of it, I'm craving my regular life back. I am looking forward to having normal food at normal times, getting a normal amount of sleep, getting back to work to do all the stuff that I haven't done all summer, and not running out of money in the bank half way through the week because I'm doing so many fun and expensive things.
Today is a weird transition day between what has sort of felt like a vacation (that is, it's been a disruption of my work week, and it's been hot, and we're broke!) back to work- but we're going to a banquet with our pastor instead of going in to the parish. It makes me a little anxious not to touch base there, because I have been away so long (really, only 3 days since I last was there!) and don't feel prepared for tomorrow's GOF meeting (was there something I was supposed to do? I forget!!) and will be late tomorrow, prob'ly, so I won't even have a chance to go in before the meeting and get myself together.
Well I'll try to keep my mind in vacation mode, and enjoy the free food and (I assume) air conditioning at the banquet, and apologize profusely tomorrow for whatever it was I was supposed to have done. I'll blame it on the wicked course-load from last week. Yeah, that's what I'll do.
Truth is, when I'm away from my parish, I miss it. I miss the staff, the crazy Monday lunches, I miss my office, I hate to miss Mass there- so many faces that I don't get to see, so many funny things and poignant things and good people. I'll be glad to be back in the swing of things.
Tomorrow, normal life. Ha!

Trapped at home with the birds

I'm happily trapped at home because Scott is at a long meeting and my car is in the shop. Something about brakes, but they're covered under a LIFETIME GUARANTEE!! so it's just the annoyance of being carless for a while as it is being fixed. I finished my book, and my laundry and there's not a lot of food in the house (it's pay week!) but I can't go get some more, and can't get started on packing up the car for the camping trip. I've finished my book (funny, but dark, and a little too close to possible... scary!) and had a nap, and now I'm facing a yawning gap in time. I'll make chocolate chip cookies, but have to wait for the butter to soften up a bit. Ah well.
Outside the crows are cawing and chucking at each other. This neighborhood is a hangout for a crew of large black crows who behave a lot like a gang of bad middle schoolers downtown after school. They just hang around and intimidate the smaller birds, knock at the birdfeeder until it spills seed on the ground and then gorge on the stolen seed. They just sit there, talking or yelling at each other, and they have little squabbles over nothing. At dusk they fly around from tree to tree, yelling and annoying the neighbors. Whenever I walk outside I clap my hands, making them scatter, making me worry about whether or not they'll recognize my face and hold a grudge as I've heard on NPR. Why doesn't the parks department put something on for them in the summer?? Keep them busy?? The yard is full of the scars of them digging for grubs (well, fine, they can have the grubs but do they have to destroy the grass?) and their poop is on every surface. I guess that's different from middle schoolers, if only slightly. Ha!
I actually really love middle schoolers, so maybe I should give these birds a break. They do give a creepy feel to the neighborhood though. The birds, I mean.
Anyway, must figure out something about suppa. Ahhh, trapped.

7 Quick (random) Takes

So. In no particular order:
1) I just took a bite of my first strawberry of the season. I love that moment! We haven't had a lot of sun, so our strawberry plants have a lot of tiny, deformed, white nubs of berries on them but one went all the way and turned a gorgeous red. I picked it yesterday but set it on the kitchen windowsill to prolong the anticipation. The taste was surprising, like a memory recovered. MMMM I love strawberry season!
2) If there's one thing I regret about my child-free state it's the loss of the opportunity to name someone. I think that would be such an honor, and I can imagine it would be fulfilling and fascinating to watch someone grow into the name I've given them. I kind of collect names in my head, and when I hear names on the radio I often pair them with my last name to see how they'd sound, and imagine the kind of person who would have that name. Fortunately, we get to name whatever pets we'll have for the rest of our lives, and I want you to know I take that responsibility just as seriously.
3) If there are two things I mull over in the car, in my alone time, while listening to the radio, they are names of non-babies, and songs I could sing at Karaoke. Don't get me wrong, I'm never going to sing karaoke, but it's fun to imagine it. My dream song would be "Loving You" by Minnie Riperton, but I'd get the crowd to sing the high notes, and that would be funny. You see my singing career and comedy career are intertwined, and similarly non-existent.
4) Even though things have slowed down considerably, and work is a breeze these days (I spent a lot of time this week reading all the journals that came in the mail over the winter that I didn't have time to read) I still am aching for a vacation week. I'll get one, too, starting next Thursday. Even if work is not slave-labor, there's something about vacation that just hits a giant re-set button for me. I can't wait.
5) I watched the whole Bruins Stanley Cup series, and it was a lot of fun! You know I love school and team spirit, and that I reflexively get choked up at the sound of cheering so this is perfection for me, even though I am generally not one to watch hockey and would never make it through their 13-month season (it's longer than this sentence!!), especially with the amount of tension in those games! I prefer a nice leisurely game of baseball, or the short-term crazed burst of excitement of the Tour De France. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is Yay Bruins! It has been fun being a near-Bostonian during this time.
6) We attended a big fest in honor of our friend who has been in ministry at a nearby parish for over 15 years. As we stood there, watching him being presented with citations and gifts and celebrated by people who talked about how he has touched their lives, Scott and I came to the same conclusion: we can do anything in this ministry job. We can do trips, we can do new groups and ministries, we can do new things, we can stretch and grow and develop. The world is our oyster. It was very inspiring and I think having seen his success, we're going to work on our own.
7) Scott and I are off to see Katherine soon, and are willing the rain to go away so we can walk with her around her neighborhood. I have been learning a lot about myself through hanging out with Katherine, and seeing myself through our conversations together. We talk about big stuff like God and Glee, but also about science, a lot- it turns out I'm into science! Who would ever have thought? (Not, certainly, my Mom.) Last week Katherine asked me a science question and I thought "huh! I'm a science geek!" She is a bona-fide scientist, so it was kind of an honor. Oh, and just to be clear, I don't KNOW anything about science, but I find it all pretty fascinating. That's something, right? Even though I don't know much? Like having a sense of humor even while not being funny.
Anyway, Happy 7 things. Our Quick Takes hostess (over at www.Conversiondiary.com) is having a much more significant week than I, so do go take a look.

Mmmmmm, that feels great.

It's ten years, officially, and so far so good. Our anniversary trip was flat-out wonderful- we had a great time in beautiful Mystic, CT eating great food, staying at a lovely (and quirky) inn, people-watching at Foxwoods (we didn't play even one slot machine!) and driving the countryside. Even the parts of the trip where we were just resting or reading or exploring were fun and I loved each minute of it. We had a delicious and decadent (for us!) dinner on our anniversary night. As great as it was, I was happy to come home to our comfy place and see the kitties, who missed us terribly, it was clear.
On the last day in CT, we got up and went to a local spa for a massage! Well, two massages. One each! And this leads me to my point for this blog entry, as I had a big religious epiphany during my massage. My massage-therapist was a lovely, soothing woman who made me feel comfortable, relaxed, and pampered. Her movements were never harsh, even when she was working on my tough spots. I was compliant and happy to have her move even my arms and legs when needed, and I just closed my eyes and floated along. I thought silently, "massage-therapist-lady, I love you. I will turn in whichever direction you move me, and I want to be the best massage client ever, because you, to me, are wonderful." And then it hit me, this is what we want God to be. We want God to be soothing and comforting and always making us feel better, never allowing us to feel pain. We want angelic music in the background and we want God to just gently turn us in the right direction. And we'll go! We'll gladly go limp and let God do the work. If it were only like that, we'd be compliant and trusting, and we'd want to be the best followers ever, because it is all so lovely and comfortable.
Oh, but my friends, this is not the way God works.
Tonight at LEX we talked about this Sunday's Pentecost Gospel reading- it's a quick one, from John (20:19-23) where Jesus appears to his freaked-out disciples after rising from the dead. We noticed that Jesus appears with the wounds from his crucifixion, where we supposed (being God and all) He could have chosen to appear with a nicely healed body. Why did he still have those wounds? We guessed that maybe Jesus was showing that He knows that we too, like Him, will suffer. That pain is part of life, and that death is part of resurrection. He suffered, but then triumphed over suffering. Pain is real, and true, and it exists, God knows. Massages are nice, (really nice) but they're not real life. Life is walking, sore muscles, working, suffering and victory. Massages, and vacations, are temporary. Life goes on, wounds and all.
I don't know how God works, but I know how God doesn't work! (still, it would be nice, wouldn't it?)

What to do, what to do?

Today is not the first day of a vacation. But it is the first day of a long weekend (interrupted by a short work day on Sunday), followed by a week of Scottlessness, as he heads to Catholic Heart Workcamp. I have been weirdly moody as I stare down the barrel of this week, at moments looking forward to missing Scott and at other moments dreading sleeping without him. It's going to be very different around here for a week! It's good for us to be apart briefly like this, I think, because it reminds us how much we love to be together (I think of that line "how can I miss you if you never go away?"), and it feeds my inner introvert (I always think I'll use time like this to catch up with friends and whatnot, but instead I cocoon myself and speak very little, and recharge), so that when he comes back I am refreshed and renewed- like after a retreat- and SO excited to see him.
I will be working all week of course, but my office-mate will also be away, which means I can turn my music up and talk to myself at my desk all I want, two conditions that increase my productivity about a bazillion percent. I'm planning on doing some serious writing done, specifically on my workshops for my grad school internship, and lots of stuff for next Fall's programming at the parish. Oooh I can't wait!
Today I had a couple of chores to do- just grocery shopping and kitchen cleaning, because tomorrow some revelers are coming to celebrate the 3rd of July (the real holiday here in our town). After that Scott left to do his own errands and I was at a loss. With this stretch of time lined up before me I feel like a kid at an amusement park- which ride to do first (or more like me, which fried food to eat first)? Should I nap? Read my book? Do some project? Clean out my closet? Take a long, luscious shower? Watch an old movie? Cook something? Aughhhh it's all too beautiful.
...so I took my book out on the porch, read till I fell asleep. Then I watched a junky talk show on tv!! Woo!

10:30 would be perfect

I'm on vacation and will be away from the parish for two delicious Sundays! Suddenly, with party plans and lots to do, it's tricky to decide where to go to Mass. How about that? We live in a neighborhood that is equidistant to/from two churches. But their Mass times are either too early or too late for us this Sunday. That is, too late because we have family coming, and too early because we are that kinda lazy.
So we dialed up MassTimes.org and found a bunch of nicely-timed Masses nearby and chose one, based on timing and on the parish (because we know the Mass there will be well done).
Which leads me to think about how the not-employed-by-a-parish Catholic designs their Massgoing life. We in the Church sometimes whine about the inconsistent attendance of the crowds, lightly-attended holiday weekends, and (most of all) parents who present their kids for sacraments while we rarely see them in the pews (not that we're keeping track).
But the world is not set up for easy consistent Mass attendance- especially for parents of kids. We all know that more happens on Sundays now than when we were kids, and that means rehearsals, practices, games, etc... and that our families are more mobile than ever before in history. Stop me if you've read this here before, but have you noticed that the main doors of churches go mostly unused now? Now the busy entrance is the one that leads to the parking lot. In fact some church renovations are turning in that direction, sprucing up the parking lot entrances as the main entry points and putting much less emphasis on the front doors. Almost no one walks to Mass anymore, like they did when those churches were first designed.
I think the mobility of Catholics is a significant fact that needs to be considered. How are we to respond? Should we look at our Mass schedules and see if they're impossible for those parents to attend? Do we know what kinds of things are happening in the community that might conflict with our set schedules?
There's not a whole lot we can do to attack this scheduling problem- we can't go about changing our Mass schedule with each new sports season. But two things we can do: We can make sure that when people come, they feel welcomed and important. And we can do Mass really, really well. If time is hard to find for people to squeeze in Mass on weekends, then we'd better offer them something worth that sliver of time. Homilies that will carry them out into the world beyond the parking lot, music that they can sing and which helps them ingest the readings, and a feeling of joy in the Good News that is as much theirs as the person who makes it to every 7AM Mass, every week, on time.
PS, as a Church Geek I'm excited to attend Mass in a new place, I will be spying to be sure, and ready to steal anything good (practices, I mean, not... statues or anything...).

vacation ends

It was a great vacation, practically perfect in every way- when I look back on this vacation, the scenes will be all watery-looking, like as in a movie flashback to a perfect day.
It was a "staycation," pretty much, with some nifty day trips thrown in- but even though I was mostly at home, it felt like a lovely resort, except that there were no mints on my pillow when I got to bed at night, which is probably good because they would have melted. It was steamy, almost the whole time, but I didn't mind. We had one air-conditioned room, the bedroom, and spent a bunch of time in there eating meals on the bed, like a college student. But the best part was the mornings. (Parts? Were? If only an editor would read my blog!)
In the morning, while Scott slept in, I'd get up whenever and make my breakfast. I'd take it out to the porch with my book-du-jour, and sit out there until I didn't want to anymore. I read The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (hey that's a pretty cool book- did you know it's, like, allegory??), Driving with Dead People (dark, and not funny. But riveting), and Firefly Lane. I loved The Patron Saint of Liars, really, I mourned the ending of that book. Now I'm halfway through Annie Dunne, and all the way through my vacation.
As dreamy as the week was I'm excited to get back to work- just as our high school seniors are moving on and the end of their era has come, a brand new era begins- new kids, new families, a new theme, new classes, new plans. Here we go!!!!

Vacationing

This week the stars seem to be aligning for a true vacation week. Of course I'm not traveling anywhere, just a "staycation" as the kids are calling it these days, but these have always been my favorite kinds of weeks. My days are pretty much free for me to get up whenever, eat breakfast on the porch, then sit and read until I can't sit still anymore. The grocery shopping's done and the fridge is full (I noticed this time how few of the aisles I had to venture down, as most of my shopping happens out on the edge walls, where the fresh food is. That's a good sign, no?), and I don't even have a lot of laundry to do. The bedroom is clean and has an air conditioner in place, and the living room has a lazy but helpful ceiling fan for the not-quite as hot days.
I am devouring Driving With Dead People, a Memoir, which is fascinating, and like all the best books I've ever read, is affecting my speech patterns and creating in me an urge to narrate every moment of my own days. Oh and gobbled up The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe yesterday in one sitting. Today I actually sat in the sun with tanning lotion (sunscreen) on, for as long as I could stand it, which was only about 20 minutes.
I do have some plans this week, including one on SUNDAY which usually is an impossibility since I work in a church. I'm seeing some old friends, and maybe hitting the beach with my sister at some point. I'd like to clean out our garbage-can-nook, which is a far uglier place than the word "nook" makes it seem. It's smelly, and that's cutting into my porch reading enjoyment.
Meanwhile my grad school books have been ordered and are starting to arrive in the mail, like birthday presents but not. Cards, though, are appearing in the mailbox for my 41st birthday, this Tuesday.
I'm putting an entire Summer into one week and it's blissful. Ahhhhhh....

Well it's been a rainy week here in Lake Woebegone...

I'm mid-vacation and having an awfully nice time, despite the near-constant rain. I'm fighting the urges that everyone on Facebook is expressing, mourning the Summer and wishing it would just go away for crying out loud. I'm trying to take it all as a cosmic hint from the universe that I should just relax already.
We went on our annual camping trip and it was near-perfect, but for the lack of a few important people who would have been fun to have there, and who would have loved it. One of my favorite parts of this camping trip is the tinkering with the recipe of people that come each year. I used to be nervous about mixing people from different walks of my life, but learned from my friends Peter and John that it can be fun and a bit of an adventure. Visiting them was rarely a solo time, and I never knew who else would be there, and I always felt somehow proud that they'd allow me to mix with their other, cooler or smarter or way more talented friends.
Anyway, this year's trip brought 4 newbies, and it was fun to mix with them and watch them mix, and the ultimate-est fun-est to bring them to Tanglewood for A Prairie Home Companion. There is so much special about this trip that each year I feel so lucky to be there, and so proud to share it, as if I'm in a very special and kind of secret club into which I have the privilege of inviting new members.
Our week of vacation is capped at the other end with a 3rd of July cookout at our house, and then a 4th that's gloriously free of plans. They say the sun is due to come out again the day I head back in to work, naturally. Ah well, it's been a good vacation, so far, anyway.

Staycation

I found out recently that there's a word for my favorite kind of vacation: a STAYcation. It means you take time off from work, but stay home. I guess I'm pretty cutting edge because I've been doing this for years. As I've written there's not many places I'd rather be than home. I love to travel but due to my "lifestyle choice" (aka choosing a career in a less than lucrative ministry- CATHOLIC ministry, even)- it seems that most of my travel opportunities revolve around professional conferences. That's not a bad deal, really- conferences have taken me to Denver, Pittsburgh (okay that was the least exciting), Florida and Las Vegas (yes! apparently it's a cheap place to hold conferences...). I'm working on getting our pastor to book us for the LA Congress or the NPCD conference, both in California next spring. Hey, it's for the learnin'!
My husband's away this week at camp with his youth ministry. I'm jealous, because I know this trip will be great (It's with the Catholic Heart Work Camp crew) but also, I'm looking forward to a week-long taste of my single, Margo Tyler Moore days. Whenever Scott goes away, I miss him a lot, but do assert my alone-hood by making a few unauthorized changes. I put all the shades up just a bit higher, leave the lid of the toilet seat up, leave the bed unmade... fun stuff like that. I change the blinds in the bedroom so that I wake up to sunshine, unlike Scott who likes the bedroom to look a bit like the inside of a pocket.
By the end of the week I will not be able to wait to see Scott again. Absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder. Gosh, I miss him already.

ahhhhhh (except at 7)

So this is vacation! I could easily get used to this- I have been doing some housework, lots of lounging around, and lots of snacking- my new strategy is to eat something every two hours or so, because throwing up nothing is not fun.
My "morning" sickness has settled into a predictable, yet miserable and inconvenient, pattern. I race to the toaster in the morning to something to stuff in my gob, and that chases away morning nausea. Then I'm free and clear until just about 7:00, at which I can no longer think about food, although I am hungry. Scott has had to take over all dinner duty while I hide in the living room because I just can't have food in my head- I can eat pretty much anything but just don't talk to me about it- just serve it and I'll eat.
So at 7 I hit the bathroom, and then quickly feed myself again- then I'm mildly nauseous for the rest of the night. The later I stay up, the sicker I feel, so I have been trying to call it a night a bit early.
What's been the greatest part of this vacation is the detox from my former job. I got an SOS call from my former assistants today, about the latest asinine move by my former supervisor, (really, it's ridiculous, and more of the same baloney that I had to deal with there) and I had simultaneous feelings of guilt for leaving my friends there, and wondrous joy at being finally away from all that.
Leaving a parish feels like a divorce, to me- maybe I've said that here before- but knowing that I'm making a move that's best for me doesn't undo the guilt of leaving everyone else in a bad situation, and fear that the new Mother is going to make changes and do things I'd never do... it brings out the territorial-ism in me, I guess. But I remind myself that the work I did counted, and that even if I'm not there, the Holy Spirit is, for crying out loud...
Tomorrow I'm getting a haircut and all the silly ends will be gone, cut off in a nice clean clip. My now droopy curls will get new life for the removal of all that old growth, weighing it down. I can't wait to wash my hair and feel all that new gone-ness!

I need a vacation... like nooooobody's business...

(does anyone remember that commercial? I can still hear the tune in my head.)
I am exhausted. This is my next-to-last week at my old job and that means the good-bye-ing has begun in earnest.
Tuesday night (a day that started with a gut-wrenching and vital session with my spir. director) was my last night at our youth group. We were celebrating senior week and the end of the year with a little party- we had pizza and a campfire- s'mores for everyone! (except me, because all thoughts of food just make me vomit.)
After the fire we went to the meeting room for our usual gathering, and I gave my last talk- a teary thing about, well, how much I value these kids and how much I will miss them. Then, they treated me to a dvd of a bunch of my kids, kind of like a wedding video- they sat and gave me messages of love and appreciation and how much they'll miss me. It was just absolutely wonderful. Afterward, those who didn't get to be in the video gave me love live. They presented me with a big pillow ( a tradition of mine that I brought to this parish, and which really "took"). The closing prayer was wonderful and we closed with hugs all around.
I felt satisfied- like I'd said what I could say, like I'd honored God in my going and in my good-bye-ing, and that my work there had been fruitful and will still bear fruit after I go.
I came home and threw up in my driveway and then for the rest of the evening...
I'm just wiped. This is the longest week ever.

My vacation forecast:

Sunday:





Monday:





Tuesday:





Wednesday:





Thursday:





Friday:





Saturday:





Could be worse, right?