A YM at heart

I visited Scott and the kids at camp last night, and once again I felt the ache.
First of all, the camp is so great- the energy is high and the kids are high, by Thursday, on what good they've done for the world, and in new relationships with Jesus. They are suddenly fluent about their faith where they might not have had the vocabulary to express it before, or where they might have been unaware of God's love before. The room is full of changed people, people in love- the energy comes from that, and it's palpable. There's something about going away and doing something different, and being surrounded by people who show you that this is possible because of God's love...
I fought off teariness all night- you know crowd happiness makes me cry (remember, I cry at parades and at crowds cheering and at displays of school spirit...) and this room, it was a combination of all three. But it wasn't just that-
You know how women who want babies have that ache when they see babies on the street? I get that ache when I see great Youth Ministry going on. I miss that beautiful honor of accompanying young people on their Emmaus walks- I miss being a witness to the lighting of that spark in their eye. I miss being a matchmaker, introducing kids to the real Love of their life. I miss getting to know the best sides of kids, that they only let show (or only come to realize themselves) when they are away on retreat or at camp. I miss it.
I was introduced to the camp director last night, and Scott told him I'm doing adult ministry now- he asked me if I thought I'd stay there, and I said "I really love my ministry but I think I'll always be a Youth Minister."

Kicking it old school

I went on retreat a couple of weeks ago, sort of a combined adult-and-teen retreat, sort of a leadership retreat, and I didn't want to go. I went because I've never been on this yearly retreat, and I love the retreat center they were going to, and my friends were going to be there, including one who'd never been on one before, and because I wanted to be with Scott.
But I didn't want to go. Usually on that weekend I spend my days at home, all by myself, working hard at long-neglected chores and reading and eating well and soaking up the sun, and I love that weekend of time by myself.
But I went like a good sport and really did enjoy myself. I know I've written here before that it's very hard for me to do Youth Ministry things while not being the Coordinator, or even, technically, a team-member, and I've held myself out of being a volunteer in the parish where I work as an adult formation person. But this time I went ahead and broke out some of my rusty old YM skills, and it felt great.
A lot of what we did was familiar stuff, and it's hard to do familiar stuff with someone else leading it, because they don't do it the way I would. But some of the stuff was new, and I tried hard to be-here-now in the familiar stuff as well.
I was reminded of the things I've long loved about youth ministry- the kids were so funny and their responses to God were so deep and sincere. Their observations were surprising and striking. They were generous with each other and took everything seriously.
And I was really reminded of the emotional quality of youth retreats. It wasn't like an old-school get-them-tired-and-play-with-their-emotions kind of thing, like they did when I was a kid. It was just... a lot of love. I could see kids turning to Christ and feeling loved and returning that love right in front of me. It felt, as it always does, I remember- it felt like such an honor to witness people falling in love.
Someday I'll be back in youth ministry, and I hope I won't forget this feeling of honor, and the value of emotion in ministry. It makes me happy to know I still want to go back to where God originally sent me, still have a heart for seeing Christ work in the hearts of young people.

I'm too old to attend my own program

Last night was our third session of the young adult group I'm facilitating for the summer- we call it "Wait...what??" and it's designed for high school graduates and college students and beyond who want a chance to refresh on the basics of Catholicism. We sort of billed it like "did you graduate high school and realize you forgot to learn about your faith?" The idea is giving a place where they can ask their "I never understood this..." or "I don't get this at all..." kind of questions.
Using Paprocki's "A Well-Built Faith" as a structure (well, ultimately more as inspiration than anything!), the actual lesson is pretty scant- mostly just presenting the question/topic, giving some supporting info and a story or two, then we discuss for the rest of the time.
Here's the delightful thing about young adult ministry- they TALK! Anyone who's tried to conduct a group discussion with a bunch of teenagers who are too painfully self-conscious to speak in front of each other will understand what I'm saying here. The YA's ask questions, they admit to their own feelings, they laugh, they get off on tangents and happily jump on each other's trains of thought.
Last night our topic was "Sinners... like me" and we had a great discussion about sin, forgiveness, and Catholic guilt. WW is turning out to be just what I was hoping it would be, with credit going much to the great people who come, and their young adult-ness. Can't wait for next week: "How to pray like a Grown-up!"

Dreaming

The job posting for the Director of Youth and Young Adult Ministry position in the Archdiocese of Baltimore is up, and it sets me to dreaming... as a kid in youth ministry, with my newly-discovered call, I set my sights on eventually working at the diocesan level in my home state of Maine, where YM was progressive, professional, and devoted at that time. I don't know how things are there now, but I've always kept my eye on that office, because, hey- who knows? I feel quite sure that I'd never ever ever get a position at the A-Diocesan level here in Boston. I'll leave that at that. But Baltimore, lovely Baltimore... Scott and I have long looked at Baltimore as the promised land. They actually do stuff- a lot of great stuff! Recently they took a long hard look at the sacrament of Confirmation (something every diocese and YM office should be doing), for instance. They are taking a strong lead in the ultra-important area of adolescent catechesis. Oh, and Compass? So cool. If only Baltimore was in Boston. Sigh...
Still, it's tempting to imagine what I'd do in that position. I have been critical, I know, of the decisions made by our own office in the past few years, so I've spent some time with the question of "oh yeah? What would YOU do then?" And here's what I think I'd do, to start. I think I'd spend a year traveling around my new territory, meeting YM's and finding out what is going on in parishes. I'd read a LOT of bulletins, websites, parish reports, and I'd attend a LOT of YM events, both parish and diocesan. I'd serve on the teams of diocesan activities, as retreat team member, as kitchen crew, as small group leader, as grunt-person. I'd be doing lots of setting up and cleaning up, and I'd attend so many meetings it would make the average person's head spin. I'd ask everyone a lot of questions about how things have gone, how things are going, and how things could/should go in the future. I'd have a lot of dinners, lunches, and coffees with a lot of pastors and YM Coordinators. And I'd do a lot of praying and faith sharing with diocesan staff.
And after all that, I'd get down to work, having identified the mission of the office, and getting people on board with working toward that mission. I love the job description for the Baltimore job- it is a great description, too, for the parish Coordinator of YM. It occurs to me that my description, up there, is similar to how I'd start at a parish YM position, too. Last week our staff discussed that we must not consider our congregation as a big white piece of paper to which we are bringing the color. We must give our people credit for the gifts, talents, and yearnings they bring to the table. The Archdiocese of Baltimore is already doing great work, what an amazing position to step into... their next Director is going to be very blessed to join that team.

Jealous

I'm beginning my third year as an Other-Than-Youth-Ministry-Coordinator- that's hard to believe. I love my current job and am not ready to leave it, I have no stirrings of wonder or urges to wander at all. But I sure do miss Youth Ministry.
This week Scott is at Catholic Heart Work Camp, and every night he calls me to tell me the best stories of the day. There are so many. CHWC is an excellent organization- they know what they're doing and offer a powerful combination of discipleship and social justice work with high-energy praise and worship and deep and meaningful faith development opportunities for their participants. This week Scott has experienced again that thing that makes a YM's job special: the honor of being able to witness the growth and deepening of faith in young people.
I think that the best YM's are at their best in retreat and camp settings; it's a chance to get away from the everyday with your kids, a chance to have the blessing of a significant amount of time with them. It's object-learning all day, and down-time where you have, literally, nothing else to do but hang out together. These are things YM's wish for all the time, and try to create at the parish, but rarely get to do. At home, ministry is often done on the fly, when you get the chance.
Every YM strives to be relational, and weekends and weeks like CHWC really give an opportunity to live that out.
So I'll admit it, I'm flat-out jealous of Scott this week and the other YM's that are there, or somewhere, away with their kids. I'm so happy for him and love to hear the stories and I know I'll be moved by the obvious differences in the faces of the kids from before they leave to their return home at the end of the week. I'm proud to be on the staff of a parish that cares enough about youth and about evangelization and service to support this kind of activity, too. But there's a green monster burning in my heart, jealous of a missed opportunity to be a part of that kind of ministry. I guess that's how I know that my calling to YM is still there- even while I'm on this side-road, I think it must be true that eventually I'll be back in that game- and there will be, I pray, many weekends and weeks like CHWC to come for me and my future kids.

Triduum and Easter tales

It's Easter Monday and even with some good rest yesterday, I still feel like I need some recovery from Holy Week, so while I should be cleaning the kitchen and packing for the trip and calling FIOS to complain about my missing email account, I am sitting on my beeehind watching Hee Haw.
It was the best Holy Week ever, in my humble opinion. Everything was well planned out and presented thoughtfully and with care. The crowds were bigger this year than last, so much so that we kept running out of worship aids. I loved every minute of it. After Mass an older Italian lady approached me and said "I have one remark." Oh? "The young girl serving Communion was wearing TONGS on her feet!" I said "oh yes, yes she was." She said "That's not appropriate." I said "oh, she's right over there, why don't you go and tell her?" This was not the response she was expecting. "Oh nooo, I don't want to embarrass her. You tell her." I said "ohh nooo, you tell her, she's here a lot, do tell her next time you see her. You definitely should." People have funny ideas about teenagers, including this urge to criticize them from afar. I had a pastor once who approached me (because I was the YM) to complain that the group of kids five feet away from him in the narthex were too loud. I said "go over there and tell them!" Sometimes people just need to be reminded to treat teenagers like the fellow parishioners that they are.
On Good Friday I sat on the tabernacle side of the church, so as to greet at that door and to get good pictures of the cantors who CHANTED the Passion. I've never heard it chanted before and it was really striking. I was noticing how many people genuflected before the tabernacle, which was empty, of course, and the doors were wide open. Catholic habits, you know? Silly, really, to bow to an empty tabernacle, but over and over people came in and did so. I love that our faith becomes so ingrained in us that we develop a kind of muscle memory.
On Holy Saturday, the Vigil was beautiful, and a comedy of errors- there were just a bunch of mistakes made, but our priests and deacon took everything in stride and we all had a lot of fun- who'd have thunk that the vigil could be so fun? At the same time, it was beautiful and spirit-filled.
I broke our tradition of sleeping in and lazing all day on Easter to go in for the 9:00AM Mass. We had a baptism planned, and the deacon had planned a big setting with the children's choir, where they sang throughout the baptism. The family of the little girl was amazed at the care and lengths we went to for their little girl (who was a 5 year old, sweet angelic little girl!) and it really felt like a great example of hospitality at work in evangelization. I knew from speaking with the Dad and Godparents in the preparation for the day that they were feeling called back to faith by the recent loss of the child's grandmother, and wanting their daughter to have a religion- and the look on the father's face throughout the Mass was one of amazement- it was clearly not how he remembered church! Everything went right in the preparation with this family and I hope it continues for them.
After the vigil, one of our priests said to me "you were smiling through the whole Mass! Why? Is it because it's Easter?" Well, yes. It's partly because I find so many things funny, like the ladies seated in front of us who were saying the prayers along with the ministers, straight out of her Magnificat. Co-presiding, if you will. Funny. But also, I was just feeling the joy of being a part of this community. On Sunday morning, I was amazed again by how many people I knew in the pews around me, by how much fun it is to be part of a community like this, by the palpable presence of the Spirit in this place.
Ahh, Easter is here, Christ is risen. Indeed, He is risen!

Post the second, Boston Symposium

So. This was the Boston Symposium on Adolescent Catechesis, offered by a bunch of different offices from the RCAB. The original speaker was to be Fr. Brian Bransfield, who I've never heard of. I wonder now what his take on the subject matter might have been. He was called to a big meeting, though, and we were glad when it was announced that Sean Reynolds would take his place.
The day opened with an address by Cardinal Sean, who urged us to make Catholic Identity a priority, by going back to the Sacraments, Marian devotion, and the Papacy. Yeah.
The rest of the day was divided into segments:
Session One: FORMING YOUNG DISCIPLES- a quick review of the NSYR
Session Two: The Conclusion Chapter of Soul Searching
Session three: Are we asking the right questions?
It was interesting to watch people's reactions to what Sean presented. He gave us some fascinating insights into the faith lives of kids, like;

• When it comes to faith, Most teens pretty much follow the faith of their parents.
• In most variables measuring religiosity, Catholic teens, in comparison to other Christian denominations, are worse than all others.
• Most American teenagers were found to be not very spiritual or religious.
• Most American teenagers are remarkably inarticulate about their faith (particularly Catholic teens).

This means, of course, that the way we've been doing faith formation for teenagers in the Catholic Church needs to change, not soon, not now, but 30 years ago!! This comes as shocking and unwanted news to the DRE's in the room who have used the same textbooks for 40 years and felt like they were doing a pretty good job.
The thing of it is, the whole day ended very much to be about ADULT faith formation. If we find that kids basically do what their parents do, then WHY are we using the bulk of our resources on children?
Of course (my words here), ministry to youth is important- vital. Necessary. And... it had better be good. Because when our young people become parents, they'll be passing along what they believe. It can't start with a Young Adult Hootenanny Group, and it can't wait until they stumble back to the church to have their kids go through First Eucharist.
I wonder what people there thought of the presentation. The group was a mix of Youth Ministers, DRE's, and Catholic School teachers, and I bet they expected something a little bit more centered around... well, how to do catechesis with youth. But as for us Whole-Community-Catechesis people, us Lifelong Faith Formation people, I think we were certainly affirmed. I was one of only a couple of people who raised their hands when they asked if anyone's job involved working with parents. I wonder, too, what the Cardinal thought... he was supposed to give some kind of reflection at the end, but instead sent us off with a thanks and an Our Father...

Post the first, Boston Symposium, Rant Edition

So yesterday we ventured into Archdiocesan territory for the Boston Symposium on Adolescent Catechesis. There are two parts that I must report on, regarding this day; the posh new Pastoral Center, and of course the presentation.
I admit that I have such a bad attitude when it comes to the RCAB- twice this very week I heard about two good ideas falling flat because the Archdiocese couldn't make them happen, and of course I've been 3rd-degree burned by some of the Upper Persons in the RCAB organization. So I do admit I approached the day with a chip on my shoulder, well-earned as it may be. It's that same old feeling of running into a bad ex at a mutual friend's wedding- but I did my best to think positive and expect good things from the day. It was my first visit to the Pastoral Center and hooooeyyyy it's nice.
I know, I know, it's donated- the building came from a very generous donor, okay... but I couldn't believe how tricked-out it was. Fancy lighting, gorgeous everything, everything was A-1. This did not look like the building of a group who was trying to dig itself out of a financial hole and win back the hearts of the Little People. And yeah, maybe this is nitpicking but it was nowhere near Green. They didn't even have recycling buckets for the cans and water bottles from lunch. This, I guess, might be a niggling detail, but to me it signifies a group that just can't seem to get their behavior to match their values. Contrast that to the Sisters of St. Joseph's "mother house" which was carefully designed to be a good investment for the sisters, and the design and maintenance is thoughtfully made to be green green green. It's a gorgeous building but no the sisters were careful not to sell their collective souls to build it.
The Symposium was oversold, so about 30 of us were in another room with a screen, speakers, a better view and more space and comfort than the hundreds of people in the actual room. We did participate, and the speaker was great at recognizing our existence and including us in the presentation. I guess I'd say it was an educational day, in many ways!

Catholic Identity

This week I met with a young woman who I met when she was a middle schooler in my first parish. I remember her a slight, sweet girl with a happy smile- at the time I was doing an A-Z model for middle school youth group, where each week we did a different letter of the alphabet for our theme: apathy, bummers, caring, etc. The nights topped off with "can you __________ this?" It was "can you throw this?" "can you eat this?" etc. She beamed through every game and seemed like she loved it. I remember her smiling up at me and telling me how much she liked youth group, saying "You have the best prizes!"
She's an adult now- has gone to and graduated from college, and is now married to a Navy man and living in Virginia! She told me that she and her husband have found a church that they love down there, and she's feeling strong in her faith life, with this new faith community.
I asked her a question that I also recently asked another of my former youth groupers. "Do you still consider yourself Catholic?"
Of the three young women that I keep in touch with from this era/parish, one went to a Catholic college and the other two went to secular schools and/or Gordon College. Both of the non-Catholic school girls said, when I asked them that, "Not really." Both still have some connection to the Catholic Church through family and attend Mass when they come home from school, but they seem to have a deeper identity with Christianity as a whole, than with Catholicism.
I don't necessarily believe that staying Catholic is the mark of a good/effective youth minister, but it does make me think that YM's must must must focus on Catholic identity- helping kids find and form their identity as Catholic.
I'm not sure how this can happen- the young woman who has remained Catholic (enough to seek out Mass to attend while living in NYC on her own over the summer) comes from a strongly Catholic family, a Mass-going family. I imagine there's nothing a YM can do to trump a Catholic family, but... there must be something we CAN do.
As soon as I figure it out, I'll let you know...

off to school

So my nephews are going off to college this week and next, and I can feel their worries and nerves and excitement through the air all the way from Maine to Massachusetts. I remember how I felt, leaving home to go off to college, the biggest life- change I had experienced up till then. But more than that, I remember walking with young people through this time in their lives as a Youth Minister. The waiting and anxiety of waiting for that envelope to come, tears and disappointment of being rejected or wait-listed by a college, the joy and relief of having been accepted, the fears that their choice of schools would turn out to be a wrong choice... and then, the time coming to actually GO to college.
I don't know how many young people I've seen off to college in my career, but there have been a lot, and one thing that always strikes me is how, like coins dropping only into the slot meant for them, kids end up in the Right Place. So many kids' second choice, "safety" schools, have ended up being just where they should have been all along. If there is ever a time in a young person's life when I've seen the Holy Spirit at work, it's been in choosing colleges. It isn't necessarily an easy transition, or a an instant joy, but somehow it always ends up that kids land where they're meant to.
So I feel confident and excited for the boys even as their confidence may be starting to waver. I know that God has plans for them and knows where they should be. I hope they love college from the moment they step on campus- and I hope they grow closer to God while they're farther away from home.

Although I am no simple woman...

and you can do it too...

FOR TODAY 07/22/08...
Outside My Window... another rainstorm swings through the yard. No thunder tonight, though. It's the best-sounding rainstorm we've had in a while, and I'm glad for the coolness and water for the garden.
I am thinking... about the stressful day we had- a lot of awful stuff in one day, and I'm glad that a fresh new day looms ahead. In fact, I'm going to go all Sabbath-keepy, and consider it a new day now.
I am thankful for... the relationship I have with my husband, for how strong we can be for each other, and how much we can trust each other when we're not strong.
From the kitchen... oh it looks like I picked the wrong day to start a simple woman's day book... Scott had awful asian noodle microwavy stuff, and I had a bowl of cereal. We were just a bit too spent to cook!
I am wearing... comfy sweatpants and a t-shirt.
I am creating... nothing crafty- but at work I'm putting together a nifty brochure.
I am going... to miss Scotty next week, as he heads off to work-camp. But I'm planning to get a lot achieved while he's gone.
I am reading... OOOh just finished "Bonk" by Mary Roach, it was AWESOME, and hoo-boy did I learn a lot! For instance, did you know that cheddar crumbs placed in front of copulating rats will distract the female, but not the male? Next up, David Sedaris' new book "When You Are Engulfed In Flames"
I am hoping... for a peaceful and overall okay tomorrow.
I am hearing... bits of music from my itunes, as we play with Scott's new iphone, which has an app that can identify songs that it hears. So Jetsons.
Around the house... are sleeping cats and unfinished chores.
One of my favorite things... ways to spend a weekend is doing nothing, and that's our plan for this weekend. Yay!
A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: my brother's coming on a layover visit Friday night and that means we can hang out on Saturday morning for a while. His visits are always fun and we're glad when he doesn't have to rush off too early.
Here is picture thought I am sharing...
This picture is on the business card we hand out at conferences and such, it says our names and "Youth Ministers" below the picture.










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Expecting

I imagine that turning the Big 4-0 is a different experience for people who have kids. I can only guess that when you have kids, you must measure your life against theirs, to some extent- and that turning 40 with kids who are 5 years old must mean something different than turning 40 when your kids are 20 years old. Know what I mean? My mother had 5 kids when she was my age- FIVE! The thought of one kid overwhelms me.
But not having kids means all I really have to measure my life against is myself, my own dreams for where I would be at this point in my life.
When I got my first Youth Ministry job, I had no way of knowing that I would end up with a heart for faith formation- NEVER dreamed I'd be going to grad school for religious education- I hadn't any idea how much I would suffer in my vocation, never thought my faith would be shaken like it has been, and never in a million years would have envisioned the job I'm in right now, NOT in youth ministry and loving it like I do.
When I told my spir. director how excited I am in my life right now, with so much great stuff on the horizon, so many opportunities for growth coming toward me, she asked how it felt to be in the "not there yet" phase. I said "it feels like pregnancy- like women must feel when they're in happy pregnancies- happy and hopeful and dreamy, excited for the future. It feels like the kind of pregnancy I want!" She said "woah- Margo!" and she was right. Woah. I am feeling all the hope and courage and excitement that I didn't feel when I was pregnant with a baby.
So here I am, almost 40 (about a month and a half to go!) and Expecting.... great things.

talky talky talky

I don't have a voice for yelling. I was a cheerleader in high school, but somehow, I lost that big voice I had on the basketball court sidelines. I wonder if I ever was that loud...?
Anyway, I'm no shrinking violet now but my voice does not carry. In Youth Ministry, I was never one to yell "QUIIIIETTTT!!!" and if I ever did need to get a group's attention, I'd usually turn to someone nearby and say "can you yell for me?"
Often, in groups, I will say something and realize that no one has heard what I said, or is even aware that I'm talking. I've been in groups where I've repeated myself several times and no one even notices me. Usually when that happens, I just give up the effort and move on. If I ever have anything really important for the group to know, I get myself heard- often what ends up lost is some funny quip or story that no one really needed to hear, anyway.
The older I get, the less I like talking- I love long silent days where I don't talk to anyone much at all, I hate talking on the phone. I like listening to people talk though- I listen to podcasts on my ipod, not music, and I listen to public radio all day at work. I like that listening to the radio means not having to hold up my side of the conversation. I'm an information junkie- I love to hear and learn and know things.
But while I'm not so much talky, boy-oh-boy I love to write. Sometimes I feel like I'll pop if I don't grab a pen and start writing. I'm so glad to be alive at a time when I can email instead of phone, text instead of call on the cell. I'm ever so glad I learned to type when I was in high school.
Just because my voice doesn't carry far, doesn't mean I don't have a lot to say.

the club lives!

I just wrote and deleted a snippier version of this entry, and now I'm feeling much more mature and ready to express myself appropriately.
I'm sure disappointed in the appointment of the new co-director at the Youth Min/Young Adult office... it's not surprising that they would create and fill a spot like that with someone who appears to have made a career of being in the Old Boy's Club at the Archdiocese, but I was really hoping things were changing.
And I guess that's all I'm going to say.

who's got the box?

I went to a regional meeting of Religious Ed professionals today to catch up on all the latest hubbub with the Archdiocese. This is a tough diocese in which to work- it's very hard to feel safe and secure, whether you work for a parish, or at the diocesan level. Recently the RCAB has offered packages to employees who have been there for many years- and it has caused some real discomfort among, specifically, the religious education community.
I think it's pretty much agreed across the board that the paradigm for religious education that we have been using for too long... is not the best way to help young people be formed in their faith. Changes do need to happen. But as we "in the field" watch the movements and decisions of the hierarchy, it does make us all wonder- what is the face of faith formation in this Archdiocese to be?
Because decisions and changes are being made without the contribution or consultation of anyone in the field (at least, not that I've heard of so far) it creates an environment of fear. Who is making the decisions that will change our jobs? I just hope that somewhere, somehow, there is an actual, overarching, long-range, forward-thinking GOAL. A very wise man I know said it best- he said that it seems like they are trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle, but they don't have the picture on the box to go by. It's a hard way to put things together, and I hope it'll work better than I suspect it will.

tough week

This week two former youth group kids of mine, from two different parishes, passed away. David was 19 years old and died after a long fight with brain cancer. Alex was 17 and collapsed last week after a track meet event and never regained consciousness. It's a stunner hearing about both these deaths in the same week- their deaths were two days apart.
Alex was a sweetheart and though I didn't know him well, he made me smile and I know he was fun to be around and kind. The worst part of this death is the shock of it- he had been accepted to two impressive colleges and was poised to... well, keep living. No one did or could have seen this coming and no one was prepared for it- his life just changed completely, and one week later he died. I imagine he was having a very normal day right up until his meet.
I have known David since he was in middle school- a skinny kid with patchy hair after a serious bout with the cancer that eventually took him. He told us in class one night that he didn't believe in God because God gave him cancer- but that Jesus was okay. I loved his insights into faith, his well-earned cynicism but sure hope. He was sunny and funny and strong. Just before I left his parish, we went on a white-water-rafting retreat. It was a wonderful weekend. After a silent "emmaus walk" in the campground where we stayed, he told us that God had told him that everything was going to be all right. So many of us that night came back from that walk with the same answer from God. Everything would be all right- whatever that meant.
I hope he held onto that over the years. I hope he knew that God didn't give him cancer and that Jesus was even better than okay. I know he knows it now.
So, two wakes and two funerals in one week, for two beautiful young people. Pray with me for their friends and families.

All my exes live in Massachusetts

I realized today that whereas in the 20's I had ex-boyfriends, what I have now is ex-parishes.
I went to a workshop Monday and walked in a bit late, as is our fashion... there weren't any places for both of us to sit down right away, so we stood awkwardly for a bit scanning the room. I saw our intern at the corner table, sitting with all the youth ministry staff from my most recent former parish, along with the current youth minister from my first parish. It was so weird, all of them sitting together- a big blast from my past right there at one table.
I was a bit distracted by this all during the presentation, and wondered if it was weird that I was so... weirded out by their presence. I guess though that it's not the parish walls I've been effected by, but the relationships. So in that way, my weirded-ness seems appropriate. I don't imagine that all the people at that table were discussing me, or even knew their connection in me. I know I'm not a rock star- it meant nothing to any of them, but it sure was striking to me.
Thursday morning I went back to my first parish for a funeral, which was also awkward, but it's been long enough since I left there that the pain that I felt in leaving there has really faded substantially. I was happy to run into a woman that I knew back then, and to sit with her, but she told me that she is no longer a parishioner there. She said she was "forced out" in much the way that I was. It was sad to hear but also affirming- it meant I didn't just imagine the way I was treated back then, by the pastor and parish I loved.
Hey, breaking up is hard to do, but all those bad boyfriends cleared the way for my beloved One, and all those difficult parishes and their painful ends led me to the place I'm in now- a happy home for my soul.

My Social Profile has been updated...

Facebook sent me this uplifting message the other day:
"In total, you were reviewed for dating 5 times and no people expressed interest in you.
You are more desirable than less than 20% of 23,333,109 people."

Nice to know. I'm going to go ahead and assume it's because I'm married that those 5 people decided not to express their interest. It would be in poor taste, you know.

When I was a kid I knew for sure where I stood on the social ladder. I wasn't one of the popular crowd, but I had friends who were- and I wasn't a total loser, but I had friends who would have been considered that. I spent a lot of time in the music department and with the drama department, and I was a cheerleader. I dated some, and was single some, and had a lot of fun. I guess I'd say I was in the upper middle class, social status-wise, at my high school.

Now kids get actual rankings delivered to their email inboxes, thanks to Facebook. I wonder how that kind of news I got from facebook would have made me feel as a teenager.

Check out this hearing test- then tell me what you think!

Come! On! Now!!!

Check out this job description from the A-diocesan YM website. I have substituted only the names of the parish and contact person (in blue). The rest is completely AS-IS on the website:

St. Ridiculous Parish is looking for someone to assist with the administrative functions of the parish and religious education offices and a willingness and ability to help develop and lead a Youth Ministry Program. Applicants should be proficient in Microsoft, QuickBooks and ParishSoft systems. Experience with religious education and/or youth ministry a great plus. Contact Fr. Ugoddabekiddingme.

Seriously, there's so much wrong with that job ad that I can't even figure out where to start bashing it.

FAME! I'm gonna live forever!!!

Last night I checked D. Scott Miller's blog sort of out-of-the-blue (I usually do blog reading in the AM) and was a bit stunned to see my very own blog quoted there! Now THAT'S a weird feeling. The entry he featured was "How to NOT be a Youth Minister", and he quoted it without comment, so I'm not exactly sure why he chose it. It coulda been because he thought I was idiotic- or brilliant, I guess, or maybe it was just my turn and he randomly picked that entry.
I think I have some much snappier youth ministry-themed entries, like "creeped out", "the part-time myth", and "blasphemy", for example. But hey, when fame comes knocking at one's IP Address, one doesn't get to choose how it goes, I guess. Anyway, thanks for the nod D. Scott... (unless you think I'm idiotic.)