gene therapy

We'd be at about 7 and a half months pregnant now. At our parish, the Respect Life committee has a big poster up in each entry showing a fetus at exactly the same age ours would be. The posters change every month and say things like "I can hear my mommy's voice!" I can't wait for that damn imaginary baby to be born. There's something pretty disquieting about walking by that poster as time goes on.
I guess I've mentioned before that I have never felt called to motherhood. I remember in college being in the mall with my friend Shannon- she noticed that I didn't even seem to notice the cute babies around me. I seemed to be missing a gene that most women have. I have long had the rep among my friends as being the one NOT to call when you need a babysitter. And don't expect me to hold the baby until that neck can handle itself.
My new job at my new job is to revamp the Baptism ministry. One of the first things I did when I got to the parish after my most recent miscarriage was to attend a Baptism. Now just about every day I am talking with new mothers and fathers and meeting new babies and it is striking. I do see now how people might be able to handle having a baby, if all the conditions are right and they have plenty of money and all that. I'm still not there, but I do think my "babies are cute" gene has awakened. I'll even hold a baby if that situation arises. No problem.
Yesterday we had two baptisms during the 11:00 Mass. The babies were straight off Gerber jars- big cheeks and wispy hair and shiny eyes. I get choked up around babies now, sometimes.