MAlaise

It's the time of year when people start asking "how much longer do you have to go before finishing grad school?" My answer is: one Summer class, one Fall class, and my graduate project. This summer I'm taking a popular Ecclesiology class with a popular professor, and it had better be good, because I have to get to school by 8:30 AM... AM!!... every day for two weeks. It'll be my only Summer class in my grad school experience, and everyone says that they're wonderful- "like retreats!!!" so hopefully it'll be worth the drive through Boston traffic. I think to beat it, I'll have to leave my house by around 4:30AM. That's only a slight exaggeration.
In the fall I will take an ethics course, unless somehow I can get out of it, which sounds wrong. But I'd MUCH rather take a course being offered that focuses on the Initiation Sacraments, and I already squandered my electives on other classes.
My project is about Confirmation, the sacrament of, and trying to pull together some theology of said sacrament with the practices that parishes use to prepare adolescents for it. I've already done a buncha work on this, as my internship this year, so I hope to attack that and get it done by the end of the Fall semester, and then I'll be done.
Grad school has been an on-the-whole positive experience but I am ambivalent about whether it's been really worthwhile, or if I'm a lot better off having (almost) gone through it. I'll be glad to have a Master's Degree, and I definitely have learned and grown, but I also am so looking forward to having my life back. Before I started school, if people asked me about going to grad school I would say "I would like to have gone to grad school, a lot more than I would like to go" and I guess that's still true.
Maybe it's just senioritis, or the rain. Either way, I can see a light at the end of this educational tunnel, and that's a good thing!
(image credit)

7 Quick Takes: least effort edition

1) so, yeah, I've been absent. And also, absent-minded. Seems that when I get overwhelmed, I miss meetings and forget stuff and, well, drop things, and such. I do not like that, no not indeed. I don't like feeling overwhelmed, and I don't like missing things, and I don't like it.

2) But you must be sick of tuning in here to read about my stress levels, so let me think of something else to talk about. Let's see...

3) I did a quick presentation to my class a couple of weeks ago, about Total Community Catechesis. It's a topic I know like the back-a-my-hand, and the group was friendly and interested, and I was totally prepared, but CRAP I was nervous!! I don't know why- and I was so annoyed by it. I could not breathe normally, and would just talk until I ran out of breath, and then couldn't really inhale all that well. I have spoken to crowds of hundreds of people. Hundreds! Like, 600! And I was excited, anxious even, but I was fine. So, why all the non-breathing in front of 55 lovely people? Maybe because I knew they were mostly smarter than me. (I?) Maybe because my professor's a Religious Ed Guru. Valid nerve-frayers, I guess, but I was not happy. I did calm down after the first minute or so, but, aw, you know. Stop thinking about it.

4) And while I'm at it, I should confess that Professor Guru and I disagree on something. I wrote a little paper mentioning the dreadful textbooks I used to use in faith formation programs, and my belief that one-size-fits-all curricula do not, in fact, fit all- that curricula should be designed by the faith formation people in the parish, according to what will work and what addresses the needs of the parish. PGuru, author of textbooks, disagreed. His comment was that parishes just don't have the resources to design their own curricula.
But this, I think, is a big problem. It's true that parishes don't have the resources- but that's because rather than investing the money into hiring professionals who could do just that. Instead, they rely on out-of-the-box textbooks to decide what to teach. Using a textbook series allows parishes to hire untrained, uneducated, inexperienced people (with loving, generous hearts) to do a job that should be done by someone who is better prepared.
NO I am not against using resources, NO I am not anti-curriculum, NO I am not against lesson plans. I am against allowing a publisher to decide what and how a parish should be educated.
So. there.

5) So I'm working on this Confirmation project. It's fascinating stuff!! The central tension seems to be that no one can really agree on the theology of the sacrament- but also, it comes to this: everyone says "you know, there really are NO requirements for Confirmation. BUT there are things people should have to do to get it." RE professionals seem to be really stuck on this.

We have a free gift for you! Here's what you have to do to get it!

The rules are that candidates are supposed to be "properly prepared" and that is just vague enough that everyone gets to decide for themselves what "properly prepared" looks like... and the other tension seems to be that DREs worry that if they don't put some steps (aka barriers, hoops to jump through, check-boxes) between the candidate and the sacrament, then 1) the sacrament won't be taken seriously and 2) the Church will be taken advantage of. It's a fascinating conundrum.

6) Here's what I should be doing right now: Laundry. Baking cookies. Cleaning the House. Writing a paper. So, gentle readers, you're welcome for this entry- I put aside so much to be here with you. I was supposed to get up and get busy after watching the DVR'd Office episode, but I added the DVR'd The Soup episode just so I could stay here.

7) But now I have to go. The butter is room temp and the washer is free, and Scott is whistling to me, so I must away. Thanks for reading my blah blahs! Check out other people's blah blahs at www.conversiondiary.com.

inform-form-transform

Tonight on my way home from work, I treated myself to an old time radio show. I listened to Lucille Ball's "My Favorite Husband" and the episode was called "Liz learns to swim." The basic premise was that Liz wanted to go to the beach for Summer vaca, while her husband wanted to go the the Weeping Willow Dude Ranch. (She explained that after one meal at the "chuck wagon", she knew why the willows were weeping_ good line!)
Her husband said he'd be willing to go to the beach if Liz would learn to swim. (We'll ignore the sexism that riddles these old radio shows and instead talk about the cool insight I got from the show. Hang on, here it comes!) Liz called her next door neighbor, who comes to her house, explains the physics of water displacement, has her try the swim strokes on the floor of their living room, and tells her proudly that she can swim.
It all made me think about the conversations we've been having at school about the primary goal of faith formation/catechesis/religious education. I read tonight that the goal of catechesis should be "spiritual maturity." However, for years our education programming has not been developed to reflect a goal anywhere near that. Today my professor described it as "pouring from a jug into a mug."
I'm thankful to be working at a parish which takes this idea seriously. I'm thinking particularly of education toward Confirmation. Work has been done in the past several years (by the brilliant youth minister) to broaden the scope of "sacramental prep" from just preparing for the sacramental moment of Confirmation day, to a lived way of life in faith that much more accurately describes the life that a Confirmed Catholic should be living. It makes a difference in the faith and development of young people and it makes a difference in the parish as a whole. It's a good difference.
The saying goes "sitting in Mass doesn't make you a Christian, any more than sitting in a garage makes you a car." You can't learn to swim by studying physics on a living room floor- it may help, but it is not the same as actually getting in the water and giving it a go.

Michelle

So, I'm here "near" the Cape (apparently not ON it, I don't know, it depends on whom you ask) on retreat- and we are in quiet time now, writing letters to those who have inspired us. Kyle, of Popple, read us something called the "Charles Schultz Philosophy" and then sent us off to pray and write to/about the people who made a difference to us in some way.
I wrote a letter to Michelle, whose last name I've forgotten- she was on team for my life-changing, world-rocking Search retreat in high school. She was fun and funny and I bonded with her immediately. She seemed to see something in me that I suspected was there, but no one else had ever noticed. She saw good gifts and qualities and blessings in me. It was such a revelation to be recognized by someone older than I, as someone worthy and special. I was in no way an abused or neglected kid, and all adults had been nice to me all my life- but she went beyond that. She SAW me. She saw me as a person of God.
One tearful moment we shared, that changed my world completely- she told me to always listen to my heart, because it was a GOOD heart. That was an amazing statement to me. I never knew, until she showed me, that my heart was something good, or that I could rely on my own gifts for guidance in the world.
I was writing to her that what she gave me was not affirmation, but confirmation- because I didn't know about the gifts that I had in me, she had to point them out to me- to confirm their existence, to witness to them, to me. This seems like a new insight on Catholic Confirmation- maybe it is to be an opportunity for the parish community to confirm for kids that they hold already the gifts of the Holy Spirit- a witnessing to them about their own giftedness... hmmm...
I really believe that it was Michelle who opened the door in my heart to God's call and to ministry, and I have often prayed to be the person who says that thing to a kid, that changes their world like Michelle did mine. I wish we had kept in touch so I could be sure she knew that she had this effect on my life, and through me, on so many lives.

Confirmation

Last night was Confirmation at my parish- the third of three, as we Confirmed almost 200 kids this year. It was also, I realized, my 16th or 17th Confirmation as a youth minister. After 15 or so, running Confirmations became less anxiety-provoking and more joyful, for me. I know the drill, I know enough about the process that I can skip over the silly stuff (like making the candidates march in order of height, age, alphabet, or social security number...) and just focus (and hopefully help the candidates and sponsors focus) on the good stuff.
I love the Sacrament of Confirmation- it is the red-headed step-child of Sacraments. It has been given a nasty reputation, un-earned, and so much badness has been heaped upon it that many people have no idea what it really is. I love the job of teaching people the real meaning of the sacrament, of re-educating parishes as to what Confirmation is and isn't, I love the shock in people's faces when they hear the history of it. I know, it's a niche-joy, but it's mine.
Last night was my last Confirmation, at least for a while. In my new job, coordinating Confirmation won't be my job. So I tried to soak it all in last night. The nervousness of the kids, the excitement and pride of the parents, the great music, the pageantry. Even the homily was pretty great.
So here we go, on to the next adventure. I guess I never would have thought, when I started in YM, that I'd fall in love with this poor little Sacrament, and spend so much time fighting for its honor. I wonder what new love awaits me in the new job?