cry-oldie

I don't know if I'm in peri-menopause, or peri-peri-menopause, or maybe I'm just stressed (it's hell-week; GOF this Sunday and the big paper due next week, and tons to do before surgery in December...) but I have some serious hotness every once in a while, I am tired a lot, and I sleep much less soundly. And, darn it, I cry more!
Loyal readers (hello, all 6 of you) will know that I am not against crying. I believe it's a useful thing, and I feel the effects if I go too long without indulging my need to shed a few. But lately almost every week at Mass, some song will hit me, or the face of someone will touch me, or the sound of voices praying or singing in unity will send me swooning.
Tonight I'm crying over Grey's Anatomy. One thing that will, for sure, get me crying is a story where a spouse dies... it's the scariest thought ever, to me, the thought that kept me awake nights when we got engaged, the thought that makes me call him compulsively when I haven't heard from him in a while... with much love comes much risk. It's the best risk I've ever taken, and the scariest. Maybe it'd be easier to deal with if I didn't watch so many medical dramas!

Waaaaah!

I fell down the front steps at our house today, on my way out to work. I dropped everything I had in my hands (lunch, bag, keys, etc...) and ended up splayed across the steps with what I know will turn into a fantastic bruise.
I stood up, hoping no one had seen, and went in the house, and started to cry. And then I couldn't stop crying. I wasn't in pain, really, and I was glad to have been able to get up in one piece, but I just started crying and couldn't stop. Scott was indisposed but was yelling encouragement from where he was, but I didn't need help, really- I knew I just needed to keep crying until I was done.
Once I told a young girl in my youth group that crying is like sneezing. Sneezing, as I understand it, is designed to expel whatever irritant you have in your system. I think for me, and maybe for women in general (although I have not tested that theory) crying serves the same purpose- it gets out something that is irritating our emotional system. All during that crazy week when I felt so stressed out and overwhelmed, I didn't cry at all- so I guess I had some buildup.
I'm not an easy crier. I don't generally fall to tears at slight provocation, and although I may tear up at sad movies and such, that's about where it ends. But a few years ago, for my New Year's resolution, I decided that when I felt like laughing, I would laugh- and when I felt like crying, I would cry. So this morning, when I felt like crying, I just let it flow- even though I wasn't exactly sure what I was crying about. (I guess you don't have to worry over what I'm sneezing about when I sneeze, so maybe I don't have to worry so much about what I'm crying about, when I cry...)
The only drawback to this vow is that when I do cry, my upper lip swells. I end up looking... well, pretty scary, and it takes a while for it to come back down. Note: trust me, do NOT google-image "swollen upper lip."
Anyway, on with my day. Watch your step out there, ladies and gentlemen.