God is Love, and Love is...

It's interesting (and completely understandable) to me how people start asking questions about God's whereabouts when tragedy strikes. It's then that our images of God so often turn out to be incomplete and unhelpful. If my idea of a God, of THE God, is one who keeps everyone safe and alive and comfortable, then what happens when the poop hits the fan?
What I'm suggesting is this: what if it's not God that fails in the hard times, but our understanding of God that falls short? A quick look around shows that God is clearly not a God who keeps us comfortable or safe or even alive. God is not like that, and believing in God that way does not keep anyone alive, safe, or comfortable.
But what if that's okay? What if God can be a God who doesn't make everything okay but still be a God who loves us? Would it be enough for God to be a God who walks with us, who weeps with us, who laughs and celebrates with us? Is the only God worth believing in a God who saves us from all harm and sadness?
If you're like me, then the more you think along these lines, the less comfortable you become with the kind of God that makes everything ok all the time. You start to notice how bad a job that God does, and how unfair the criteria seem to be. Why does this person get a "miracle" and that one doesn't? Why didn't God stop that man from shooting up the theater? Why did he "save" this girl once but not again?
The more I try to understand God, the more complex and simpler it becomes: God is love. Love doesn't fix things, love doesn't save us from harm, love doesn't make everything okay, love doesn't erase suffering. Love loves. God is love, and Love...
...is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Fear and Love and Crying at the Movies

I knew I shouldn't have watched. Nothing on tv bothers me like the sad fate of an old married couple losing each other. Tonight's TCM classic was Make Way for Tomorrow, about an elderly couple who lost their home and had to rely on their children to take them in. None of the five grown children were willing or able to take them both in, so they were split up and lived with different children. The promise was that three months later, they'd be together in the home of another of their kids... but instead, they were separated even farther, after a lovely and romantic night on the town in the hotel where they'd spent their honeymoon fifty years earlier.
I cried and cried at the end of the movie, for a few reasons. Funny, my biggest worry as a kid was that our house would burn down and the five of us kids would be separated like the Waltons. Tonight's movie was a grownup version of that story... and it's just as scary. And now that my parents are getting on in years and fearing their own future, we are all in position to assess what can and should happen for them. They are taking charge of this process so far, which is so kind of them, and helpful. We are blessed beyond explanation that they have planned and thought about this situation much more than Scott and I have done about our own!
Which is my next reason for crying at the movie... it occurs to me that I never remember feeling fear like that I felt when I felt love for Scott and married him for life. I remember thinking that this lifetime commitment, til death us do part, meant just that- that death would part us, one way or another, eventually. How scary is that???
It's worthwhile, this life, I am willing to live with this fear and face this unknown future where ever it leads us. I pray we'll be together for as long as we can be. I pray the same for our parents.

A man and a maid stood hand in hand;
bound by a tiny wedding band.
Before them lay the uncertain years
that promised joy and, maybe tears.
"Is she afraid?" thought the man of the maid.

"Darling," he said in a tender voice,
"Tell me. Do you regret your choice?
'We know not where the road may wind,
'or what strange byways we may find.
'Are you afraid?" said the man to the maid.

She raised her eyes and spoke at last.
"My dear," she said, "the die is cast.
'The vows have been spoken. The rice has been thrown.
'Into the future we’ll travel alone.
'With you," said the maid, "I’m not afraid."

Love love love

When I was a teenager, all I wanted in the world was to fall in love and for someone to fall in love with me. I remember that every time I had some kind of relationship with a boy, I looked for symptoms of being in love, very much like I do now when I'm afraid that I'm coming down with the flu. Is my throat sore? Does my stomach feel funny? Why am I so tired, IS THIS THE FLU???
As a teenager, I knew all about love, what it looked like in the movies and on tv (Joanie Loves Chachi!) and what it was supposed to feel like. I think all teenagers are similar- especially girls, if they're like me- LOVE was the language of my teen years. I talk a lot about love when I describe having a relationship with God to teenagers now. I tell them that when I found out God loved me already, it felt to me like i was falling in love with Him. I suddenly wanted to know more about Him, I wanted to spend as much time as possible with Him, I thought about Him all the time. Love songs on the radio became hymns. I wanted my friends to know Him.
When I teach about evangelization, and about living in the Kingdom, I tell people we should be like people in love- wanting to tell the world about our new special One, glowing from the happiness of knowing Him. I say, "when you're at a restaurant or at a hotel, you can pick out the honeymooners, can't you? You can see it written all over them!" I say, maybe this is what kingdom-living looks like- maybe we should glow from the feeling of loving and being so loved.
What's funny is we spend very little time at church talking about God's overwhelming love for us. Oh it's mentioned, but sort of in the context of theology. Those of us from MY generation are mocked because we were catechized just post-Vatican II. Religious educators scorn "oh for you it was all crafts and 'Jesus looooves youuu'" as if that is the worst message one could teach or be taught about Jesus.
I wonder how different things would be in our Church if more people know about what it feels like to be in love with God? I wonder how many people would be surprised and changed- converted, if you will- to find out how much God loves them.
PS, God loves you!

love first.

Several years ago, I went for a massage. I was looking forward to a wordless hour, peaceful and calm while my tensions were smoothed away. The woman who was to give me my massage asked me about my work and life, and at the time I was a social worker for the state and a part-time youth minister.
A few silent minutes later, she asked me "I hope you don't mind me asking, but... what do you think about CHINS? Do they work?" A CHINS at that time was something you could file for in court if your family was in crisis but the kid wasn't breaking any laws and it wasn't a straight out neglect or abuse case. It stood for CHild In Need of Service. (Of course it should have been called a FINS: Family In Need of Service but that idea hadn't caught on by then- maybe it has by now.)
The massage therapist went on to tell me that her granddaughter was out of control, spoiled, didn't know how great she had it, and the girl's parents were at their wits end. They were considering calling the court to have her put on probation, or maybe sent away to a group home. She wondered if I thought that would bring her granddaughter around- would it make her thankful for what she had, if she'd lose it?
I wanted to stay silent and enjoy my massage, but I had that familiar burning that meant I had a message for her. I said "I think that filing a CHINS on her, and sending her away from the family will only convince her that her family hates her and has given up on her." She was, of course, taken aback. This was not the answer she was expecting from a social worker.
I suggested that this girl needed her family to take her in, take her on, be her hero. Instead of throwing up their hands in disgust, they needed to commit to doing whatever it took to bring this girl back in and love her, no matter what. I told the grandmother that she could love this girl back into the family. I suggested that she start spending more time with her, that she become the granddaughter's champion. And I suggested that maybe volunteering for people in need, AS A FAMILY, might help her better understand how blessed she is, how good she had it. I suggested they start attending church together.
She thanked me and finished my massage, and I gave her my card, and said that if there was any way I could help I'd be happy to, and that I'd be praying for them.
Many months later, maybe even a couple of years later, I got an email from the grandmother, thanking me. She said her granddaughter had come around, things were better, they were happier.
It makes me think about how easily frustration and anger can overtake our other emotions, blind us to other options we have, close off avenues that we should by rights be able to see. Negative energy, I think, is like a cancer, and we have to be vigilant at keeping it at bay. I have a bumper sticker in my office that says "Teach them Love." I think it's a good reminder for us as teachers and as learners. Love must be our first response, and love can change the world.

early love affairs

When I was in high school, I fell in love (didn't we all?). I loved a boy named Dan who was troubled but not getting into trouble. He was a brooding, funny, sweet, moody, deep and fun musician of a kid, and I sure learned a lot through that relationship.
Because I loved him, I wanted to learn about the things he knew about. I wanted to be part of the other things in his life that he loved- not out of jealousy, but out of a desire to share in his happiness, to learn more about why he was the Dan he was.
He loved music, was a bass guitar player, and especially loved the band AC/DC. We listened to their tapes (no CD's yet) in his car on the way to school in the morning, and at his house we watched videos of their concerts. I remember long hours sitting on the edge of his bed watching him learn to play along with their songs. Soon, I started to like AC/DC too- I even bought a tape, and listened to it on my own. Through our relationship I also discovered Stevie Ray Vaughan and lots of great classic blues stuff that I still really like today (for the record, I was always a classic rock kind of girl, which may be one reason Dan thought I was okay).
Also in high school, I went on the Search retreat that was so popular in Maine, and the same thing happened- I fell in love. It really felt the same as loving a boy- I wanted to know more, I craved that warm feeling I had felt when I grew so close to God on Search. I wanted my friends to know about him too. And I wanted to know more about the things that God cared about- out of a desire to know more about why He is the God He is.
Turns out the things that both of these early loves exposed me to, became things I love too. I am glad to have loved Dan, and I am glad to Love God and be loved back by Him.