Coming Close

I almost had my first vigil tonight. My volunteer coordinator called me around 4:30, and I said I could be there whenever she needed me- the patient was close to death in a nursing home, and the family needed to go home for the night at some point, get some rest. I ended up being scheduled for the 12-2:30AM slot, so I headed for home to eat dinner, maybe take a nap, get things done before my "shift."
But the patient died, peacefully and surrounded by family, at around 7:00. I came so close! I wasn't exactly excited to go and sit with a dying person, but I am kind of anxious to get my first vigil behind me. Ultimately, as much as I feel called to this ministry (it's not technically a ministry volunteer position but it is a ministry for me), I'm nervous about witnessing death. Mostly I'm worried that I won't be a help, or that I'll cry too hard to be calm, or... I don't know.
So I wait on, for my next "opportunity."