He looked fuzzy in my glasses

Yesterday was my first time in class with my new reading glasses. I was seated at the back of a large room (next to my former campus minister from freshman year in college, as it turned out!) so I was looking at the professor from pretty far away, and then looking down at my reading and notes.
I've always wanted glasses. I always thought people looked really cool in glasses, and love the accessory-ness of them. When I was in college, someone had a fake pair that we passed around, and I did my homework wearing them once or twice- I felt bona-fide smarter when I read with those things on (although now that I think about it, since it was the late 80's/early 90's, they were probably gargantuan and red...). I knew the day would come that I'd need glasses- there's precedent in my family- in fact, I think I'm the last to go over to the shiny side. I always thought I'd look pretty good in glasses, and looked forward to the day that I'd have a ready headband at my nose-tips. I love the look of glasses-as-headband.
But now I see that this is going to be trickier than I had thought. When I had my glasses on, my professor looked fuzzy (as opposed to him looking fuzzy with my glasses on... oh, never mind...) but with them off, I couldn't read very well. I ended up either peering out over them like a scary old lady or pushing my notebook arm's length away from me on the table.
I probably should go to an actual eyeglasses place, and see an actual eye doctor... wasn't that one of my "9 for '09?" Maybe being back in class will inspire me.

cry-oldie

I don't know if I'm in peri-menopause, or peri-peri-menopause, or maybe I'm just stressed (it's hell-week; GOF this Sunday and the big paper due next week, and tons to do before surgery in December...) but I have some serious hotness every once in a while, I am tired a lot, and I sleep much less soundly. And, darn it, I cry more!
Loyal readers (hello, all 6 of you) will know that I am not against crying. I believe it's a useful thing, and I feel the effects if I go too long without indulging my need to shed a few. But lately almost every week at Mass, some song will hit me, or the face of someone will touch me, or the sound of voices praying or singing in unity will send me swooning.
Tonight I'm crying over Grey's Anatomy. One thing that will, for sure, get me crying is a story where a spouse dies... it's the scariest thought ever, to me, the thought that kept me awake nights when we got engaged, the thought that makes me call him compulsively when I haven't heard from him in a while... with much love comes much risk. It's the best risk I've ever taken, and the scariest. Maybe it'd be easier to deal with if I didn't watch so many medical dramas!

It's the October of my 40th year

Remember transformation in two-thousand-eightion? It's going well. I got my hair did, got my teeth cleaned, went for a physical. I still need to get glasses, and in December I'm having some major-to-minor surgery (that's a hint!) in early December. I haven't lost any weight... but I did start grad school! And, hey, I turned 40. That's something.
Maybe it's the anti-mid-life crisis. So far, so good- I feel like I've accomplished a lot, or at least have begun to accomplish a lot. It feels good! I'm even getting some good grades! My Mom told me the other day that I'm turning out to be smarter than they thought I was. So, that's always good to hear.
I think I'll extend the transformation year into 2009... finer in two-thousand-niner? I think it's fair to go straight through till my 41st birthday.

40 and free (two new posts)

I've been making a list in my newly-forty-year-old head of the things that I don't have to ever do again, if I don't want to. It's 'cause I'm 40, dammit, and I don't have to. Here are the ones I've come up with so far.
- be a bridesmaid
- wear really high shoes.
- go to a pool party
- try skiing again
- take a math class

This is not the definitive list, I'm sure I'll come up with more... I used to wonder how it felt for my parents, as they aged, to realize that there were things that they would never do again. My dad used to ski, and I remember wondering if, the last time he skied, he knew it was his last time. I have decided that as I age, I'm going to look at it differently, appreciating the things that I will never have to be burdened with again, instead of losing opportunities and experiences. Maybe someday, at a later age, the other list will start to lengthen, but for now, my growing list is of freedoms. This is fun stuff to think about.

itchy itchy itchy, scratch scratch scratch...

I've decided that itching is the worst feeling. I used to think it was having to go to the bathroom desperately but the thing with that is, you can go to the bathroom and alleviate the problem (and feel the BEST feeling in the world... well, it's right up there).
I guess I've done pretty well over the past few years to avoid mosquito bites but this year I'm riddled with them. Add to that other itches of other types, including the nasty itchy eyes that have been plaguing me all day (and making me look weird), and I have been a very uncomfortable girl as of late. (By the way we deduced that the Yoda eyes and the blotchy red face I now have are a result of a sample size of lotion I tried this week.)
You know, the thing about many itches is that you mustn't scratch them, because that just makes them itch more! That is just evil, and proof that the devil exists. I recently decided that instead of a last meal, the night before I die, I will spend it rubbing my eyes because that just feels so good, but if you have to look okay the next day then you can't indulge yourself. You must just let it itch. Agony. I can't imagine how people with psoriasis get out of bed in the morning. God bless Benadryl and all the other itch-fighters out there.

Now We Are Four-ty

Today I woke up looking like Yoda. Is this what it's like to be 40?
My eyes are completely swollen and puffy. And on new license picture day!





Oh well. Other than that, 40's pretty good so far. The party was a sure blast, and I felt so proud and lucky (blessed) to have such an amazing assortment of friends and family. The guests ranged from parents in-laws and siblings and nephews to Youth Ministry friends to some of my oldest (meaning long-time) friends to two of my "kids" (now 21) from my first parish. To me it felt like a great resume, a list of proud achievements to brag about. Look at all these wonderful people in my life! And there are even more than this- not all the people I love could be there.
PJ made us all Margo-ritas, and I heard him and Kristen saying "why haven't we always called them that?" which made me laugh. I gave tours of our sweet home and felt proud, and watched my husband shine and felt proud of that too.
Oh did I mention that at 4:00, the exact start time of the party, a very very dark cloud loomed over us, and fat raindrops fell, and seriously the loudest clap of thunder ever recorded rang out above our house? I was inside giving a tour but my family was out under the metal-frame tent in the driveway, under the giant tree. It didn't look good for us but soon after, it cleared and the guests started to turn up. It reminded me of our very rainy (read: monsoon) wedding day, another day that makes me so happy to remember.
So thank you dear friends for being here, for being there! If my life has been this good for 39 years, I can't wait to see what 40+ brings.

It's my birthday!

Well not really, actually. But today is my birthday party! I am not the kid who had a big birthday event party every year as a kid. Birthdays were family events; dinner, cake, presents. My brother Chris' birthday is 2 days before mine (that is, TODAY). One year my Mom and sister Nancy worked to throw us a big birthday party to which we could invite 2 or 3 friends each. It was a BLAST, with a really cool scavenger hunt that had us running all over our neighborhood from the cemetery to the library to the memorial building. I remember that Chris' team beat ours because we just could not find what turned out to be the largest tombstone in the cemetery... Looked everywhere. Oh well, it was a really fun day.
So today is the big 4-0 party, and Scott's been working his patoot off to clean up the yard. There's a little tent out there and lights and tiki torches and all. I'm really excited (despite the calls for HAIL) because so many of my friends and family members will be here. For a humble/lovable character like myself (and Underdog) it's a weird sensation being the subject of a big party. I keep saying "is it too greedy? will people think I'm a self-centered jerk?" Silly, I know- I never went to someone's birthday party thinking "How DARE THEY???"
So, it's just a matter of getting myself spit-shined, excited (no prob. there) and ready to go. Happy Birthday to me! (and Chris!)

40,000 mile checkup (two new posts)

So, yeah, I'm turning 40. I had my physical yesterday (and got the aforementioned Tetanus shot) and for the first time, brought a list of things I wanted to remember to chat with my doctor about. A LIST!! Yikes. There were only 5-6 things on there, so maybe that's not so bad.
But the good news is, I'm in good shape. Well, no- I'm in terrible shape, but I'm healthy overall.
I was pretty excited because our PCP just retired, and transferred us to another practice in the building, and so my physical was supposed to be with a young pip of a thing who treated me for a breathing thang I had back in the Spring. Her name was Dr. Ally, I kid you not. She was, I think, about 13 years old and had a terrificly chic outfit on the day I met her, accented with a pink stethoscope. I know the maxim is to choose a lawyer who's older than you and a doctor who's younger, but really, this was too much.
Anyway, apparently Dr. Ally has moved on and I got to go back to one of the Nurse Practitioners from my old doc's office, and I was quite glad. She's wonderful and didn't make me feel too old or too fat. Now I've got a bunch of follow-up stuff to do- blood test, a trip to see this kind of doc, a trip to see that kind of doc. The older I get, the more doctors I get to visit. And I'm healthy!

Expecting

I imagine that turning the Big 4-0 is a different experience for people who have kids. I can only guess that when you have kids, you must measure your life against theirs, to some extent- and that turning 40 with kids who are 5 years old must mean something different than turning 40 when your kids are 20 years old. Know what I mean? My mother had 5 kids when she was my age- FIVE! The thought of one kid overwhelms me.
But not having kids means all I really have to measure my life against is myself, my own dreams for where I would be at this point in my life.
When I got my first Youth Ministry job, I had no way of knowing that I would end up with a heart for faith formation- NEVER dreamed I'd be going to grad school for religious education- I hadn't any idea how much I would suffer in my vocation, never thought my faith would be shaken like it has been, and never in a million years would have envisioned the job I'm in right now, NOT in youth ministry and loving it like I do.
When I told my spir. director how excited I am in my life right now, with so much great stuff on the horizon, so many opportunities for growth coming toward me, she asked how it felt to be in the "not there yet" phase. I said "it feels like pregnancy- like women must feel when they're in happy pregnancies- happy and hopeful and dreamy, excited for the future. It feels like the kind of pregnancy I want!" She said "woah- Margo!" and she was right. Woah. I am feeling all the hope and courage and excitement that I didn't feel when I was pregnant with a baby.
So here I am, almost 40 (about a month and a half to go!) and Expecting.... great things.

Sum-Sum-Summertime!!!

Wow, how did we get to the end of June so fast?? I can't believe it's almost time for our annual camping trip and the 4th of July. For me the trip to Western Mass, while in no way "roughing it" is such a fun kickoff to the Summer months, my favorite time of year. We got engaged, don't you know, at Tanglewood during the broadcast of A Prairie Home Companion, and now go back every year to that sacred place.
Then, after that, comes a Summer tailor-made for me. I'm an Olympic junkie, and love-ove-ove the Tour De France. And did I mention I'll be turning 40 this year, complete with a big old love fest party in my honor, in August?
Then Fall brings grad school and another great year at my parish. I feel a little bit like a spoiled child. It's nice work, if you can get it!

Youch

I threw my back out this week. I did it... washing my hands. Yep, that's it, I just leaned forward to wash my hands and suddenly I sort of slumped over the sink, in awful pain. Weird! Scott, my knight, jumped into action and ran for the aleve. Since then he's had to pick up everything I've dropped and listen to me groan every time I change positions or cough. He's pretty great.
I don't know if I've mentioned that I'm turning 40 this year.
I'm not sad or weird about it but I do catch myself watching for new signs of aging. I am kind of fascinated by the fact that my body is changing. The last time I was at the hairdressers, I eavesdropped on the conversation between the customer in the next chair, and her hairdresser. She said "You know, it was like it allllll went downhill when I turned 40. Suddenly, every time I look in the mirror--- EVERY TIME--- I look different! Something looks older every time! My eyes went, my hair changed, and I just looked OLD all of a sudden!!" Is this my fate?
As interesting as it all is to me, I don't want to spend my life making a symptoms-checklist, subtracting points from my total and waiting to hit zero. I know I can't turn back time but I do want to live, while I'm alive. I may not ever look like I did at my peak, but my life is so great.
Now, somebody come help me out of this chair.

two thousand eightion!!!

One of my new year's resolutions was to blog every day. I think I'm doing pretty good so far, I only made the resolution very recently, and I've posted twice, so I'm feeling pretty good about myself. (Hey, this makes three! SUCCESS!!!)
But I do have a kind of a resolution for this year. I want to respond to God's graces and blessings by being a better person, and I want to transform myself physically to reflect that. I don't mean that I'm going to get all thin and ravishing (it'd take more than a year for that and I'm already starting late) but I just want to honor God better by the way I treat myself. I feel so good in my soul right now, so that seems like a good jumping-off point.
At work, I'm being bold and trying new things- last night was the first meeting of our new theater team. THEATER TEAM! I don't know how to start a theater team!! Seriously, NO idea. But, here's the thing. Somehow the staff at this parish, and specifically the pastor, seem to think that I can do just about anything. So, I'm going with that unfounded belief, and giving everything a shot. The meeting went really well and the people who showed up are excited about it! How cool is that?
Anyway, I just want to be better so I can feel more deserving of all these blessings. I got my teeth fixed, (two cavities!) and I'm taking a bit more care about how I look every day now (I actually DO my hair now...) and you know, who knows? At some point maybe I'll start doing some sort of exercise or something, or maybe even stop eating like a hog. No promises there.
So, my theme for this year is TRANSFORMATION IN 2008-TION. (If you say it out loud it's pretty catchy).
Let's meet back here a year from now and see how it all went.