Too bad it's raining.

The Life-long Mind-set

2012-01-24T09:33:00.004-05:00

Now that my synthesis has been submitted, and I'm waiting to hear if the readers can tell what it was I was trying to say, I've been thinking a lot about lifelong faith formation and how different it is, mind-set-wise, from the "traditional" classroom model. Specifically about how thinking of faith formation as life-long frees everyone from the panic attached to a graduation-like Confirmation day. DRE's who assume young people will leave their programs on Confirmation day are concerned that they only have up until that day to teach the kids everything. Everything. So their programs are back-filled from that day, and packed with all the important topics. Textbooks are bought and used and finished, dammit, by the end of the year, so that the DRE can know that all the students are right where they're supposed to be.
Here's an example of a situation where this fear-based model came up against a need for pastoral care (in my opinion) and fear won.
Many years ago I got a call from a DRE in a neighboring town, who had just learned that in one year, 4-5 parishes in their town would be merged into one, with the others closing down for good. She wanted help figuring out how to merge the several programs into one, smoothly. The parishes that were closing were small, but historic, and some had strong devotions and some had ethnic religious practices associated with their parish.
Perfect! I suggested that they use the year to make the transition. I suggested they change their schedule to 5 sessions (or maybe that's all they had planned anyway? I can't remember, it was that long ago) and have each parish host one of the sessions. The host parish could serve dinner in their parish hall, featuring foods that reflected the ethnic or devotional background of their church. They could take their guests on a church tour, sharing the emotional connections and histories of the various characteristics of their church, and they could teach about what it has meant for their families to be part of their parish. By the end of the year, each parish would have had a chance to share their parish with the others, and would know each other, and would have learned about different devotions and ethnic practices, and have an understanding of the heartbreak their new parish-mates would be experiencing, too. They'd finish the year at the surviving parish, celebrating their new all-saints-or-whatever parish with a unique understanding of its situation in history.
Even as I write this, I think this whole plan would be awesome! So much good could come from a plan like this. But the DRE there just couldn't do it. She couldn't "waste" a whole year on this plan, because she had curriculum to cover. So, she didn't. She just went on as usual, hoping more volunteers would show up to cover the more kids she would have.
Maybe it went just fine, and probably the parish has merged successfully and is doing just fine. But this, I think, is a good example of the different ways of looking at formation. In a lifelong model, you can let go of the fear that you're running out of time to teach, because you have their whole lives long. And you can open up to the idea that many different ways of learning and teaching are acceptable. You can consider a year of pastoral care a very good use of your parish's time.

The news from inside my chest

2012-01-22T22:34:00.004-05:00

So, I have this flutter. That is, my heart has a flutter- feels kind of like when you'd swallow a pop rock, and you could feel it popping way down in your chest... remember that feeling? Anyway, it happens several times a week, at random times, and the worst it gets is giving me a feeling like I have to cough. I've had it for two years now, and have been on heart medicine (the same kind my parents take... neat, huh? Weirdly, this medication is also prescribed for people who suffer from stage fright...) have worn a 24 hour monitor, had an EEG, and it's been no big whoop. But apparently the medicine was supposed to have had some effect on the flutters, and it hasn't, so this year my pcp sent me to a real live cardiologist.
He was nice, and not bad to look at, and seemed very calm. He said "you could leave here and not take any tests or anything, and probably be fine, but I'd like you to do one test... a 30-DAY MONITOR!" He didn't say it in caps, actually, he said it totally nonchalantly, like oh, you know, a month on a heart monitor.
So now I am wired, and when I have a flutter, I press "record" and it beeps for 30 seconds. This is tricky if, like when it happened last week, I was in a meeting or like Friday night, when I was in the chapel.
I have a bad attitude about this and the stupid pack I have to carry around, and the stupid wore patches that are already leaving big nasty red marks on my skin, and the obnoxious beeping. But as my pastor has said now, twice, and so comfortingly, "you know for some people, the only symptom of heart disease is DEATH." He is a survivor of a triple bypass, so I guess he knows whereof he speaks, but still.
Curiously, my only fear in this all is that I am really just crazy and don't even have a flutter! It has been a very stressful time lately, and I was a little bit worried that they'd just tell me I was having panic attacks. I know that sounds crazy in itself, after all, panic is probably not as bad for me as my heart tweaking out. Anyway, today when I phoned in my "events" the tech said "oh there are some extra beats in there but nothing we have to call the doctor for." I didn't even know that was part of the monitor plan, but I was glad to hear that there really was bona-fide fluttering going on, in my heart, rather than my head.
On a related note, I need to buy some scarves and/or turtlenecks!

Who's cool?

2012-01-16T12:44:00.002-05:00

I wish I could remember what movie I was watching recently when one of the characters was asked about the secret of life, or was it growing older? Anyway, his answer was that when you get older, you stop caring about being cool, and you throw away your dungarees (his word, not mine) and you get some nice, loose-fitting slacks.
I kept thinking about this as I was shopping this weekend with my Christmas gift cards. I could get anything I wanted (you know, up to a limit), and what I really wanted was some LONG JOHNS. It has been hovering at under 10 degrees F here all weekend, and I've been wanting some for a while anyway, along with some nice knee socks, because I am so tired of having cold calves!
I have never been all that stylish, and between bouts of trying to be cool at various appropriate ages, mostly my philosophy has been similar to Gilda Radner's: "I base my fashion sense on whatever doesn't itch."
So today I'm snug and warm in my high socks and long johns and I get this secret of life. Warm is better than cool.

Who's in the Pew?

2012-01-14T22:28:00.003-05:00

I went to Mass at a parish not-my-own today, and as always it was a good experience, spiritually and professionally. I feel like I always learn from visiting other parishes, from what they do better than we do, and from what they don't do as well as we do. This parish had beautiful music, and helpful guides for the Mass parts (although the congregation was about 50% successful on the whole "and with your Spirit" thing).
Mass has been an emotional experience for me lately, because there is so much going on in our Archdiocese, and things are very tense among those who are paying attention. Those of us in the know (and it's not that we know a secret, the word is out about the upcoming changes, but somehow every time I mention it to a non-staff person, everyone seems surprised) can feel the anxiety like a weight, as we look to the future without a real vision of where we will be a year from now.
So while I sat there in my pew, surrounded by strangers but feeling at home, I thought about all the different people there and how varied their situations are. It reminded me that at any given Mass, any one or all of these people may be in the pews:
People who are stressed out and need to hear something hopeful
People who are elated and in the throes of a new love with God
People who are mired in doubt
People who are solid and strong in their faith
People who are hearing God's voice through the music
People who are doing internal exegesis on the Gospel
People who are on the verge of giving up on their faith
People who are back for the first time in years
I could go on, but you get the point.
I know this is true, because at various times in my life, I've been each of those people. It's sort of awe-some to think about the challenge of reaching out to all these people in all these situations, and more, but it's possible for God. Even though the movement is the Holy Spirit's, I want to always remember to be hospitable to all the fragile souls who fill the pews in our church every week.

Youth Minister to Coordinator

2012-01-10T23:01:00.003-05:00

I spoke to a Youth Minister friend this week who shared that she is struggling, is feeling frustrated and burned out. This morning as I was on my way in to work, I was thinking about her situation and thinking... maybe when we reach this level of burnout, it's because it's time to change the kind of ministers that we are/have been. This can be a great opportunity to change our way of working from being Youth Ministers to being Coordinators of Youth Ministry.
Here's a way to think about the difference between the two: what if we went into every YM job planning to leave after about 4 years? How would our priorities, planning, and strategies be different? To me, this is a big difference in thinking than I did in my first YM position. I planned to be there forever, and each year I would think about doing things differently next year. But if I were only planning to stay for four years, I'd be thinking much more about establishing a very solid foundation for ministry that could carry on beyond my time.
I'd be focused on getting leadership in place, on making sure there were a lot of adults empowered to minister, in a lot of different ways. I'd be trying to establish traditions of great service, retreats, and other programs that could be run by someone else besides me. I'd be concentrating on forming a vision for the parish, and transmitting that to important people.
Because, after all, four years is not that much time for this kind of leadership. It's a lot to accomplish or at least to get started. But four years is a really long time if you're trying to find your way one day at a time, and are trying to do everything yourself.
I think our souls have ways of telling us when God is calling us to make changes. We start to feel uneasy, tired, not excited by what used to excite us. And when we're stressed out, it's easy to think in terms of stay or go, but often, it's just time to reframe. My prayers tonight are for all the burned out Youth Ministers out there. I've been there! Don't forget to breathe, and hang in there.

Simple Woman's Daybook

2012-01-06T19:24:00.006-05:00

Seriously, I'm going to start blogging more, and I plan to not be using these cheater-formats so often, so get ready for lots of free-flowing verse from yours truly in 2012.
But in the meantime:
FOR TODAY Outside my window...
There's still no snow! I'm starting to wonder if this will be remembered as That Snowless Winter. I am not a fan of snow, but I do feel a little bad about not having a real winter. Fortunately, it's cold enough that the plants aren't too confused and budding out at the wrong time.

I am thinking...
about all the possibilities 2012 could bring, along with the scary stuff I mentioned the last time I posted. Really, this year could be a classic roller coaster of emotions. I am going to try and just put my hands up and enjoy the ups, and close my eyes and ride through the downs.

I am thankful...
....that Zarley seems to be bouncing back, and putting on some weight, and is her old, playful and obsessed-with-me self. I'm grateful to have more time with her crazy old self. I'm thankful for good things that are happening for Scott and me, and I'm thankful that I'm near the end of my writing for grad school. And, while it lasts, I'm so thankful to work at the parish where I am now.

In the kitchen...
I attempted to make min-meatloaves tonight, but they didn't really hold together. So I ended up making a doctored up version of what we used to call "crummy hamburger," with a creamy mushroom sauce on top, and garlic-roasted broccoli. Scott's joining me on a low-carb, high-fat, no-wheat effort this year, and so far, so good!

I am wearing...
Ha! Pajamas. Of course! Today I changed into real clothes only to go to the library and slog away for a few hours, hit a local grocery store and hoped I wouldn't run into anyone I knew (I didn't) and then headed home to cook, back in PJ's for the night... I'm feeling celebratory, and that means loungewear.

I am creating...
A heck of a synthesis project, I hope! A dear friend of mine is editing my writing for me, and she's not only super-sharp and has great suggestions, but gets what I'm trying to say and is a personal cheerleader! As much as I'm looking forward to having it done and handed in, I'm enjoying writing it.

I am going...
Shhh, don't tell any cyber-criminals, but I'm hoping to go to Florida next weekend! Scott's got training for the summer camp leadership team he serves on, so I'm planning to tag along. The only hitch may be that I'm traveling standby on MLK weekend... but either way, I've got three books to read and my toenails WILL be polished.

I am wondering...
when Cougar Town will come back?

I am reading...
Only articles about Confirmation and Total Community Confirmation right now, but next week, it's books 2 and 3 of the Hunger Games series, and Incredibly Loud and Extremely Close. Wahhhh I can not wait to read secular fiction again!!!

I am hoping...
that the local Church, and I, will come through this upcoming transition time relatively intact, or maybe... better?

I am looking forward to...
Finishing this post. I didn't remember there being so many questions!

I am learning
Well I'll tell ya what I'm not learning, gladly, and that's moral theology. Thank God that class is over!

Around the house...
still, Christmas decorations. Maybe tomorrow, I'll get around to taking those down. Or, maybe Scott will do it!

I am pondering...
Not much, seriously.
A favorite quote for today...
Oh crap, was this one in the list before? I don't remember this one. Well, my fave quote of today is one that isn't actually words- Scott said something to me from the other end of the house today and it sounded like "wo- weebo fla ramala poody!" So I came in to the living room where he was sitting and said "Oh, wo- weebo fla ramala poody?" and rather than being annoyed, he said "Yes, right!" :)
One of my favorite things...
I've had the same slippers since the winter after we got married, 10 years ago. They're blue, from Land's End, monogrammed with my initial, and Scott has matching ones, in grey. I've tried other slippers, but these just endure as the favorites. Lots of happy lounging in these slippers.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
I am handing this damned paper in this week, if it kills me. I mean, you know... it shouldn't kill me, but if it does, I insist that someone pick up my posthumous diploma. Also, we're having fun guests for the night mid-week, and we're going to get those decorations down.

A peek into my day...
Once when I was in junior high, our social studies teacher gave us a test with a list of instructions. The last instruction was "ignore the other instructions, just turn your paper over and put your pencil down." None of us passed the test because we didn't read the instructions first, and clearly I am still not good at this. You don't want to know more about my day at this point, do you?
Anyway, here's a picture of bacon. :)

Happy New Yeah!

2011-12-31T12:30:00.003-05:00

Here we are, at the brink of a new year, and I'm not sure whether it's a happier thing to look forward, or to look back. As best I can remember, 2011 was a fairly good year- although I'll admit my memory isn't quite as sharp as it used to be. Right, right, I remember now- some bad and sad, but also some glad. And 2012 looks pretty promising. NPR is asking on Facebook what word you'd use to describe 2011, and all I can come up with is "adult." I did some grown-up things this year; played a lot of games of scrabble, made some progress toward paying off our debt, weathered some scary times with loved ones, hosted parties, lost our pensions, worried about our parents, grad school, drank unsweetened iced tea, gained weight, lost weight.
But now all is reasonably well, my kitchen smells like chocolate, my dear sweet husband is at the other end of our dear sweet home, the cats are good (for now) and I'm feeling all deep and philosophical. I just made Marble Gooey Butter Cupcakes- the recipe is for a 9x13 pan but I'm bringing them to a party so I thought I'd give cup-caking them a try, and it seems to have been successful, so far. They look scrumptious but are a stitch to get out of the pan.
One of them came out in pieces, so I'm eating it. Whenever I bake, I always keep the lousiest looking one for myself.
It makes me think that in every batch of life-choices we make, there are bound to be some that come out a little rough, and it's a good rule of thumb to remember that those mistakes, well, they're for me. Not everyone has to see them, and they usually still taste good (better if you eat them right away). My mistakes are for me- to gobble up and learn from, to perfect my skills on. It's not a bad rule for life. Maybe this year I'll look for mistakes I chew on and learn a little something. I was going to say "grow from them" as I am currently doing from this delicious cupcake, but that's the opposite of one of my resolutions. Must stop growing wider.
I called my parents to wish them a Happy New Year, and asked if they had resolutions- my Dad told me he's going to keep working out this year, and my Mom said "If I had any, I wouldn't tell anyone." I said "sure, and a year from now you'll be telling us how successful you were at all your resolutions, and no one will be able to doubt you." Not a bad idea...

Eeyore's New Year's Message

2011-12-28T10:54:00.004-05:00

What a year 2011 was. A roller-coaster of emotion. Some friends who were in dire danger have turned back toward health, while we lost a dear friend and colleague. Here on the hill all has been well- we've started to see what it means to be aging, and to have aging parents, but so far so good. But I am always a little bit dreading, having had such a charmed life, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I imagine it can't just go on being smooth sailing forever, especially when people I know are hit hard by tragedy. How can we expect to be happy and good like this in the long run? Our turn is coming, I just know it.

I don't know if being constantly wary is good for me, or bad- I suppose bad, because it makes me a little bit unable to enjoy the present fortunes. But for some reason, I am loath to just relax and live in the now. New Year's is a time when I feel this particularly acutely. What horrors will the new year bring? Will this be the year when I finally get what's coming to me?
I know, I know! Gloomy! And living with a low grade fear-fever doesn't insulate me against bad things that may or may not come, they come whether I am ready or not. My mom told me once, when I was young, that it was better to have low expectations because that way, I'd never be disappointed. Sound advice! And it's served me, well...
But here we are, days before the new year and dealing with the news that our lovey cat Zarley is in (has?) chronic renal failure. We're between diagnosis and plan, but we are not those people who mortgage their family to pay to keep their pets alive. We want to get the timing right and honor her sweet self, and be good pet-owners and make it as good for everyone as possible. She's such a sweet kitty, a crazy old lady, and outside of my family and a few friends, one of my longest-standing relationships. I want to be as good to her as she's been to me.
And our Archdiocese is slowly eking out plans that may totally change our lives, professionally and personally. Our parishes are being re-configured, and while it was always something that would need to be done, there is a lot to this plan that is scary. I spent more than a few minutes at Christmas Mass thinking "is this the last Christmas we'll have this? Where will we be a year from now? Who will be our pastor? Will we still be a staff?" They won't tell us anything real until they're darned good and ready and so all there is to do is stew and worry and spiff up our resumes. I'll be glad to have a Masters' Degree in my pocket.
You know me, I can deal with bad news but I do hate suspense. I don't exactly want to fast-forward through time, but if I could only get the ending of the story emailed to me, I think I'd do better in the midst.
So happy, cheery new year everyone!! I promise this year of blogging (which should be more often than last year, since I have no homework to do!) will not be totally gloomy. There are good things coming, too, this I know.

7 Quick Takes: Merry Me Edition

2011-12-15T22:01:00.003-05:00

1) I am starting to feel super Christmas-y. Even though it's over 50 degrees out, and there are moths banging themselves against our storm door, we have the tree up and decorated and lit up, and somehow suddenly I can stand the sound of Christmas music. We have some shopping done, and rumor has it we will be allowed to sleep in on Christmas day, and all is pretty much right with the world so far. (I am just enough of a cynic to have to add "so far.") Tomorrow is my first day off with nowhere to be in SO long. I can hardly stand the excitement. I'm going to make cookie dough for my coworkers, do the grocery shopping, and make cinnamon ornaments. With glitter!! I'm giddy.
2) This week I attended my last class of my grad school career. I can hardly believe it. I ended the whole thing with Fundamental Moral Theology, the course I was the very least interested in. It was hard, and not my bag, but I stuck with it and even did all the required reading, mostly. Today I handed in a 20 page paper that I am so glad to be done with that I only proof-read it once- so reckless. I hope he likes it. Please God let me not have to take this class over again!
All that's left to do now is my Synthesis Project, which consists of two ten-page papers and a 5 page pastoral plan. I feel like I have warmed up with a heavy bat by doing this 20 pager, and the synthesis should be light-weight in comparison. I will submit my first draft in January and then do any revisions needed, and defend it by April 2 to graduate in May.
3) Once I'm done with the project, I'm going to do so many things that I couldn't do while in grad school. Not because the classes took up all that much time, but for three years now I have been in "I should be reading" mode. This last class has required an ave. of 250 pages of horrible reading a week. But right now, I pretty much have nothing I should be reading. It feels kind of wicked. So once I'm done, I'm going to read things that aren't about God, and I'm going to watch documentaries, and I'm going to do crafts, and I'm going to visit my parents more. I'm going to... well I don't even know. But I will have unburdened time to figure it out. (Oh I'm going to blog more!!)
4) I'm back to seeing my spiritual director after a long break, and I know I've said this before here but she is amazing. She basically hugs my spirit for an hour and reassures me that I'm not horrible, not Wrong, and that God is still walking with me. I wish everyone could have a person like Mary to go to, and I hope I can be a person like Mary for people who come to me.
5) I'm way off my diet. I'm enjoying the binge eating and all, but I'm looking forward to getting back on the wagon at some point after the holidays. I love ice cream and croissants and cookies and cider and... all that stuff... but I love feeling better, and I feel infinitely better when I've cut sugar and flour out. But for now, on goes the bender.
6) We are about to go through some significant changes in the diocese, which may put my job at jeopardy or at the very least will put me in competition to keep my job. You can imagine a diocesan-wide Survivor reality show, where everyone tries to be Christian while not getting their tiki torch snuffed out. I am trying not to be nervous about it, but also feel a little like we're waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am in a wonderful, beautiful, holy parish with fantastic people and am loathe to leave there. I can't really envision my future right now and that is an uncomfortable position for someone like me, who hates suspense.
7) My brother asked me recently how school had changed my personal theology (well that's probably not exactly how he phrased it but that's what he was asking) and it is an interesting thing to think about. I think I sounded a little groovy to him when I said "it all comes down to LOVE" but there you go. It turns out that those 1970's catechists were right on, and super-radical, and in touch with Jesus' super-radical message, when they focused on the message of Love. I am sure now that we can tell what's of God and what's not, by asking simply "is it of love?" I mean... that's big. If something's not of love, it's not of God. If I'm not being loving, I'm not being what God calls me to be. It sounds simple but it's just the opposite. Following commandments? Now that's simple. Love? Hard.

I'm heading to bed early so I can have a full day of not having reading to do tomorrow. Merry, merry merry!

What rung are you on?

2011-11-28T09:10:00.002-05:00

I will be done, pretty much, with grad school in January. How cool is that? I'm starting to see a ton of free time open up ahead of me. I've been fantasizing about doing crafts, reading books that are not about God, taking naps, and just experiencing that state of being where I don't have to be thinking "I should be doing homework right now."
I've also been thinking about doing some volunteer work, finally. I work in a parish, and do what volunteers do for my living. I do ministry, and I do cleanup, and I even sort food for the food pantry collection. But, I do it because it's my job, at least to some degree. I do good things, and I am spiritually fed while I am feeding, but it's... my job. I feel like it would do me good to go and help someone else out.
I believe that we should always be doing something to pull people up the ladder. No matter what rung we're standing on, there are always people hanging on the steps below us. I know you have heard it as many times as I have, on tv and radio shows, people saying "I thought I had it bad, but then I saw..." During this time of high unemployment, I feel like it is a great time for people to go and give their free time, and get some great experience and exposure, and feel like they are doing something important and worthwhile. I've even heard about hospital chaplains who ask their patients, some very very sick themselves, to pray for other patients in the hospital. However low we feel on that ladder, there are always people below us who need us- there is always something we can do.
In January we have our first NODA (No One Dies Alone) meetings at my parish. We'll be working in partnership with the local Hospice to set up a vigiling team, to sit with people who are dying and have no one to call. I'm feeling very much called to this ministry- not just to make it happen in the parish but to serve. The timing is perfect, and I am really looking forward to this.
I cannot wait to end this part of my life and start something new and brave! Who's with me?

Look to your left and to your right...

2011-11-16T08:51:00.002-05:00

I lead a lot of groups, and this thing happens at every group I attend or lead, so I think it must be something.

At every group there's one person who is extra challenging, or who is less than socially adept, or who is a conversation hog. There's one person who is extra geeky, who makes comments that are WAY out there. There's one person who makes everyone think, "if that person wasn't here, this group would be PERFECT!"

And since it happens every time, I can't help but think there's a reason for it. So many times in groups we talk in theories- what it means to be Christian, what Jesus is trying to tell us in the Gospels, stuff like that. Then we roll our eyes at the crazy/weird/ annoying thing that person does.

I think God sends that person to every group, because we need her there. We need to be reminded that it is not all just theory. We need to put our money where our mouths are, and treat that person with respect, patience and kindness. As God said in "Evan Almighty:"

Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?

On top of every other reason to be respectful to that person, we should be respectful because they need us to be. They come to Church stuff because they NEED JESUS. They want to hear God's voice and feel like they're in God's presence. Can we really be satisfied with being the eye-rolling, impatient representative of God's Church for these people who need love? Do we want the Church to be like every other group these people try to belong to?

Here's another thought that I can't get rid of- since that person is in every group, what happens if we find ourselves in a perfect group? Maybe it means that if you can't see him there, then YOU'RE HIM. After all, someone needs to be the least fun in a group, the least smart, the least cool. And when we're HIM, won't we want to be treated well?

That God, He is a good teacher.

Several Quick Things, remote log-in edition

2011-10-30T09:04:00.002-05:00

1) I've been plagued with electronic issues lately. My laptop, which died a near-fiery death a year or so ago (I forget now) and was brought back from the brink by a generous friend, still has some quirks. Think Steven King's Pet Semetary. You know, it lived, but there's something a little different about it, and it's kind of... mean? Aw, Fluffy! What happened? Ouch!

Anyway, it mostly manifests this way- the wifi works beautifully, everywhere, except at home. Which really wouldn't be much of an issue, except that the laptop can't feel the presence of an ethernet cord either. SURE, you say, google and get help from the brains online. Well, I did, at work, and after doing what they told me, it has sort of returned to a semi-life, with each page taking about 4 minutes to load, mostly text-only, and sometimes not at all. But it's... better than nothing?

1.5) Also, my Satellite Radio receiver is acting up. About 5 minutes after powering on, it just goes silent, and stays silent. The display taunts me with the name of whatever show I can't hear. Sat. radio is frustrating enough for a talk-radio listener, viscously blanking out whenever there's an important point or punchline.

1.7) So I'm relying a lot on my wonderful, blessed IPhone. I can play my podcasts on the car radio through the doohicky I have, and have constant access to google, IMDB, and facebook. Thank you God, and I guess, Steve Jobs.

2) it truly did snow here last night, we got about an inch I guess, although it's hard to know with all the rain and slush what really counts as snow. I'm looking out the kitchen window right now, at our lovely summer furniture and my garden covered with slushy grossness. We had all day on Friday to get it covered up or brought in, and the shovels out, and whatnot, but instead we lazed around. Mother nature now mocks us, and I continue to sit on my butt. So, HA Mother nature.

3) this week's This American Life is about middle school- as a Youth Ministry couple, we listened intently... and it was really good. It reminded us how thoughtful and deep middle schoolers really are, and what a great age it is to do some great communicating with kids, before their mouths officially clamp shut. But it also affirmed how scary, treacherous, and anxiety-ridden middle school can be. One person talked about how little he thinks middle schoolers are even able to learn, school-wise, because they're so full of all that's going on inside and around them, and I have to admit, I don't worry much about how much material middle schoolers learn (in religious ed) but I do think it's invaluable time in which to form and strengthen connections with caring adults, faithful peers, and God. Middle schoolers, they are awesome. I think a lot of people see kids in middle school as a lost cause, but it's the exact opposite. It's just about appreciating them for who they are and where they are. The Church that does that for a kid, at a time when no one else is doing it, is able to make a difference.

4) Along these lines, I visited the youth group at their annual Laser Tag Lock-In. No head injuries this year! One girl did ask for ointment for a scrape she'd gotten on her arm, but by the time I got back from the first-aid kit with it, she was already off playing Guitar Hero so I assumed she'd recovered okay. I stayed a lot longer than I'd expected to, because the kids were SO fun, so great. They were kind to each other, said the funniest things (Scott won one round and was bragging about being number O-N-E and a kid came up to him for a high-five and said "oh yeah? Well I came in last, L-A-S-T-E!" Also, there was "you don't play video games? Why not?" " Because I have a life?") It was grade 8-12 and the range in sizes and movements and humor was massive, and fascinating. There was a big scene when someone got mad because people kept shooting him... in laser tag... and a family dispute, and everything turned out all right. I had a blast, just watching everything and having conversations with the kids. Well worth the sleep lost.

5) Last night, in the midst of our groggy post-overnight sleep, the carbon monoxide detector started to chirp. I swear they are set to lose battery power at night. Anyway, my natural response was to try and sleep through the chirping, and my second natural response was to rip the detector from the wall and pull out the battery. and stuff the whole thing under a nearby blanket. Scott, with a cooler head, got up and reset the detector and we are no worse for the mid-night wear.

6) My cats are getting old- 16 and 17, by our best guesses, and although they are still healthy the older one is continuing to get... well... crazier. It's coming out as a deep, obsessive love for me. She follows me around, must be near me or if possible in my arms, like a baby. She has double paws, and claws, and love from her is painful. But to deny her affection feels so mean. I wake up at night to her trying to take the same space as my head, imposing herself on my pillow or sometimes, licking my forehead in a fit of mid-night passion. It's... sweet, but so annoying. But I can hardly deny her. It is a lot of work to be the object of someone's obsession.

Okay, the roads seem clear, and the sun is out, so I'm off to work. Wonder where the shovel is?

7 Quick Takes, Rainy Friday Edition

2011-10-14T09:42:00.005-05:00

1) It's Friday, but a GOF Friday which means we should probably be getting ready to go in to work. I should also be putting the final touches on my teaching (it's Baptism tonight!) and of course... reading Fundamental Moral Theology. Are you sick of hearing about how I should be reading for this class? I'm sick of saying it. Sorry. I am going against every instinct to really read our stuff and not skim it, not read only the subtitles, not only read the last paragraph of every section or the last sentence of every paragraph. I'm really trying to be an actual student because it's my last class and I feel like the professor really expects us to read it all, and... I do want to say something reasonably intelligent in class, but I have to tell you it is miserable stuff. I have new respect for philosophy majors, and a new hatred of philosophy.

2) I teach the parents of younger kids at GOF, and love it. They are a wonderful group and are so good to work with. They respond back to me, they speak to each other when prompted, they nod their heads. I tell them how much I love and respect them (because I DO) and how wonderful they are to even give a little bit of a crap enough to go to a thing like GOF with their kids. I always try to hi-hosey this group (there are enough teachers around that we could switch often and take turns) but I always grab them. This summer our DRE asked for feedback from a few of the parents who had been there throughout our 8 year history of GOF (not just about my teaching but overall opinions about the programs) and one person said "She is great! She must be getting sick of us after all this time though!" which makes me think, hmmm... maybe they're hearing a little too much of me. Maybe THEY are sick of ME. It's possible. This would be a great semester to hand off this responsibility to another capable teacher, and I'm gonna. But I'm going to miss them, and I hope secretly that they miss me...

3) yesterday was Graduate Project Orientation and I was one of the near-graduates there. I don't want to jinx myself by saying how doable it seems. There is a much harder option, where you write a 50-75 page thesis, but why on earth would anyone pick that? The PhD students there said that sometimes people choose it if they "have their eye" on a PhD program (oh God no) but that by the way, their PhD program did not want a 50-75 page writing sample upon admission. So, you'd have to be nuts to choose this. There is also an artistic option. You can make a piece of art, or do a performance! I won't choose this, which I'm sure would be a shock to my undergrad self. In freshman year of college we all had to do some kind of project/production for a freshman intro class that was required of all of us. I wrote a poem about how everyone reads into poems too much, put it on a big white board, and called it a day. Got an A. I am gifted, I guess, at finding the minimum requirement and then doing that impressively-enough well. But not this semester. I'm looking forward to my paper. First Draft is due January 5!

4) I had a conversation with a fellow red sox fan last night and understood everything that was said, and knew what to say back. It wasn't a super deep statistical kind of stuff but I totally sounded like I knew something about the sox, and I did! How cool is that?

5) My parents have bequeathed us their bird feeder, which is called a "Yankee Flipper" but should be called a "Squirrel Hurler" or a "Hurl-A-Squirrel." It has a MOTOR on the bottom that will fling anything heavy that tries to get on it, thusly:

What you can see at about 1:35 is that although the squirrel can't hang on, the spinning does shoot out a ton of birdseed, which the little bugger can eat off the ground once he's done feeling woozy. We have not yet seen a squirrel give it a spin, but we have come home just about every day to a half-pound of bird seed on the ground under the feeder, and a menagerie of birds and critters literally stuffing their cheeks, happily.

6) I've got nothing for number six, let's just move on.

7) So I wrote this whole thing on here about my new understanding of how God works, and it took me a month to even get up the gumption to write it, and I tingled when I posted it, and outside of one (good) comment (thanks Cate), I've gotten no response. I kind of thought this was the thing that would make me a theological rock star, and was ready to entertain (and then reject) offers from PhD programs, but... no. Ah well. Still, I hope it makes sense to people, or doesn't, enough to make them want to send me a note. I'm more than willing to hear that it's CRAP, even.

OKAY, time to get showered and ready for work. Baptism excitement here we come! Hope you have a wonderful weekend! Check out ConversionDiary.com for more 7-Quick-Takers.

God as Perfect Parent

2011-10-10T14:31:00.004-05:00

There's a thing that I can't get off my mind. It came to me on 9/11, at Mass in Maine, near my hometown. It's not exactly 9/11 related, but I got to thinking when the priest, during the homily, asked "where was God that day?"
You know, too, that this has been a year full of bad news, for people that I know and love. It's been the kind of year that makes a person wrestle with her faith. I never did lose faith but all along, since almost exactly a year ago, I have had a vague understanding that I was coming to know God in a whole new way.
Anyway, I was in Mass that day, thinking about how God works, and this is what came to me:

I am not a parent but I have seen this happen, so maybe you have too. Picture a young child, a toddler, who's pinched his finger. When little kids pinch their fingers, they cry like their heart is permanently broken. Their pain is REAL! I know, because I've had my finger pinched too. This child's mother responds by holding her child and soothing him. She knows that the child's pain is real, because she's experienced it too. She doesn't do much to fix the pain though, and she doesn't remove every possible pinching thing from her child's existence. She has the perspective of many years. She has a whole lifetime of experience to know that, although the pain is real, it's temporary. Seen in terms of a lifetime, that pain is practically nothing!

Here's another thing I've seen. Teenagers get their hearts broken, and feel like it's the end of the world. I remember so many teenage girls over my years in ministry, who were absolutely crushed by some rejection, some hurtful thing that a boy did. I know that their pain is REAL, because I've experienced that pain myself. There is nothing you can do for a heart-broken teenage girl but listen to her and love her through it. I know things will get better and that the world is not better because I have the perspective of time. I almost wouldn't even want a teenage girl to go through her teenage years without having this experience, however truly painful it is.

So, it occurred to me, if the experience of a lifetime helps me have perspective about the pain that we all feel in youth, then how must the experience of ETERNITY give God perspective about the pain we all feel in life? Maybe this explains, in a way, why God doesn't intervene the way we would want Him to, when we're in trouble. Like the toddler, or the teenager, we turn to our parent and beg them to take the pain away and never let us be hurt again. But the parent, even if He could, doesn't. He knows that however real our pain is, it's temporary. Not just temporary, but God knows that in terms of a eternity, our life-time pain is practically nothing.
We can't believe it because the pain is so REAL. It's hard to imagine in the moment, or the lifetime, that this amount of pure and real pain will ever be dwarfed by anything.

God knows our pain is real, because God has experienced pain. And God knows that we can't see beyond our very real pain enough to say "aw heck, this pain is really insignificant, compared to eternity!" It's not our job to have that perspective, but it is God's.

So if this is true, then I know it has implications for my prayer life, and my relationship with God. I can stop asking God to fix things because I know God doesn't do that. It's not a question of whether God could fix things, and whether God won't fix things, but that God doesn't have to fix things for me, any more than a parent would splint a pinched finger or home-school their teenager so as to avoid her having any romantic relationships. God simply loves me through my very real pain and knows that I'll figure it out when I have more perspective.

How, then, do I pray? I think... we can look at our young people again. The toddler runs to his mother and cries, accepts her comforting. The teenage girl does a lot of crying too, and turns to someone who will love her through it (this is where Youth Ministers earn their stars!). When we are hurt in this lifetime, we run to the arms of our God, who almost wouldn't even want us not to have this experience... who knows that in terms of eternity, this is so temporary... who loves us through.

(I'm not totally settled on this new theology, I'm still mulling it over. But it's giving me a new way of thinking about God that I'm kind of liking. It's probably heresy. I dunno. Don't call the pope just yet, let's work this through a little more.)

No-day Panorama of Goodness

2011-10-10T11:06:00.003-05:00

Today is what my friend Nancy calls a "no-day." No-where to go, no-thing to do, no-body to see. This morning I did my only errand, which was to go pick up bacon (couldn't skip that one). Then I made breakfast, and Scott and I ate on the porch. It's in the upper 70's! After breakfast I was drawn like a magnet to the new (inherited) rope swing in our yard. I settled in without an ipod, without a book, without even my iphone, and listened to the birds, watched them eat at our feeder, saw the little planes buzzing over our neighbor airport.I sat there for a while, pulled my feet up and let the swing turn me around.
I got a panoramic view of our little neighborhood and it was like a sweet version of my life passing before me. There was my garden, so productive this year. There were the sunflowers I planted by the light pole on the corner. There was the sweet apartment we live in and love, and then the car that's paid off and only makes a little bit of a concerning noise. There, there was the porch on which we've dozed and played and laughed and cooked and relaxed. And there on the porch was Scott, lazing in the sun with his feet up.
We have free tickets to the fair, but I bet it's already crowded there... and I'm a little worried about being tempted by corn dogs in the midst of my latest first week of low-carb eating. (PS, have you seen all the wheat belly stuff? As if it isn't hard enough to cut out carbs! I wish I had the guts to cut out wheat though! Yuk yuk! "The guts!")

Comfort Food

2011-09-24T20:39:00.005-05:00

Every time my family gets together and I bring something that tastes good, my mother (bless her heart!) will undoubtedly turn to me and say "who would have thought you'd be able to cook???" or something similarly uplifting. Praise never was her... gift. But the truth is, I've been surrounded by some REALLY good cooks for a long time, and it wasn't until I got married and had my own captive audience that I really got a chance to develop my... chops. (yuk yuk!)
But now I have a pretty good repertoire and what's more, I really like to cook. Tonight I overestimated the Fall-ness of this Fall, and baked a chicken for dinner. When I roast a chicken or turkey, I chop up mushrooms, onions and a clove of garlic and drop them in the pan under the bird. I usually put a few in the cavity too, just for fun. When the bird is done I can make gravy right in the pan (tonight it worked beautifully- oh so yummy- just added some cream and a few sprinkles of flour). I love the chunks of vegetable in the gravy.
I also made an apple pie today- a honey apple pie. It's an easy recipe, none of that tedious mixing of the apples with sugar. Just pile the slices in the crust, pour honey over the top and sprinkle with vanilla, cinammon and dot with butta. I don't know what the butter's for, but when someone tells me to add butter to something, I just do it, no questions asked. Here's the link to the recipe, and here's a pic of mine:
Can't you just see the deliciousness squiggling up in the air, out of those steam vents? YUM.

Anna and Our Staff

2011-09-23T21:32:00.002-05:00

hello.
I've been not posting, because I have so much reading to do. It's not that I'm actually doing the reading, but if I have reading to do and I'm not doing that, then I shouldn't be hanging around blogging... when I should be reading...
But we just got home from a friend's wake, and I'm so tired and sad but also so proud and grateful. Our friend Anna was our office manager at the parish, and she died this week from gastric (and other kinds, eventually) cancer. Anna was an average Jane, just working hard and cooking for her family and loving her granddaughters, and she was diagnosed in March and worked right up to August. Through working together, we know her family; we all went to her daughter's wedding and her granddaughters were baptized with us, and we were there for her beloved mother's funeral. Anna was a big part of our staff lunches, keeping us posted on good town gossip and happy stories of her family. She would gather us all together to celebrate anything that came up, at her home or out at restaurants.
Tonight was the wake for our friend and the staff understood that we would be there for it, for the family and to help out. After a while, we all found each other and stood at the sacristy door watching the wake unfold- the largest wake I've ever seen. Soon, we all moved into the rectory to find some food and have a drink in Anna's honor- we sat around and told stories and ate together and I realized that that was exactly what Anna would have encouraged us to do, and would have been the first one up the stairs to pour everyone a drink.
Back to the wake and we stuck together still, our staff, hanging on to each other, taking care of each other. We were the last ones there, helping the funeral home staff move flowers and vacuum up for the morning. I'm so thankful for Anna's legacy with our staff, which has become a funny, loving, quirky family, and I'm fiercely proud of the work we do and the way we hang in together when things are good and when they are bad. I'm so thankful God brought me to this parish.

Mega-Veg

2011-09-17T16:12:00.002-05:00

Just strolled out to my garden after what seems like forever and may have been weeks. I had spied some red tomatoes out there and wanted to see what time had produced. What I found, my friends, was a MASSIVE cucumber. It's so big, I don't even know if it will taste good... it's bigger than our remote control, longer than Scott's head. That onion in there with it? It's a vidalia- so there's some contrast for ya. Looks like tonight we'll be having cucumber soup with a side of sauteed cucumbers, and cucumber ice cream for dessert.
No, we won't have any of that, really. But we may have some cucumbers, cut with some salt sprinkled on. What else is necessary?

By the way, that's our first carrot, in the corner near the onion. We continue with our tradition of producing non-carrot-shaped carrots. Ah well, I'm sure it'll taste just fine... with a side of cucumber.

Breeeeaaaathe...

2011-09-16T08:10:00.003-05:00

With all this September stress, I'm trying to keep things in perspective. While I'm stressing about getting all my reading done, I know that people are experiencing real stress and real suffering. I'm trying to find places that I can give myself breaks. This week I met with my advisor at school and she agreed to let me put off my thesis work until next semester. I felt like I could stand straighter the moment I asked to make the change. On the way home from my appointment with her, I had a window open in my car, and the vibration of the air coming in that window was making my head throb. I cracked open a back window and felt instant relief, and knew that this is what had just happened with my advisor, too. Just taking the pressure off in one place means that I can relax more across the board.
Tomorrow we have our only day off and I'll spend it reading. My new (and LAST) professor is assigning more reading than it feels possible to achieve in a week, but I'm trying to remember that sitting on my porch in the sun, at my comfy home, with two cats and a wonderful husband inside, is a darn sight better than what others are having to do on Saturday. I can do it.
Don't forget to breathe!!

WOAH!

2011-09-05T14:44:00.003-05:00

There is a lot going on. We moved my parents to their new apartment at "The Home" and are trying to clean out their house to be sold. Want to buy a house? My brother is getting married this weekend and Scott is recovering from an appendectomy. Want to buy an appendix? (Note: You can't buy an appendix, even on ebay. And why would you? You don't even need the one you already have!) Add this to some work stress and I can feel my shoulder muscles seizing up just from typing about it.
The fact that today is Labor Day and that therefore labor is strictly prohibited is actually an added stress. There are some work things that it would have been great to have dealt with TODAY, and my parents need to see a doctor, but can't. (The nurse line said "that is urgent, but not critical" which I think means "oh that's bad all right but this is a HOLIDAY WEEKEND.")
But I guess I should just chill out and enjoy the forced relaxation. As soon as the wedding's over, classes start, and GOF starts at the parish, and the whole year takes off like a malfunctioning merry-go-round. Which is to say, still a fun ride, but faster than one would expect.
It's a stressful, busy time of year, so I bet you're starting to feel stressed too, so I will pray for you, if you'll pray for me. For patience, for endurance, for grace. For trust that we'll get to it all, and get it all done, and won't ruin the world with our missteps. For moments of peace and contentment and joy. Ahhhh, okay everyone, let's get back out there!
photo credit

Bungee Your Projectiles!! Do it!!

2011-08-27T19:24:00.004-05:00

We are home safe in the house, and everything outside has been battened down, in preparation for the coming hurricane. Yesterday I bungeed down our potential projectiles, including the plants hanging on my fence. I feel pretty good about our hurricane preparations, although I would never say that (and certainly not say it online) because it seems like that would be asking for trouble. I hope we've thought of everything though.
This being new england, everyone is talking very tough, saying that it's going to die out before it hits us, laughing at people who prepare. This is something we hear before every blizzard, too- "it's new england, get over it!! If you can't drive in a blizzard, you should move to Florida!!" but this one does seem to have the weather people riled up pretty good, and I feel like I'd rather prepare than not. I remember watching the coverage of Katrina, and thinking "why didn't they LEAVE???" We can't say we haven't had a LOT of warning. It's not even really supposed to hit here until mid-day tomorrow. I mean, I'm not being hysterical, but I don't want it to be my lawn chair that crashes through the neighbor's window, and I can always use the water I have in pitchers and pots. No waste, no harm, no foul.
Best case scenario, we'll have a good little show, and make it through unscathed, and... have to stay home from work, due to the state of emergency? Stay safe everyone and charge yer phones, just in case.

Oh look, it's Friday, and I can do this legitimately!

2011-08-19T15:02:00.004-05:00

I just saw Scott off to a bachelor party-camping trip, and now it's thundering out there to beat the band. This week has been a roller-coaster of emotions, so you might as well come along for the ride, in 7 stops.

1) First, on a happy note, I celebrated my 43rd birthday (holy cow, 43? I haven't given that much thought but it does seem old, now that I'm typing it... or at least, really adult!). I am so blessed with such great friends- we went on a sushi crawl, four places (two of which begged us to stay, promising better sushi than any other place). We went to one place for apps and drinks, then two more places for their specialty rolls, and then pulled up to the 4th place which was to be the top of the list- but it was closed. How disappointing! But we did all right, ate a lot and had a TON of fun. I smiled all the way home, glad and grateful for such friends and my sweet husband, who dressed up to be the chauffeur and even changed his tie for each new restaurant.

2) I know I've mentioned here that this has been a year of bad news, and just in the last week we've gotten a couple more gut-punches. I've been wondering lately if this is what happens: you know how at some point, in a couple of year's span, everyone you know gets married? Then, a couple years later, everyone starts having kids? Well I've been wondering if in the same way, over a span of a year or two, all the shit starts hitting all the fans? 4 or 5 of my friends have lost a parent this year, or experienced some sort of parental trauma. I see now that as we're all getting older our parents have hit this stage of need at the same time too.

3) This year when a friend of ours was diagnosed with something serious, I was gutted. I spoke to a mutual friend and told her the bad news, for which I got in some minor trouble. I know my friend must have felt that I'd gone over her head with the news, but when I told, it wasn't because I wanted to tell her story- it was because it was now my story. The news I shared with this friend was about my sadness, my worry, my concern. I was a mess and needed to talk about it- I never even thought that I was betraying a confidence. I wonder how much people in crisis know that their stories become part of the stories of the people who loved them. This year, my story is having chapters added with some regularity. In a way I'm grateful to be able to be part of the lives of these good people, and honored to be invited to share even in the bad news.

4) My parents seem poised to move out of their house; they now have keys-in-hand for their new place, and my siblings and I are anxious to get them moved. I know this will be emotional time, and stressful, and a lot of hard work. I think we are all looking forward to having it over with, and ready to move on to the next phase of this journey. Still, I'm pre-emptively tired and wondering if there's some way I can't just make it all go smoothly for everyone, while they're off a lunch or something. For now, though, I have an urge to hunker down and take cover while I can. With the place to myself this weekend I'll get lots of reading and some chores done and spend some time in silence, gathering strength for whatever comes next.

5) My brother is getting married, and I'm so thrilled for him and for his bride. They seem like a perfect fit, and so happy- it's thrilling to watch, even from afar! I keep thinking about our wedding, I guess that's natural- I mean, when I think of romance, I think US! But overall I can't wait to celebrate with my family, this exciting and happy occasion. This week on a random trip through a nearby town, Scott spotted this sign, with my brother's and future-sister-in-law's names. Hurray for coincidences!

6) I'm almost at the end of my studies for my Master's, and I'm stunned to realize that my theology has gone through some twists and turns through it all, and has surprisingly ended up with LOVE. People in my generation are mocked for having been given sloppy CCD in the 70's, with the insufficient message of "God is LOVE" as the main idea. Of course, it was a tumultuous time, just post- Vatican II. There was confusion, I reckon, on what to teach- but there was still one dependable truth, that of God being Love. Older people found this to be rubbish, and despair at the fact that the people of our generation don't know much Catholic vocab, and can't answer the questions in the Baltimore Catechism. But I have a feeling that it was just that God-being-love stuff that might have helped people like me hang in there in this Church, even through some pretty awful times. And little did our parents know how radical a message this Love business was. Only now, in my last year of grad studies in theology, I'm starting to grasp the hugeness, and the radical-ity of it, myself.

7) which makes me feel like the people of my generation are people who could save this Church from falling further apart. We have seen how our parents' 1950's faith stories are turning out, we looked the scandal square in the face, we made decisions to stay or to go. We have been given the Good News that God is Love, and we have the capacity to understand how life- and world-changing that Good News is. We have a unique perspective, very different from our parents' or our children's. We, I think, more than any other current generation, will come to know what will have to be done.

Wow, this is not where I expected these quick takes to take me, thanks for bumping along with me on this one. Read more at Jen's Conversion Diary blog, and may you have a decidedly un-interesting week!

For the Love of Reading

2011-08-16T19:09:00.004-05:00

In August, we catch up on all the birthday presents we've neglected to give over the past several months. We are pretty bad at giving gifts on time, and I blame this on the fact that we are both youngest children. If I've missed your birthday, do let me know, I'll get something right to you!
Anyway, I bring this up because lately, in the face of all this gift-buying, we've been talking about buying books for the kids we love. I can't keep track of whatever is the latest thing for kids these days (I think we had some hits during the whole silly band phase but that didn't last long), and it feels like something personal to buy someone a book that I loved or that Scott loved at their age.
So we bought our 3-year-old neighbor a copy of Mike Mulligan's Steam Shovel (he is a truck lover), which is still in print! At a used/antique book store, Scott looked for Ribsy, and I poked around for The Diamond in the Window and The Swing in the Summerhouse (out of print, sadly, and expensive!). I loved these books and can still remember how it felt to read them. We bought Scott's niece a copy of A Wrinkle In Time, another book I adored. For my niece Nina, copies of The Mysterious Disappearance of Leon (I Mean Noel) and The Tattooed Potato and Other Clues by Ellen Raskin.
I don't even know if kids read real books anymore- do they? But what I do know is that my sister Nancy was instrumental in gifting me with a love of reading, and introducing me to some wonderful YA books, and I'm forever grateful to her for that. I do have one tiny beef to register, about the newer printings of these books- they put illustrations of the main characters on the covers. I see why they do it, but... I feel like there's a lot of value to letting the reader conjure up their own mental picture of Meg Wallace. Maybe that's just a curmudgeonly thing all my own, but seeing the illustrated cover of Ramona the Pest made me object: that's not what Ramona looks like!!!
It's been fun revisiting my YA friends. Such good memories of many many hours spent together! I hope our kid friends fall in love like we did, way back when.

Leaving Home

2011-08-13T22:08:00.003-05:00

Woah, what a roller coaster of emotions this trip home has turned out to be! I'm writing from my parents' computer room in what is soon to be their ex-house. They're moving closer to me, closer to most of my siblings, and into a much easier situation. The move is a good thing, good for everyone, and I'm relieved and excited about how it's all falling into place. Still, it's a big change.

We moved to this house when I was a young teenager, from a much bigger and older (and better) house across the street. I don't feel a lot of attachment to this house- it's too new, too ranchy, and I didn't want to move here in the first place. It wasn't designed with the kids in mind- it was built to be a place my parents could ease into their older age in. All one level, easy to heat and brand-spanking new. Unlike our old house, it is small, and outside of the custom touches my Dad has added (Scott says he has a little wooden shelf for everything!) it's pretty bland.

But now that my parents are leaving our home town, and it's kind of emotional for me. I shouldn't complain, it's been many years since I've spent any time here at all, and I haven't even visited enough to call it my home in a long time. But driving through town tonight, sitting in the car at the Dairy Queen, hearing the sounds of the fair through the trees, it's all so familiar, like knowing my way around my own house. We have lots more trips up here to come, as we start to empty the house and prepare it to be sold, but it feels as if a switch is being flipped this weekend, and there's lots of "last time" vibe in the air, for me.

You can go home again, I guess, but not forever.

Zipadee doo dah and BLAM!!!

2011-07-30T18:38:00.004-05:00

Today was one of my favorite kinds of days. I got up at a reasonably late hour (nowadays I can't sleep very late. Is it old age, or just the fact that my cat begins to mercilessly lick me at a certain time every morning?), had some breakfast, watched an old movie that thrilled me (it was inner child perfection!!) and then headed out to the garden.
As I sat next to my garden frame, weeding it and counting cucumbers, and listening to both Radio Lab AND the second crop of baby birds in our birdhouse, with the sun shining on me, I thought: my life is WONDERFUL. I am truly fortunate and grateful.
But I have to admit that the best second of my day was... well, let me set this up.
We live in an old house. The plumbing is not modern. Our sink backs up all the time, and we've tried all the green and not green ways to clear the drain. Baking soda and vinegar, boiling water, and all the different brands of drain de-clogger. Running the dishwasher leaves a couple of inches of gray water in the sink (both sides... ewww!) for a while. We are careful, have a mesh cover over the drain and lately we've even been pouring everything through a coffee filter! Old-house living is not for the impatient.
BUT TODAY! Today we bought CLR Power Plumber. IT IS AWESOME!!! I found it on Amazon and the reviews were great, so I bought it downtown, and gleefully invited Scott to join me. His job was to hold a towel over the other drain, and I filled the main side and stuck the CLRPP into my drain, and pushed...
BLAM!!!! It shoots some kind of (supposedly gentle) chemicals and compressed air into the drain, which we were not exactly ready for. But it was SO EXCITING! And yes, the drain cleared out immediately. We have 14 more applications in our can, and if you have a slow drain, we would be happy to come and clear it out for you. It was that fun.
I also made pesto (first time! In the blender! I used this recipe, but used toasted sunflower seeds instead of pine nuts. Could not find pine nuts anywhere!!) from the basil in my garden today, and we had it on haddock for dinner. And I got my laundry done, and cleaned the kitchen, and just loved this day. Ahhhhh Summer, and there's still a whole August to go!!

Help a Brotha Out

2011-07-29T20:50:00.004-05:00

So here's what I've been thinking about lately.
We've decided that this year at our parish is going to be the year that we start really empowering people to volunteer, to step into ministry, to do service. The thing that is holding us all back, as a staff, is that we feel bad asking. We don't want to burden people, we don't want to ask too much, we don't want to impose. We know that people are more inclined to help if they're asked, we know that every person who is in ministry today is in ministry because they were invited, by someone, personally. That's statistically at 100%. Okay that's not true. Some people see a need and fill it, some people, I guess, read it in the bulletin and step right up. But mostly, people serve because they are asked.
And here's the thing. I think people want to help. My sister, once when her pet was having a health crisis, agonized about calling my friend, who is a vet. I had a feeling that Sandi wouldn't mind helping, but Nancy was so worried. I asked Nancy (who is a teacher), "if Sandi's son was having trouble reading, would you be mad if she called you for help?" Of course not. We all worry that people will be offended if we ask them to use their expertise to help us, without paying them for their time, but doesn't it feel great to use our gifts and talents to help people we care about? (Oh gosh, I hope Sandi and Nancy don't mind me using their names!)
Oh but wait, this is my real point. I keep thinking of this episode of RadioLab that I heard a long time ago, about heroes. The story is about an award for people who do heroic things (like, SERIOUSLY heroic things) to save the life of another person. The criteria were strict; the candidate had to put themselves at risk to save another person, for no good reason. But there was a problem... can you guess? NO! It wasn't that they couldn't find enough people who fill the criteria! (You should totally listen to the show.)
Thing is, I think we are givers, by nature. I think we want to help. I think that as a staff, we should be inviting people to do what they are naturally inclined to do. God gives us gifts, not to keep, but to give away. I want to be known as one of those people who helped others use their gifts.

over-rested

2011-07-24T08:50:00.004-05:00

I love Summer and I love vacation, but always by the end of it, I'm craving my regular life back. I am looking forward to having normal food at normal times, getting a normal amount of sleep, getting back to work to do all the stuff that I haven't done all summer, and not running out of money in the bank half way through the week because I'm doing so many fun and expensive things.
Today is a weird transition day between what has sort of felt like a vacation (that is, it's been a disruption of my work week, and it's been hot, and we're broke!) back to work- but we're going to a banquet with our pastor instead of going in to the parish. It makes me a little anxious not to touch base there, because I have been away so long (really, only 3 days since I last was there!) and don't feel prepared for tomorrow's GOF meeting (was there something I was supposed to do? I forget!!) and will be late tomorrow, prob'ly, so I won't even have a chance to go in before the meeting and get myself together.
Well I'll try to keep my mind in vacation mode, and enjoy the free food and (I assume) air conditioning at the banquet, and apologize profusely tomorrow for whatever it was I was supposed to have done. I'll blame it on the wicked course-load from last week. Yeah, that's what I'll do.
Truth is, when I'm away from my parish, I miss it. I miss the staff, the crazy Monday lunches, I miss my office, I hate to miss Mass there- so many faces that I don't get to see, so many funny things and poignant things and good people. I'll be glad to be back in the swing of things.
Tomorrow, normal life. Ha!

7 Quick Takes, Heat Wave Edition

2011-07-23T13:27:00.004-05:00

You can click on the image to see where this whole thing started, and although it's clearly meant to be done on Fridays, it's an awful fun thing to blog with... thanks conversiondiary!

1) I finished my ecclesiology class yesterday, which turned out to be as great as everyone had told me it would be. My professor was amazing, and although it was physically trying to sit still and focus for 3 hours in the early morning for full-on lecture, I learned a LOT and this class will be one that changes my ministry.

2) Did I mention it's been wicked hot this week? 106 degrees yesterday, which is fairly unusual around here, although I feel like we do have a day or two of this every Summer. Yesterday was, I think, the peak, and walking outside felt like a slap in the face. We are fortunate to have TWO air conditioners in our apartment, one in the bedroom and the other in the living room, and as long as we don't use them both on high at the same time, we won't blow a fuse. Hey, that's just the kind of sacrifice that this kind of crisis calls for.
Really the worst part of it is that the thought of turning on an oven or standing over a stove or grill is just too much. We've been eating out a lot, which is no good for our budget or our waistlines.

3) We have had guests in the house most of the week, which is also unusual for us- we do not have a guest room so anyone willing to stay over here is relegated to a couch or air mattress, and must be willing to share said spaces with cats. We've never had a bad guest, despite the limitations of our place, and we love having company. I always wanted to have a place where people would come and visit and, I think I've mentioned this on the blog before, it gives me a weird thrill when we have something someone needs, or have plenty of food and drink to serve, and when people seem comfortable in my home, I feel real pride. Even better if they can stand some clutter here and there.

4) The Tour De France, my favorite part of July (outside of all the other great things to love bout July) is coming to a close. I've seen at least part of every day's race, and love it just as much as I have since I discovered it. I found it probably 7 years ago, back in the Lance Armstrong years, back when my work schedule started in the afternoon, a Summer when I just couldn't take Regis and Kelly anymore. I love that the Tour is ancient, has all sorts of unwritten ruled and traditions, and that the commentators are so catechetical. They teach about how the drafting and slip-streams work, and how the teams work together, and about things like "natural breaks" and feeding zones that the cyclists do. It's fascinating! The fact that they need each other to succeed is fascinating to me- in the last parts of the race, a cyclist will turn to another and urge him to take over the front position so he can "take a break" from pulling all the weight. One good example of what I mean is this: early in the Tour this year, a cyclist crashed and broke his pelvis when he flew into a deep ditch. His teammates stopped to carry him up the hill and to the ambulance. But the cool thing is, up ahead, the group of cyclers (the peleton!) heard about the crash, and stopped competing until the teammates caught up to the group. They just eased off and slowed down until they could get back in. Nice, no? I like the idea that the group of teams, all competing against each other, still take care of each other and rely on each other to succeed.

5) Our garden is still awesome, and I will post some pics today- we've gotten 5 or 6 cucumbers, not counting the one I left out there so the bug that had already started to eat it, could go ahead and finish. I have 13-15 little tomatoes, and a spaghetti squash! The carrots look awesome... and I've already pulled up a couple of onions, which were sweet and didn't even make me teary when I butchered them up. Woo gardening!!

6) Last night I went into Boston to take Scott and a friend in to the Red Sox game. We took the train in, and had a beer at the Bleacher Bar, which I highly recommend. It's built right in to Fenway, in the space of the old away team batting cage, and it has a big garage door that opens right out onto the field. You can watch batting practice and the game from there, but there are NO photographs allowed. This is more of a tragedy because over the bar, the men's room has a clear glass window over what I'm told are the urinals. From the bar you can look up and see people's sheepish or gleeful faces, and sometimes they wave... and sometimes they wave both hands. Impressive.

7) I'll have to come and finish later, I'm off to Mass... just you wait, it'll be great!
(time elapsed: two hours)
...I'm back, we went to a parish in our town that had no air conditioning and a nice enough but seriously long-winded visiting priest. I mean come on, when it's 97 degrees IN the church, you've got to have some MERCY for crying out loud.
Anyway, here's a picture of our friend Greg in that infamous men's room, waving his hat at us through the window. He's not tall. And you're not supposed to take pictures in there!!

Summer School (and the award for using the word "stuff" too many times in a blog post goes to...)

2011-07-19T16:57:00.004-05:00

So I've been taking a summer class, Ecclesiology, with Fr. Michael Himes. It's fascinating, and he has a fascinating take on the subject. I overheard him tell someone today that he rewrites his lectures every time he teaches the course, so as not to bore anyone. But he has the kind of mind that's so full of stuff that I imagine it's a pretty consistent narrative, year to year. Today I was imagining his brain, just full, and how if he donated it to science at some point, they would be amazed at the theology and Church history and world history and music history (!) he has crammed in there. I know, you can't see that by looking at a dead brain- but this class involves getting up really early in the morning and so I can't be responsible for the kind of daydreaming I do before noon, on little sleep.
Anyway, it's a great class. He started at the beginning of the Church, and has pulled us along through history since then, and we're just getting to the point where he's wicked excited about what he's teaching (not that he hasn't been having fun teaching up till then. He loves this stuff! I love a teacher who loves what he's teaching) and that means Mohler, and Vatican II. We did Schleiermacher, whose reading was impossible, but the prof. made sense of it and even made it sound like fascinating stuff! He's making my head spin in a way that makes me look forward to writing my final, just so I can work out the questions. Good stuff.
This is my first and only Summer course at the school, and it's been an interesting experience- the Summer Institute is populated by people who come from far away and spend the summer studying and sightseeing and making friends. Half of my class seems to be from Australia. We don't get to comment much in this class, but I love listening to them chat with each other at break, and love how they say "MONING" to everyone that comes in the room before class. Being mildly introverted, I don't really mix with them, but do chat when chatted with, and I know some people from the academic-year programs. It's friendly enough, and I'm enjoying it. But sheesh I'm TIRED! I have made it on time every day so far (knock wood) but somehow I never remember to go to bed early to make up for the early rising. I'll get the hang of it by Friday, and then it'll be over. The worst part is that the dense reading and early rising make for nappy afternoons, and I've got a lot to do.
Soon I'll have lots of ecclesiological thoughts to share, but for now, it's back to the books.

Oh Broccoli!

2011-07-05T19:00:00.003-05:00

Remember those old Alka-Seltzer (or was it Pepto Bismol) commercials that went "I like ________, but they don't like me!" Now that I'm older (as with so many things!) I get what they meant by that. I could fill in that blank with garlic or broccoli, and that is why this week is the best week to make oven-roasted broccoli, which is the recipe that I have been so crazy about over the last few weeks.

It's so delicious that it's worth the repercussions, as long as everyone in the house has some, and believe me, everyone in your house will want some. It's so good that I've been willing to heat the oven (and my kitchen, which is only a larger oven) to 425 degrees, even in this Summer heat.
So, do try this recipe, and enjoy. For the record, I've made it with bacon grease in place of the olive oil, for health purposes, and it's just as good. If not better. Oh yeah.

Jiggety-jig

2011-07-03T17:14:00.003-05:00

I'm home from our annual camping trip and all settled in to my happy place (read: chair in front of the tv). I had a bunch of energy when I got home and should have unloaded the car completely, but it was rainy (or, looked like rain, or had rained recently) when I got home so I just took out the essentials (cooler, suitcase, food and toiletries) and left the rest in the car. I had some energy because I stopped on the way home for a nap- I woke up ridiculously early this morning and was wiped by 11:30, helped by a sugar crash after a donut from a local shop near our campground. Oh, God, it was good. Anyway, I stopped at a scenic vista and took a snooze about a quarter of the way home. I know, a chain-saw wielding murderer could have attacked me and no one would know where I was (it was a beautiful windy road along the Quabbin reservoir) but I thought it might be equally unsafe to drive asleep. It was beautiful there, anyway:

And you know if you're going to take a nap, it might as well be overlooking a gorgeous mountainside. I guess.
Instead of unloading or bringing the air conditioner up from the basement, which I also considered, I got dinner and sat down to watch today's leg of the Tour De France. I can't believe it's only 6:22, when's bedtime? I'm so excited to sleep in my bed tonight!! Maybe I'll take a shower before bed and do the cursory bug-bite official count, and revel in the feeling of cleanness and water pressure. Our town's fireworks are postponed, so it's only the illegal fireworks I'll be listening to tonight, just the cats and me, missing Scott while he's away at Catholic Heart Work Camp.
Happy Independence day everyone, here's to days off and homecomings and cats sleeping in suitcases on top of dirty laundry.

Ode to our Nick

2011-06-30T07:47:00.002-05:00

Here on the North Shore of Boston, every town has their Roast Beef place.
These RB places, they make a sandwich- they carve the beef right off the roast and put it, warm and juicy, onto a hamburger roll (or an ONION roll!) with your choice of toppings, and then a special barbecue sauce (or, I hear there's a horseradish sauce too).
Once you've lived on the North Shore for a while, someone will bring you to one of these places and teach you how to order. My order is "Junior, LTM Sauce, and a small fry well done." That's Lettuce, Tomato, Mayo, obviously, but these things must be ordered in haste and when you use the initials then they know you're no outsider and will not be a pain with your order. They're not like the soup Nazi, they're very patient, but it's a badge of honor to know how to order like that, and also an early sign of heart disease.
These places are not fancy, but clean and run like clockwork. They are Greek, and offer Gyros (pronounced "yeeros" I think, delicious wraps with garlic sauce like WOAH.) along with their beef as well as Greek salads with perfect creamy Greek dressing, and they're closed on Greek Easter.
At ours, Nick made the sandwiches for over 20 years and made them the BEST of anyone who worked there. He had a thick Greek accent, and a big smile, and if we would call to order, he would tell us "ok, number one!" but I am pretty sure he gave everyone the number 1 when they called. Scott had a long-running joke with him, ordering a slice of pizza every time we went there (they don't serve pizza), and he was always friendly to us, and to everyone.
We had heard that Nick was sick, some kind of cancer. Yesterday when I went in, the young man at the counter told me Nick has died. The crew there had just come from his wake, and his funeral is this morning at the Greek Orthodox church. Nick will be missed, and no one's roast beef sandwiches will ever be as good as his...

Trapped at home with the birds

2011-06-28T17:09:00.002-05:00

I'm happily trapped at home because Scott is at a long meeting and my car is in the shop. Something about brakes, but they're covered under a LIFETIME GUARANTEE!! so it's just the annoyance of being carless for a while as it is being fixed. I finished my book, and my laundry and there's not a lot of food in the house (it's pay week!) but I can't go get some more, and can't get started on packing up the car for the camping trip. I've finished my book (funny, but dark, and a little too close to possible... scary!) and had a nap, and now I'm facing a yawning gap in time. I'll make chocolate chip cookies, but have to wait for the butter to soften up a bit. Ah well.
Outside the crows are cawing and chucking at each other. This neighborhood is a hangout for a crew of large black crows who behave a lot like a gang of bad middle schoolers downtown after school. They just hang around and intimidate the smaller birds, knock at the birdfeeder until it spills seed on the ground and then gorge on the stolen seed. They just sit there, talking or yelling at each other, and they have little squabbles over nothing. At dusk they fly around from tree to tree, yelling and annoying the neighbors. Whenever I walk outside I clap my hands, making them scatter, making me worry about whether or not they'll recognize my face and hold a grudge as I've heard on NPR. Why doesn't the parks department put something on for them in the summer?? Keep them busy?? The yard is full of the scars of them digging for grubs (well, fine, they can have the grubs but do they have to destroy the grass?) and their poop is on every surface. I guess that's different from middle schoolers, if only slightly. Ha!
I actually really love middle schoolers, so maybe I should give these birds a break. They do give a creepy feel to the neighborhood though. The birds, I mean.
Anyway, must figure out something about suppa. Ahhh, trapped.

Googling on Sunday

2011-06-26T17:44:00.008-05:00

Today I was faced with the dizzying opportunity to go to Mass anywhere I wanted to go! I have today off, and although I do get homesick for my parish when I'm not there, I love to go check out other parishes and see what they're up to.
Coincidentally, I got this cartoon in my work email this week:

It's funny 'cause it's true!! Or, I should say, it's... so... likely!
But the good thing about being a stranger in a strange church is that it reminds me that there are strangers in my church every week, some peeking in (because they've seen a Catholics Come Home ad?) and some Professional Catholics like m'self. You can't tell by looking! In fact, today the priest at the parish I visited mentioned the Eucharistic miracle at Lanciano in Italy and I was so simutaneously intrigued and disgusted that I had to google it on my iphone, right there during the homily. I know, totally bad behavior. But the point is, you can't tell a book by its cover- anyone in the pews around me could have looked upon my frown and iphone use and judged me harshly, or sniffed in disgust when I passed the basket without adding to it (I realized on my way there that I had no cash, and didn't have time to stop at an ATM and even if I did I wasn't about to give a 20, and there was definitely not time to stop and break a 20, and although I did have change and I know every bit counts, I did not want to be that person who tosses a handful of clangy change into the basket...) and that must remind me not to judge people at my church who look sheepishly at their hymn books when the baskets slide by their shoulders. Let's all just assume that those people give weekly, through online giving, which is totally possible in almost all parishes these days. Okay?
Anyway, this was a small parish that had been tha-rough The Ringer back in the beginnings of the clergy abuse scandal, and they seem to be doing well. By 10 after, right on Catholic-schedule, the church was pretty full, with lots of kids, and everyone sang and was friendly. The homily was long but not too shabby, and while it wasn't the very best in exegesis it was solid and based on the Eucharist, this being the Solemnity of the Body and Blood of Christ. It made me think, and made me google, which is not a bad goal for the modern homily, now that I think of it...
Happy Sunday everyone.

Too bad it's raining.

2011-06-25T13:03:00.002-05:00

We stop to take advantage of a pause in the incessant rain, not to complain (see blog title) buy to creep out and check on the waterlogged garden and save the worms gasping on the sidewalks and gaze up at the sky for the first time in days without getting an eyeful of rain.
Yesterday was a day off for me and a home-alone day, to boot- I used the rain as an excuse to do very little chores and to take naps. I had a lovely solo dinner and caught up on the DVR and read my secular book (Super Sad True Love Story... so far it's dark but quirky, my kind of book!) and tried not to anger Mother Nature (ahem, to clean the selfishness out of my soul) by not complaining about the grossness out there, because next week it really needs NOT to rain. We both have camp trips coming up and in the case of my trip, soggy camping is considerably less fun than dry camping... and for Scott, soggy camp trips with hundreds of bored and cranky teenagers are seriously less fun than dry camp. So. Let it rain, for now.
Today we're wandering around the house, with all the doable chores already done and it's too soon to start the rest of the chores, and other chores like laundry aren't worth doing when it's so DAMP. So, I dunno, maybe we'll go shopping. Or, take naps. Scott is back to work tomorrow, so we won't go far or stay out late, but it smells funky here, and the sink is clogged, and... aw, too bad it's raining.
Oh, the colonoscopy? All's well! Thanks for asking!

The Turd Degree (sorry!)

2011-06-20T21:23:00.005-05:00

I am tantalizingly close to vacation week. I worked today (and was super-productive! What is it about weeks-before-vacations??) but am taking tomorrow off (until evening LEX) to take a certain beloved someone for a colonoscopy. Tonight has been preparation night, which basically means we just wait around... for the other... poo... to drop... It has been SO hard not making jokes like that all day.
Anyway, for an introvert, taking someone to the hospital for a procedure is an exciting prospect! I have my book and another book all ready to go, despite the fact that the procedure is only supposed to take about 30 minutes. I figure with waiting time and recovery time, I should get in a few chapters. I have been trying not to eat in front of him, because he cannot eat, and I am trying not to have to go to the bathroom, so as not to take up the only seat in there. I'm weirdly psyched to go to the hospital, where there is a Starbucks IN THE LOBBY and comfy seats and free wifi.
Well, I am sure that the procedure will go smoothly (wokka wokka) and everything will come out just fine (Stop! My side!!) so it's not a stressful trip... for me. I will not giggle, and will not make poop jokes, and will not bait him into saying inappropriate things under anesthesia, this I vow. After tomorrow, one more day of work and then I'm freeeeeeeee to rest and relax and read stuff. I can hardly wait.

7 Quick (random) Takes

2011-06-17T10:02:00.005-05:00

So. In no particular order:
1) I just took a bite of my first strawberry of the season. I love that moment! We haven't had a lot of sun, so our strawberry plants have a lot of tiny, deformed, white nubs of berries on them but one went all the way and turned a gorgeous red. I picked it yesterday but set it on the kitchen windowsill to prolong the anticipation. The taste was surprising, like a memory recovered. MMMM I love strawberry season!
2) If there's one thing I regret about my child-free state it's the loss of the opportunity to name someone. I think that would be such an honor, and I can imagine it would be fulfilling and fascinating to watch someone grow into the name I've given them. I kind of collect names in my head, and when I hear names on the radio I often pair them with my last name to see how they'd sound, and imagine the kind of person who would have that name. Fortunately, we get to name whatever pets we'll have for the rest of our lives, and I want you to know I take that responsibility just as seriously.
3) If there are two things I mull over in the car, in my alone time, while listening to the radio, they are names of non-babies, and songs I could sing at Karaoke. Don't get me wrong, I'm never going to sing karaoke, but it's fun to imagine it. My dream song would be "Loving You" by Minnie Riperton, but I'd get the crowd to sing the high notes, and that would be funny. You see my singing career and comedy career are intertwined, and similarly non-existent.
4) Even though things have slowed down considerably, and work is a breeze these days (I spent a lot of time this week reading all the journals that came in the mail over the winter that I didn't have time to read) I still am aching for a vacation week. I'll get one, too, starting next Thursday. Even if work is not slave-labor, there's something about vacation that just hits a giant re-set button for me. I can't wait.
5) I watched the whole Bruins Stanley Cup series, and it was a lot of fun! You know I love school and team spirit, and that I reflexively get choked up at the sound of cheering so this is perfection for me, even though I am generally not one to watch hockey and would never make it through their 13-month season (it's longer than this sentence!!), especially with the amount of tension in those games! I prefer a nice leisurely game of baseball, or the short-term crazed burst of excitement of the Tour De France. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is Yay Bruins! It has been fun being a near-Bostonian during this time.
6) We attended a big fest in honor of our friend who has been in ministry at a nearby parish for over 15 years. As we stood there, watching him being presented with citations and gifts and celebrated by people who talked about how he has touched their lives, Scott and I came to the same conclusion: we can do anything in this ministry job. We can do trips, we can do new groups and ministries, we can do new things, we can stretch and grow and develop. The world is our oyster. It was very inspiring and I think having seen his success, we're going to work on our own.
7) Scott and I are off to see Katherine soon, and are willing the rain to go away so we can walk with her around her neighborhood. I have been learning a lot about myself through hanging out with Katherine, and seeing myself through our conversations together. We talk about big stuff like God and Glee, but also about science, a lot- it turns out I'm into science! Who would ever have thought? (Not, certainly, my Mom.) Last week Katherine asked me a science question and I thought "huh! I'm a science geek!" She is a bona-fide scientist, so it was kind of an honor. Oh, and just to be clear, I don't KNOW anything about science, but I find it all pretty fascinating. That's something, right? Even though I don't know much? Like having a sense of humor even while not being funny.
Anyway, Happy 7 things. Our Quick Takes hostess (over at www.Conversiondiary.com) is having a much more significant week than I, so do go take a look.

Earworms

2011-06-13T20:42:00.001-05:00

This week, I can't get this song out of my head. Enjoy!

Risky

2011-06-12T20:34:00.004-05:00

This afternoon, the doorbell rang at the rectory. The offices are closed on Sundays- no one's in on duty to handle doorbells and phone calls, because the staff on Sunday are usually running around doing other things. But the truth is, even if someone is around on a Sunday afternoon and the doorbell rings, we are prone not to answer. It's because if we are in the rectory, it's because we taking a break or grabbing a quick bite, or because... well, you just never know what you'll find when you answer the door at a rectory, off-hours. I usually don't answer if I'm there because I don't know how to do some of the things that people come to the door for (like getting a Mass card or whatever) and I don't like to answer the door when there's no one around to ensure my safety. I know, it sounds mean to leave a doorbell unanswered, but often, people who reach past the "CLOSED" sign to ring the doorbell can be... scary. A priest in our Archdiocese was stabbed in the eye several years back, answering the door at off-hours- I know, right?? It's just... risky. But today I was having lunch with Scott and one of the priests was also in the building, and the doorbell rang... 6 times. I decided to risk it and go to the door.
The first thing I could see, below the mail box, was that whoever was there had his pants tucked into his tube socks. It was too late to turn back at that point, though, so I opened the door to an old man who had two shopping bags in his hands, and a stack of grocery store fliers. He had a big smile, handed me the flyers (couldn't decide how to spell that, so I went with both) and asked to come in. I said I'd be happy to take whatever he had to give me but didn't invite him in, but he pretty much insisted.
So I let him in, and he put the bags down to sort through them. I realized that this is the man who brings random grocery items to the rectory door a few times a week- the housekeeper and office manager know him well now. He handed me a bag of cough drops (because, he said, they're good to have now that it's getting cold out!) and then a box of mac and cheese. He said "oh, women love this stuff!" Then, he reached in and handed me a package of English muffins. He said "these are for you and the priest." I said "how nice of you to think of us!" and he said "Well, I'm a Roman Catholic. And as they say, everything counts. It takes a penny to make a dollar, and one prayer counts too." He combined his other items into one bag and said to himself out loud, "I'm so happy." I saw him out and he said "now, I want you to have one of those English muffins, maybe with some jelly!" and I promised him I'd have one.
I am so glad I answered the door. I think it's possible we made each other's day- he was so happy to give, and I am so blessed to receive.

Mmmmmm, that feels great.

2011-06-07T21:20:00.004-05:00

It's ten years, officially, and so far so good. Our anniversary trip was flat-out wonderful- we had a great time in beautiful Mystic, CT eating great food, staying at a lovely (and quirky) inn, people-watching at Foxwoods (we didn't play even one slot machine!) and driving the countryside. Even the parts of the trip where we were just resting or reading or exploring were fun and I loved each minute of it. We had a delicious and decadent (for us!) dinner on our anniversary night. As great as it was, I was happy to come home to our comfy place and see the kitties, who missed us terribly, it was clear.
On the last day in CT, we got up and went to a local spa for a massage! Well, two massages. One each! And this leads me to my point for this blog entry, as I had a big religious epiphany during my massage. My massage-therapist was a lovely, soothing woman who made me feel comfortable, relaxed, and pampered. Her movements were never harsh, even when she was working on my tough spots. I was compliant and happy to have her move even my arms and legs when needed, and I just closed my eyes and floated along. I thought silently, "massage-therapist-lady, I love you. I will turn in whichever direction you move me, and I want to be the best massage client ever, because you, to me, are wonderful." And then it hit me, this is what we want God to be. We want God to be soothing and comforting and always making us feel better, never allowing us to feel pain. We want angelic music in the background and we want God to just gently turn us in the right direction. And we'll go! We'll gladly go limp and let God do the work. If it were only like that, we'd be compliant and trusting, and we'd want to be the best followers ever, because it is all so lovely and comfortable.
Oh, but my friends, this is not the way God works.
Tonight at LEX we talked about this Sunday's Pentecost Gospel reading- it's a quick one, from John (20:19-23) where Jesus appears to his freaked-out disciples after rising from the dead. We noticed that Jesus appears with the wounds from his crucifixion, where we supposed (being God and all) He could have chosen to appear with a nicely healed body. Why did he still have those wounds? We guessed that maybe Jesus was showing that He knows that we too, like Him, will suffer. That pain is part of life, and that death is part of resurrection. He suffered, but then triumphed over suffering. Pain is real, and true, and it exists, God knows. Massages are nice, (really nice) but they're not real life. Life is walking, sore muscles, working, suffering and victory. Massages, and vacations, are temporary. Life goes on, wounds and all.
I don't know how God works, but I know how God doesn't work! (still, it would be nice, wouldn't it?)

Joyride

2011-06-01T21:45:00.003-05:00

This week we celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary! I can hardly believe it. My parents tell a story that on their first anniversary Dad said to Mom "it feels like we've been married forever" (or some version of that). He meant it in the nicest way possible, and she took it in the worst way. I think that's what marriage does to a couple.
Ha! Just kidding.
Anyway, looking back over ten years, it does seem like it's gone impossibly fast, and like we've been forever together. I can barely remember what life was like before Scott came along.
To celebrate, we're going on a schmancy trip! We're going to an exotic New England location, and staying in a classy inn, and getting massages, and having dinner that we'll dress up for! I obsessed for a month about where to go, sending Scott daily email destination suggestions (who was totally distracted with Confirmation and graduation Mass and retreat, and various and sundry other things) and fantasizing about spending a lot of money on frivolous things. But not too much money. I feel some pressure to celebrate up this significant anniversary (significant because it's, like, an even number, I guess... they've all been fairly significant so far though.) Now that we've booked and it's practically here I am trying not to look at travel things anymore, like the Yankee Magazine I just bought, and trying not to get so excited that I wreck the whole thing, like someone hugging a kitten to death.
BUT I CAN'T WAIT TO GO!! And, you know, 10 years is something worth celebrating. So cheers to Scott My Love, and thank you for so far.

Latest Musical Obsession...

2011-06-01T08:25:00.001-05:00

Oh my, I cannot get this song out of my head. Check it out, s'good:

Holy Spirit, yo

2011-05-27T09:49:00.003-05:00

I have long had a love/bewilderment relationship with the Holy Spirit. I love Him/Her/It, whoever or what-ever It... She... He is. When I was confirmed in tenth grade, I had to have an interview with the pastor and a Sister who was working there at the time. At the end of the interview, they asked me "do you have any questions?" I said "yes, I don't get this whole 'Holy Spirit' thing." The Sister looked at the priest, and the priest looked at the Sister, and then finally they looked back at me. The Sister said "well......... you know how, when you have a friend, and you do something nice for that friend, out of the spirit of friendship?" I nodded. "Well, it's kind of like that."
...
I guess now that I can see what she was trying to say- the Holy Spirit is what prompts us to movement, to action, to holiness. At least, that's how I understand the whole thing... at least, currently... my understanding of the HS changes, I think, as my life rolls on. (My favorite description of the Trinity, by the way, is "Lover, Beloved, Love." Apparently that is some kind of non-Catholic teaching, but heck, I like it, and it's my blog.)
This week, I was invited to visit our parish's charismatic prayer group. In truth, I have been invited for... years... but have never made it there. I have never been a charismatic-faith kind of girl, and even more, I have an reflexive, cynical, suspicious feeling about it. Case-in-point, they invited people up to a "baptism in the Holy Spirit" and I thought, well, what are they saying? Is the original baptism not enough? Would it not be powerful enough to encourage people to renew their baptismal promises, or something? And, are they saying that without this baptism, we have less of the Holy-Spiritl? Or, that somehow we get more Holy Spirit through this un-sacrament? I dunno.
But overall, I was happy to be there, even through my initial discomfort.
I've been around charismatic Christians before, and have heard people speaking in tongues, which seems to be a really big deal to these groups. (I don't get it- what good does it do? But I digress...) anyway, what I realized last night was that these people were truly filled with love and felt God's presence so sincerely. I loved them for that, and admired them for pursuing and living their faith. I knew that the Holy Spirit was indeed present and active in this group of dear people, and that God must be pleased by their passion.
I'm willing to admit that I don't know much, and have a little bit of jealousy for those who do.

If you're reading this, I may or may not have been raptured.

2011-05-21T15:07:00.002-05:00

So today we are (by 6PM) supposed to have earthquakes, strong enough to open graves, etc. I've been listening curiously to all the coverage this supposed Rapture date has gotten. Slate has articles about how religious/cult groups handle it when their prophesied doomsday comes and goes, and about what happens to your pet if you have to leave it behind.
(Which brings us to my favorite scene in the Simpsons... ever:)

I remember when this same guy predicted the rapture back in '94. I remember that there were stickers on light poles everywhere. I was living in MA and volunteering with Young Life, an ecumenical Youth Ministry. I was one of the very few Catholics on the volunteer team and I watched in (silent) amazement as some of the others, evangelical-types, prepared for the Big Day. They made plans to meet just before rapture-time and pray together, and I thought that was nice. (Fast-forward to this week, where there's a Facebook event called "Post-Rapture Looting" that one can join.) I made no such plans at the time, and as nice as I thought that was, I have no such plans today. So, if it comes and I'm not ready, it'll serve me right.
I guess if this is The Day, then I'm fine with that. But I have a lot of theological issues with the way this group is ruling out people and ruling-in others. What is it about religious-types and their inability to say "you know, we just don't know. How would we know who goes to Heaven or what Heaven is?? But we think it's going to be great."
I feel bad for the people who want this to be true so badly, who have taken big risks with their lives like quitting their jobs and leaving their families behind to make van caravans (??) all over the US. Slate says they won't be too disappointed, and will just readjust their expectations... you know, if it doesn't happen. I know one thing, if I were that minister who started all this buzz, I'd disappear, either way... and leave a note that says "if you're reading this, I've been raptured!"

Bacon heals all wounds

2011-05-19T08:32:00.002-05:00

This morning I woke up cranky. That is pretty rare, but I did fall asleep a little cranky, and it has been raining since I turned 40. Okay, no, that's not true but it has been raining, or at least dark and cloudy, for about a week now, and not much relief in sight. As I stepped out of my car last night to see that the garbage-people had left most of our trash on the curb, unhappy with the bagging or something... and felt the tree hammer my head with giant drops combined from hundreds of other little drops, I couldn't help but whine. Everyone is complaining, and honestly, however much I prefer this to snow, it feels like a giant bait-and-switch.
I had convinced myself that once it got up to 50 degrees and stayed there, that all would be well. But it's a constant 52 or so, and dark, and foggy, and gloomy- and the tree here is dropping crap all over the place, which is sticking to everything, because it's wet.
I have nothing to complain about in this cushy life of mine, but really, this... sucks. All I can do is gaze longingly at my garden, perfectly placed so as to be viewable from the kitchen window... and sulk.
Soon, I'll feel better- lunch today with a favorite friend, and dinner with another tonight... a weekend without too many plans, and a crazy, happy Sunday ahead at the parish. We made it to payday without bouncing anything, and now we have enough money to buy bacon for the next two weeks. I'm in a good place, overall. Maybe I'll just a mantra to get me through the gloomy moments. "Baconnnnnnn. Fridge full of baaaaaaconnnnn..." Mmmm, I feel better.

Canadian, please

2011-05-14T11:36:00.003-05:00

One of the best things I've found through satellite radio (besides Johnny Dollar, America's Favorite Free-lance Insurance Investigator) has been Canada! Specifically Canadian Public Radio, the CBC. I still love NPR but Canada does what NPR does, even better. Most of my favorite NPR shows are weekend shows, but CBC does those kinds of shows all week. NPR has never been able to pull that off (see: Bryant Park Project). They seem to think it must be serious news and call-in talk shows all day long to be good enough. CBC plays fun shows like "The Debaters" and drama shows (although I don't really get into them) during the weekdays, and even some ultra-specific but weirdly fascinating shows like "Age of Persuasion" (about advertising!) and "White Coat, Black Art" (about the medical field... not about medicine, exactly, or science, but... things that matter to doctors, what it's like to be a doctor, that kind of thing). The CBC takes a long, languid approach to interviews and asks all the questions you can imagine of their guests. But they don't beat things to death.
Case in point: the day Bin Laden was killed (if it WAS Bin Laden... just kidding) the US networks, including NPR, talked about it all day. ALL DAY. They used the 8 pieces of information they had and just repeated them over and over, and expanded on those 8, and commented on the 8, and elicited comments about the 8. All. Day.
On the CBC they mentioned the killing at the top of the hour in the news roundup, and then WENT BACK TO THEIR REGULAR SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING!
I was amazed by that. They kept their culture show Q on-air, and rather than re-hashing the little bit of BL info, they interviewed the guy from Star Trek about whether there were enough acting possibilities for Asian Americans nowadays. The CBC didn't disregard the big news of the day, and I got the impression that if there was going to be more to tell, they'd tell me.
But here's the thing- that very same day was a massive national election day in Canada! And since this was morning, and there was nothing to report, they didn't bother reporting anything, until it was actually over. Well, I remember one story about people getting phone calls that their polling place had been moved (which wasn't true), but there was nothing about "I'm standing here at the blahblah polling site, and the people are standing in line to vote. You, sir, why are you voting today?" like we have to suffer every election day here, major or not as major.
So as a service to you, my dear "south of the border" friends, here's a list of my fave CBC shows:
Wiretap (a funny one. I listen to this show on my ipod while I'm grocery shopping, and often laugh out loud, confounding the angry old people who are shopping around me.)
Rewind (this one is pulled from the archives of the CBC and are so interesting, just the differences in attitudes about everything is striking in every show)
Vinyl Cafe (Canadian Prairie Home Companion. I love the stories. Somehow though every Canadian musician they feature sounds like a homey kind of Minnie Mouse...)
Age of Persuasion- (about the industry but FASCINATING! Plus, they play a lot of old ads from tv and radio, so fun)
The Debaters (they really do debate, but about funny things, and in funny ways. I often laugh out loud at my desk listening to this show)
Q (daily magazine show, culture and such- not TMZ but not artsy-schmartzy either.)
As It Happens (This daily news round-up show is worth a listen if only for the puns that they kick off the show with, based on the headlines. But also, they deal with real news and then some odd news too. A great mix.)
...and so many more. And while we're at it, here's a final word about how awesome Canada is:

(video credits on youtube)

It's true, after all.

2011-05-11T15:35:00.001-05:00

As a child of the (ahem) late 60's, I was raised in newly post-Vatican 2 Church. I've often heard the Church of this time scoffed at because instead of teaching the Baltimore Catechism, they taught a near-constant and simple message of God's love. Well, I'll tell you what- that simple message has helped sustain my faith and inspired my learning (like, of the catechism!) every day since I was a child, in that groovy and love-filled Church. So in case you've forgotten, here's a reminder of something very important:
God Loves You - Video- Beliefnet.com

God Loves You.

2011-05-11T15:31:00.001-05:00

Almosting

2011-05-08T21:00:00.003-05:00

It's an almost time of year. I'm almost done with school (until the summer session starts in July) and it's almost warm enough to switch to capri pants full-time. We're almost finished with a great season of faith formation and I'm almost ready to start doing LEX again. My garden is almost planted and the yard is almost clean, which means it's almost Friday Fires time again. I love this time of year but it is racing by so quickly that I keep reminding myself to PAY ATTENTION. Maybe by paying close attention I can avoid getting to the end of spring and feeling like I've missed it.
And for crying out loud, Scott and I have been married almost ten years. How on earth? I haven't even sent out all my thank you cards for the bridal shower yet! (If you haven't gotten yours yet, don't give up hope. I still have them, and they're even stamped! I supposed I'll need to add some postage now, though... better put that whole thing on hold.)
Now it's almost time for bed, and I should get some studying in before I turn in. I'm almost ready for this Old Testament final.

Get Moving

2011-05-04T20:04:00.002-05:00

This weekend we headed to Martha's Vineyard (that's "The Vineyard" around here... you know, it's "On The Cape." I know I've lived in MA for almost 20 years now but I still can make fun of these people and their insider names for their towns and such. They're very proud of this, and donuts to dollars someone will correct me for that last statement, saying that The Vineyard is not technically on The Cape, or something...).
It was beautiful, and we stayed in a beautiful house that our beautiful friend rented. We were there for a fund raising ride, and true to my athletic form I did not one moment of training. I, let's face it, am a sedentary person.
This is really striking me nowadays, as I'm watching my mother abandon every effort to use her muscles. She's gotten weaker and weaker over the years, and now she's to the point that she has a chair that lifts her up, and a scooter which she apparently drives around her too-small house, rather than walking. Mom had a hard job raising 5 of us and keeping the house, but I've come to see that she (like me) would really rather sit still than do anything.
While people around me (really, an astonishing amount of people!) are struggling with real, serious illness, I find myself pondering: do I throw caution to the wind and live it up, for tomorrow I may die? Or do I start the preservation process? It seems crazy to turn down a mocha chip ice cream on a sugar cone with jimmies, when life is going by so darn fast. But in any case, I am really starting to see clearly that if one doesn't use it, one loses it. I don't want to lose it, so I need to get moving.

RIP OBL

2011-05-03T08:28:00.004-05:00

So much about the news this week is fascinating to me. The night we heard about OBL's death, Scott crawled into bed with me and said "people are celebrating in the streets. I don't feel right about that." I don't either... I totally get people's happiness, their feeling of hopeful relief, and I know that something important has happened, in the death of this man. But, it reminds me of my feelings back when a locally infamous man was killed in prison, where he was serving a sentence for sexual abuse of a child (as a priest). At lunch one day, a friend told me how glad she was that this man had suffered and died, and I couldn't go there with her. A true introvert, I didn't argue my point against hers, but drove home thinking "why don't I feel like she feels? Why don't I want to feel like she feels?"
Which leads me to another fascination, which is how many places on facebook that I'm seeing people raise the question: should we be celebrating the death of this man, or anyone? I know my results will be skewed- my friend feed is full of Catholics and theology students- but I'm edified to see that it's not just me who hopes that (like Hitler, the long-standing bar-setter for people's questions about hell and forgiveness) OBL is in heaven, you know, however that works.

Triduum

2011-04-23T13:54:00.003-05:00

Happy Holy Saturday, everyone! It's super-gloomy out, which I expect will change at around 8:00 when people start ringing their bell and singing Allelu... oops, can't say it yet!
We are on the backside of a marathon of work, which for Scott means the 24-hour (read: overnight on the parish hall floor) Food Fast for Catholic Relief Services, and for me means achy feet and bones from just running around constantly from Thursday to tonight. I don't host any big events but am involved somehow in everything that goes on at the parish during Triduum. Both jobs are exhausting and inspiring and exhilarating, and we both end up so pooped and happy by the end of it that we can't wait to wake up on Sunday morning so we can relax.
I find myself tearing up often over this weekend, wondering over and over why I am a blessed as I am... but that's another blog entry. (Really, I think I've written that one already, maybe I'll find it and link it later.) Teenagers laughing, watching my friends and fellow Christians returning from Communion, the Veneration of the Cross, middle schoolers awkwardly diving in at the Food Fast... for some reason, watching kids play Pull-Up gets me every time.
Meanwhile, I'm darting home to fix things so that tomorrow we can be primed and ready to do nothing but sit around in our Easter pajamas and feast. Here are two updated pics from my future garden, just to keep you grounded... yuk yuk yuk!

Confessions of a Confesser

2011-04-21T07:48:00.004-05:00

I confess... I don't go to Confession much! Let's not worry about the details of how often I go, just... trust me, it's not often enough. But every year the Archdiocese has been having each church open on Wednesdays for the sacrament, so one can stop at any church, anywhere. ANONYMITY!!
I know, the seal of the confessional, and all that- and I believe it! But I don't see the point of going to my own boss or co-worker to spill out my nasties. Or anyone I know, for that matter. There is still something great about that screen in the confessional, whether it truly hides your identity or not, it's comforting to just dump my sins without having to make the appropriate facial expressions.
And, you know, it's Holy Week! Even though I've already started sinning afresh, I am glad I went, and I think it does make me feel readier for Holy Week devotions than I was before. The priest I went to was lovely, and the church was empty (when I left our parish, there were TENS of people there for confession. I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but it really, really was!). At the place I stopped, I was a little afraid that I had missed it, but the priest was alone inside, all the lights on, walking laps around the chapel. He showed me into the confessional that only had a screen and only had a kneeler, I felt wicked super Catholic!
He gave me plenty of time to roll out my sins, and then ministered to me, very sweetly. It was nice, for a few minutes, to be unknown as a churchy girl- he asked me if I'm familiar with the Bible and I had to grin a little. Yes, I said. He recommended a scripture reading to mull over ("not tonight, necessarily, but soon.") and a few Hail Mary's. I smiled again, because I honestly say Hail Mary's just about all day long. No problem. But I left there feeling free, and happy to pray, and ready to take on the crazy, exhausting, exhilarating experience of Triduum that I look forward to every year.
Happy Triduum, everyone. I'll pray for you, and if you get a chance, send one up for me!
(image source)

Happy Patriot's Day!

2011-04-18T18:56:00.003-05:00

Or, Patriots' Day! I have been pondering the punctuation of that all day... and that's just about all I've done. It's weird to have a day off to start Holy Week, because this week is generally the Bataan Death March of lay ministry. (That's a really unfortunate analogy, and I wish to formally state my respect for all veterans.) Yesterday, Palm Sunday, the church was full and busy, and our parish's annual concert was a beautiful kickoff week. Tomorrow, after this weirdly-placed day of leisure, we resume the rolling of the ball.

There is a lot of preparation to do, and then when Thursday evening hits, we work pretty much straight through to Saturday night. Blessedly, I get to come home to bed all those nights, but Scott doesn't, as he leads a 24 hour food fast. But I'll be busy- although I'm not exactly (or even kind of like) a liturgist, I keep busy all Holy Week being as helpful as I can. We are a very busy parish, so there is just a TON to do, and I love it all.
By Sunday, we feel like we've run a marathon, and we take the day to revel in the peace and quiet and comfort and deliciousness of home. We reserve this day as the holiest of days for our marriage as well as our faith, and stay home to celebrate both. I can't wait for the Holy Week activities to start, and I can't wait for them to end.
Away we go!!!

MAlaise

2011-04-13T17:07:00.004-05:00

It's the time of year when people start asking "how much longer do you have to go before finishing grad school?" My answer is: one Summer class, one Fall class, and my graduate project. This summer I'm taking a popular Ecclesiology class with a popular professor, and it had better be good, because I have to get to school by 8:30 AM... AM!!... every day for two weeks. It'll be my only Summer class in my grad school experience, and everyone says that they're wonderful- "like retreats!!!" so hopefully it'll be worth the drive through Boston traffic. I think to beat it, I'll have to leave my house by around 4:30AM. That's only a slight exaggeration.
In the fall I will take an ethics course, unless somehow I can get out of it, which sounds wrong. But I'd MUCH rather take a course being offered that focuses on the Initiation Sacraments, and I already squandered my electives on other classes.
My project is about Confirmation, the sacrament of, and trying to pull together some theology of said sacrament with the practices that parishes use to prepare adolescents for it. I've already done a buncha work on this, as my internship this year, so I hope to attack that and get it done by the end of the Fall semester, and then I'll be done.
Grad school has been an on-the-whole positive experience but I am ambivalent about whether it's been really worthwhile, or if I'm a lot better off having (almost) gone through it. I'll be glad to have a Master's Degree, and I definitely have learned and grown, but I also am so looking forward to having my life back. Before I started school, if people asked me about going to grad school I would say "I would like to have gone to grad school, a lot more than I would like to go" and I guess that's still true.
Maybe it's just senioritis, or the rain. Either way, I can see a light at the end of this educational tunnel, and that's a good thing!
(image credit)

I've got the fever!!

2011-04-11T19:12:00.005-05:00

I suppose I blog about this every year at this time, but WOW I feel better, now that the Spring seems to (don't jinx it!) have arrived. I spent half the day Saturday raking up last Fall's gross wet and surprisingly deep leaf cover, and bagging it all up. It is super-fun to pull back the grossness and see shoots of green. SUPER-FUN! I totally mean that.
Meanwhile, I've assuaged some of the guilt of using K-cups by pulling the lids off after use (and we use each one twice) and dumping out the coffee, pulling out the filter, and then using them for seed starters.
In order of appearance, that's peas, morning glories, I think the morning glories again, and carrots. As each plant gets too tall for the plastic wrap that covers the tray of cups, I move them to a window sill and replace them with more seeded cups. We drink a lot of coffee around here!
Happy Spring everyone! (un-jinx!)

Bulletin!!

2011-04-02T17:57:00.003-05:00

I think my blog has been a little gloomy lately so here's a glimpse at some happy hope, straight out of our parish bulletin. Our pastor's recovering from surgery so I got a promotion to the big page 2 column! Woo!! Here it is, for your perusal.

I don’t know about you, but I am ready for warm weather and flowers and sunshine. It seems like this year, Spring is taking its sweet time getting here. Lent, too, seems to be taking forever somehow! The word Lent is derived from the word for Spring, so I guess it makes sense that they both seem to be crawling along at the same agonizing pace. I just want to fast-forward to beauty and joy, to Easter.
But that is not how we roll in the Catholic Church. We know that in order to have Easter, we
must endure Good Friday. To experience the beauty, we must first face the ugliness. To quell my impatience, this week I went back to read from a favorite book, Parker Palmer’s Let Your Life Speak. He invites us to look at the season of Spring as a hint of how our lives unfold and how the process of growth works:
“...there is a hard truth to be told: before spring becomes beautiful, it is plug ugly, nothing but mud and muck. I have walked in the early spring through fields that will suck your boots off, a world so wet and woeful it makes you yearn for the return of ice. But in that muddy mess, the conditions for rebirth are being created.”
Palmer reminds us that growth is not all about the blooming – change is hard work, and some of the conditions for change are happening even before we are cognizant of them.
If you are finding yourself at this halfway-point of Lent to be struggling with the changes you promised to make on Ash Wednesday, be encouraged. The blooming may be still in the unseen future, but the Holy Spirit is working in the present, beneath our feet, in the muddy refuse of our false starts.
There is still time for you to Repent and believe in the Gospel. You and I, even if we’ve done a less-than-brilliant job at being the best Christians we can be so far this Lent, still have time and opportunities to turn things around.

Mortality Moments

2011-03-21T20:44:00.003-05:00

I made it all through the weekend and through a really tough day today, and here I sit blubbering after a father-centered How I Met Your Mother episode, even though it's a story that doesn't resemble mine in the least. I just ate almost an entire package of Trader Joe's Almond Clusters, and some lovely wine, and I'm totally exhausted.
It's just... my parents got so old, so fast! How did I miss that? I mean, I knew they were getting older, I've seen the difference over the years, but it still somehow seems so surprising.
I used to think about people getting old, and wonder- the very last time they skied, or did a cartwheel, or ran, or skipped, or played catch... did they know it was their last time? Would that make a difference? A major reason that I got the surgery two years ago now was so that I could run again before I die. That's so grim, I know! But I'm not ready to do things for the last time. Already I'm facing the mortality of my eyes- all my life I thought it would be so cool to have glasses, and now I do, and I can never again not need glasses. Same thing- I totally knew it was happening, but now that it's happened, and can't un-happen, it seems so shocking and sudden.
Today at work we met as a staff to plan for our pastor's absence, as he is having bypass surgery. We all prayed along as our Parochial Vicar anointed him. Outside, snow fell and interrupted our new spring, and I felt deflated, and adrift. I know I'm not the first or last to face mortality- mine or my own. I'm not leaning to the optimistic, nor the pessimistic side... both seem tempting, but both seem, well, too easy.
We read this Sunday's Gospel, where the woman at the well said “I know that the Messiah is coming, the one called the Christ; when he comes, he will tell us everything.” I thought, yes, that is what I want- I want to know how it all turns out. Also, I want to stop the clock.

Call now to pledge.

2011-03-17T22:51:00.006-05:00

I didn't see much of the news today, even as I have been glued to it lately to follow the situations in Libya and Japan, and everywhere. It seems like a particularly doomy time in the world. But today I was spending time with my Mother and Scott, while my brothers were with my Dad, who was waiting all day and then enduring a cardiac catheterization. Mom had been sick and was dehydrated, and we were charged with getting her to eat and drink throughout the day, and keep her company while she (and we) worried about my Dad. The day was filled with looking for chores to do, walking Mom to the bathroom and back, and terrible, terrible pledge programming on PBS.
The news from the catheterization was less than stellar, but not completely doomy, so we are all letting it sink in and processing it in our own ways. I'm learning about myself and how I handle stress through all this, and today I learned how to make fish chowder (it's not hard!) and re-affirmed that I am not going to quit my day job and look for one in elder care; that is, it's not my gift. We did get her eating soup and drinking water, and not to fall down today, so I guess that's good, but all day I've felt like a bit of a bumbler, fish-out-of-water, not knowing what to do with my hands, that kind of thing. Being the caretaker means being a good soldier, too, and not meeting Mom on her way out of the bathroom with teary eyes and swollen lips (my lips swell when I cry. It's not pretty). I want to let Mom deal with this new reality in whatever way she needs to, even if it steps on my way of dealing with it. I reckon I'll process it all through on the way home, later.
Seriously, though, what is the deal with these PBS pledge shows? First there was a tribute to 50's music, with old people singing their old hits- some looked pretty good, but some of them? Wow, they look like they're straight out of the wax museum. That's not charitable. They still have their voices, I'll say that for them, at least the ones who were obviously mic'd and not obviously lip-syncing. But they sing for two minutes, then the viewer must endure 20-odd minutes of people harping at you to pledge, backed by people who are clearly using ten-year-old computers. This was a RE-RUN!!!!
And don't even get me started about Celtic Thunder. They are not fooling anyone under 70- there is no way that crowd was full of real fans, it was more like one of those info-mercial audiences, filled with ringers: "WILL! IT! CHOP!?" My mother swooned over the youngest one, which is a little disturbing but you know what? Attagirl.
Now we're all in bed, gathering strength for tomorrow and whatever that brings. I'm not great at seeing my Dad as anything less than virile, so I will have to pinch my earlobes and be cheery when he comes home. So many things changing in life right now- in the world and in our corner of it. Saturday we celebrate the patron saint of our marriage, Joseph, and will lean on him a bit harder in the coming months. St. Joseph, protector of families; pray for us!

antici.......................................................pation.

2011-03-16T11:40:00.004-05:00

I know I've written here how bad I am at dealing with anticipation... and here I find myself today with nothing to do but anticipate. Today I'm home from work, waiting for a 2:00 mammogram appointment, after which I'll come home (to put on deodorant!) and then wait for my 6:30 class to begin, and then home again for the night to wait until morning, when I head up to visit my parents and family while my Dad has a cardiac test.
In stressful situations, I want to do something. I want to get packed, I want to gather the stuff I need to bring up to their house, where I'll be cooking dinner- I want to find recipes, I want to go shopping for supplies. But, mostly everything I need will have to be gotten at the grocery store on the way up, so I can't gather that yet. My laundry is done and my packing almost done, and I can't do any of the cooking I plan to do, ahead of time, either.
I'm not nervous about the test, but I want it to be over because I want to be able to plan for what comes next. Denial of the possible outcomes doesn't help me in the way that planning for them does. It feels better to do something than to do nothing. So, my kitchen's clean, my bills are paid, the garbage is out, I'm ready to get ready- and I'm ready for what comes next. I just want it to hurry up and get here. the suspense kills me!

Downhill Battles

2011-03-14T20:33:00.004-05:00

Well, well, well. I guess it's fan-hitting season, and I didn't get the memo.
That is...
This Sunday, we will hear about the Transfiguration- wherein Peter, James and John follow Jesus up a mountain, get to see His Glorious Self revealed, and freak out a little. They try to come up with a plan to celebrate the goodness of this revelation (let's build tents!), and consider staying up there for a while, soaking it all up. Jesus, as Jesus does, says something like "dur, NO." He walks them right back down that mountain. Jesus really forces His followers to face reality- the reality of who He really is, and the reality of the real world off that mountain.
And here we are in Lent, which I get excited for every year, thinking it'll be this glorious time of spiritual growth, wherein Jesus and I will grow close and I will have warm feelings of happy religiousness. I always expect it'll be like a glowing 40 day retreat, but every year, it's a little bit more like... boot camp.
I want to imagine that a relationship with God is cozy, warm, and easy- I want to stay on the mountaintop, basking in His glow, but the truth is, it's hard. Ministry? Hard. Real life? Hard!
And I have a really, relatively, super-easy life. My house has, so far, not been wiped out by a tsunami, for example. Still, this life stuff, it's hard work. But... I'm willing to do the work of being in relationship with God, on and off the mountain, and I will lean hard on his assurances that I can be un-afraid.

Simple..

2011-03-12T21:46:00.004-05:00

Simple Woman's Day Book
FOR TODAY 2/12/11...
I know, I know, it's so cheap to blog using a fill-in-the-blanks structure like this, and I oughta just buck up and blog like a big girl, but for some reason the thought of cold-writing is just too much for me right now. So, you'll take the Daybook and you'll like it.
Outside My Window... it's almost hard to believe, and feels like I'm jinxing it just to even mention it, but Spring seems to be... springing. A LOT of the snow has melted, and the yard is a mess. Today I cleaned up the largest of the branches that were littering the lawn, and Scott couldn't resist doing a little sweeping out there too- the nice rocks that our landlord put down in the parking spaces last year are ALL OVER THE PLACE. It's going to take a serious amount of raking to get them back where they are supposed to go, but we're in that giddy, early-spring mood that makes us anxious to don our work gloves and have at it.
I am thinking... about my Dad, and a friend, who both are scheduled for the same cardiac procedure this week. As we get ready for Dad's, my siblings and I are maneuvering the visiting and worrying and whatnot. It's new territory for us, and there are so many of us, and we're all being careful not to be too pushy or too lax, or too impatient or too assuming, or... well, it's tricky stuff, made trickier maybe because we like each other and don't want to let this stress cause any damage to our relationships.
This weekend for Generations of Faith, we did a program that had a TON of moving parts- several speakers and locations and props and transitions, and we handled it as a team- but all evening as people ran up to me to ask last-minute questions about details unanticipated, I wished there was one central director who was in charge.
In both settings, my family and at GOF, it's harder to work as a team, but at the end of the day (night) it feels good to do high-fives all around (we actually don't high-five, but you see what I'm saying) and know we've really worked well together.
I am thankful for... my job! (Do I say that every time?) In our Archdicoese, we're looking at a reorganization, whatever that might mean... and, we really have no idea- there's no real information forthcoming from the Powers That Be, which leaves us with nothing to do but imagine outcomes, best- and worst-case. I'm so fortunate to be where I am, and it is scary to think things might change...
From the kitchen... NOTHING! I missed my weekly visit with my favorite baked-goods consumer this week, which left me with no excuse to bake, especially since Lent is here. Today's errands turned into kind of a long process, and we ended up having dinner at a great local restaurant, and I broke all my Lenten rules. Sorry, God. I'll do better tomorrow, or at least Monday.
I am wearing... I totally got dressed today. But now I'm back in my pajamas.
I am creating... a retreat, for women! I'm doing a day retreat for a parish nearby, at a lovely retreat center, and I'm so excited for it. I think it's going to be a really lovely day.
I am going... to bed soon. MY lovely doctor has given me a lovely prescription for lovely sleep medicine!! I never thought I'd need help sleeping, but I was waking up a LOT at night, just about every time I would turn over. It is heavenly to sleep through the night, and not feel drugged out- I still wake up if I need to, and wake up in the morning fresh as a daisy. I love going to bed!!
I am reading... Not much this week, as I have been on Spring Break. Woo! But I have been reading the news accounts about the earthquake in Japan and the Tsunami, and all the other bad news in the world.
I am hoping... for a little good news this week. For Japan, for my friends and family with their various medical issues, for warm weather, for lower gas prices. Whatever- I'll take any good news I can get!
I am hearing... Some silly movie that Scott is watching, and otherwise peaceful silence.
Around the house... the cats are still in hate with each other, but mostly just hissing and growling rather than the old fighting. So, I guess that's an improvement.
One of my favorite things... oh, I don't know, I'm tired. I'd better head to bed- daylight savings, you know, tonight. Oh! Daylight Savings is one of my favorite things, I guess.
A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: crazy work week, back to class, and up to Maine to be part of the parent-care. Don't let me forget to write that paper that's due Friday!
Here is picture thought I am sharing.
It's Pip! She loves to get into our bedroom closet, although she needs a boost up to the higher shelves nowadays. But when she's done in there, she still leaps out of the closet onto the bed, and I got a great shot of her this time!

Straighten Up!

2011-02-22T22:37:00.003-05:00

I'm trying to improve my posture. I had an awesome massage this past weekend, in hopes that I could start getting myself back in line. I have a sore shoulder that, most days, feels like someone's stabbing it, and some days, I can't raise my arm up very high. And shrugging?? Forgettaboutit!!!
Anyway, my massage therapist is brutal and great, and I felt better (albeit SORE) for a couple of days, but it's really just as sore as before, and probably is shoulder cancer. Okay, I don't think there is such a thing as shoulder cancer. But these are the things one thinks about while being invisibly stabbed in the shoulder, you know?
Anyway, since my massage, I've been trying really hard to sit up straight, stretch out my pectoral muscles like the therapist urged me to do, and realign myself to stand up nice and tall, shoulders back, like I'm facing a firing squad. Ha!
Anyway, it's exhausting! It's a lot of work to stand up straight and sit up straight, and my muscles are wimpy and weak and it's seconds before I feel my shoulders curl and my back sag again, back to the comfort of dis-alignment. And the mindfulness involved in being aware of my posture and reminding myself to sit up sit up sit up is something I'm just not used to. I feel odd, sitting up straight, too- suddenly taller than everyone around me and wondering if they are wondering why I look so wooden. There's a weird psychological element to it, this physical change in my stature.
Maybe I'll add my posture to my Lenten promises, and offer up the hard work it's turning out to be.
(picture credit)

Perfect Storm

2011-02-21T21:37:00.005-05:00

First: last night at the big snow tubing adventure, I listened to one of our college students tell about a revelation he'd had that day- after volunteering at the Haley House, he'd been given a tour of the cathedral in town, and said he realized that the Church is hypocritical. He said they were shown a chalice made of gold, worth thousands of dollars, and a chair where only the archbishop is allowed to sit. "It's all unnecessary," he said- wasteful and ridiculous. I didn't have a good answer to his concerns.
This morning, then, I read this article- I love this woman's blog and although I guess I'm one of the "happy clappy" Catholics that she complains about, I thought she made a really great point. I am no liturgical police-person, but I know enough to see when things can be done better. I love the reminder that no Mass, no Christian, no form of worship is offered perfectly.
Then today, being the Church Geeks that we are, Scott and I took a trip to a shrine. Our first stop was the gift shop, and I guess that was not the best place to start. It was HUGE, and full of... crap. I saw gift-boxed feathers, with ribbons on them, that were supposed to be from angel wings? They had recently renovated the place and the it all looks polished and new, with piped-in music (I heard "Pass It On" while I was browsing the clearance table!). Everything had special lighting and such. I was so turned off- the chapel, which was the last place we visited, was nice- but... everywhere, everywhere, everywhere were fund-raising pleas. Benches you could buy in memory of someone, candles for the candle chapel, and donation requests at every turn. On the end of each pew in the chapel sat a large envelope that said "remember me... remember us!"
I thought of Simcha's article and realized that I am on the whole much more comfortable with imperfect worship than perfect- I'd rather a church building be shabby and full of friendly, sincere-faithed people (I know, I know that's not a word but you know what I mean).
Don't get me wrong, I don't think the Church should ever stop trying to do liturgy well. I know there are standards to good Mass. But I'd rather be in a tin church before a clay chalice with good people and a great homily than surrounded by strangers in a cathedral decked in gold. I don't even mind clapping a few times.

What a Difference a Day Makes

2011-02-16T11:29:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was discontent of my Winter. I was driving along with the sun in my eyes and the wind blowing my car around- my windshield washer fluid tank was empty, and the new bottle of fluid I'd bought, but had neglected to put in, was rolling around the back of my car, smashing against things whenever I took turns. Still, it was too cold to get out and fill the damned thing up.

Plus, I was trying to drive with the sun in my eyes AND read directions- so I was switching between sunglasses, no glasses, reading glasses... all while squinting through a dirty windshield looking for street signs.

I think the world would be infinitely better if there were clear street signs at every intersection.

On top of that I was wearing jeans that were just a smidge too small, and needed to hunt down a low-carb dinner before class, which runs cruelly from 6:30-9:00PM.

As I was driving I thought to myself, "why do I feel so unhinged today???" I even felt completely dumb about my Old Testament class. But now I know I was just... reaching the peak of Winter despair.

Today I awoke to (low) 40's temps and sun high in the sky. My glasses (which were apparently sent off to NASA to be ground, that's how intricate my prescription is) are due in about a week, so I will soon be able to SEE. I bought myself some new jeans that fit just fine, and didn't have to go up a size. I filled my windshield washer fluid and cleaned out some of the muck in my back seat, and now I'm off to lunch with a friend.

I feel different today than I did yesterday- maybe it's hormone levels, or maybe it's just a new hope born of that change in temperature that helps me realize suddenly that there's lots to look forward to- even warmer warmth, garden plans, flip flops, summer plans. On my way out of the house I crunched some ice under which a tiny river of melt-off was flowing and felt real joy.

Bring on the Spring, I'm ready- ahhhhhhhhh!!!!

Looking Ahead to Ash Wednesday

2011-02-14T16:28:00.005-05:00

Here's a bit of the parent session I taught this past weekend for our parish's Generations of Faith, with some changes to make it blog-able:

(pic credit)

As we prepare for Ash Wednesday, let's look at a little piece of scripture that I think will pull this all together for us- we often hear it on Ash Wednesday (it’s one of the options) as we are blessed with ashes: “Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return."

Why do you think this snippet of scripture was chosen for this day, which marks the beginning of Lent? I always hear that it's a reminder of our mortality, which, I guess is always important- but, why on Ash Wednesday?

To clear it up a little more, let’s look at the context: it’s from Genesis, the first book of the Old Testament- it happens near the end of a speech by God to Adam and Eve after he’s found them hiding from Him in the garden. Remember, they're hiding from Him because they've gone against His instructions, and... well, just maybe they know they're in trouble.
Here’s the scripture with a little context: (Gen. 3:16-19)

To the woman he said,
‘I will greatly increase your pangs in childbearing;
in pain you shall bring forth children,
yet your desire shall be for your husband,
and he shall rule over you.’
¹⁷And to the man^* he said,
‘Because you have listened to the voice of your wife,
and have eaten of the tree
about which I commanded you,
“You shall not eat of it”,
cursed is the ground because of you;
in toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life;
¹⁸ thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you;
and you shall eat the plants of the field.
¹⁹ By the sweat of your face
you shall eat bread
until you return to the ground,
for out of it you were taken;
you are dust,
and to dust you shall return.’

Check it out: God is MAD when he says this! It reminds me of an old parental line: "remember, I brought you into this world and I can take you OUT!!!"

I think it's pretty common for a parent to get angry when their kids do something stupid- but I think at the heart of that anger is usually frustration, born of dashed expectations. Parents have hopes and expectations for how the child they've created will behave in the world. They expect their children to be grateful for what they have been given, to know right from wrong and to act accordingly. They are angry because they are thinking "I know you can do better- I have been trying to raise you to do better."

And I think that's what God was saying to His little creations who, as the story goes, should have known how to act in the face of temptation and chose differently.

When a parent chews out their kids for doing something stupid, they demand change- they want their kids to turn it around, straighten up, and remember who(se) they are and that they've been taught- and for us, Catholic Christians, Lent is the time to do that. If we've gone astray during the year, failed to live up to God's expectations of us, now it's time to repent, and to return.

This Ash Wednesday, when I'm blessed with ashes and I am told "remember, thou art dust and to dust thou shall return" I'm probably going to hear "remember, I broughtest thou into this world and I can takest thou out of it!" and I'm going to try to do better. I want to make my Father proud.

Simple Woman's Daybook

2011-02-12T20:57:00.005-05:00

Simple Woman's Day Book
FOR TODAY 2/12/11...

Outside My Window... the world is begging for a big thaw. It's been so cold for so long. The snow is deep, solid, and crusted with dirt. The roads are white with salt and have huge frost heaves and potholes at every corner. It's a disgusting mess out there! Someone told me that it's supposed to be in the 50's by the end of this week but I will not believe it until I feel it- it's just too much to hope for.
But as Parker Palmer says, the first part of Spring, before things get green and lush, it is "plug ugly."
I am thinking... a lot about Lent, which is usually getting started around now but still won't be here for almost a month. This eternal winter is making me sick of everything, and I am hungry in every way for a fresh start. Yes, I'm a bit cranky. It just feels like it's been this time of year forever!!
I am thankful for... Scott's seemingly limitless patience with me. He graciously gives me wide berth when I am cranky like this, and amazingly, miraculously seems happy to be around me, all the time. Good God I am thankful for him.
From the kitchen... I started low-carbing this week, and feel better already. Carbs and sugar are just so toxic for me. I love the food involved in low-carbing, all meats and veggies and more meats, and I lose weight when I'm eating like this, and you know, it isn't even that hard. The best part is I never go hungry and never have to taste anything low-fat. It's great! Why do I ever go off this way of eating? I'll tell you why. Chocolate cream cheese frosting.
But tonight I made flax meal focaccia bread, and that's pretty good for less than a carb per piece. I also pan-fried steaks and finished them in a hot hot oven, and we ate them with spaghetti squash alfredo and some nice red wine.
I am wearing... yep. Pajamas. But I totally got dressed today, and went to the grocery store and got gas and those steaks. Totally productive. In clothes. But somehow, here I am in my jammies. In a sleeping bag, in my chair.
I am creating... Well there's that dinner. But at work, I'm creating a plan to rehab the ministries in our parish, which are sort of all in danger of dying out, as almost all of them are led by the same 6 or 8 70-year-olds. Suggestions?
I am going... this year is shaping up to be one where Scott and I travel separately a lot, which is very unusual for us. And, what's worse, it'll be our 10th anniversary this year. In the Fall, Scott went to the NFCYM in New Orleans, but I didn't- and this spring, maybe I'll be going to the NCCL conference without him, followed by him being off on retreat the weekend I get home. In June, he can't come on our annual camping trip with me, as he heads of for Catholic Heart Workcamp the whole next week. Isn't that weird? it feels like we will just be passing by each other in the driveway throughout the spring.
I am reading... The Old Testament, and really a lot of articles and books about the sacrament of Confirmation. My grad school project is shaping up to be a pretty cool one (I was going to say "exciting" but maybe that's just me that thinks it's exciting. I have a whole-ly new theology of the sacrament, and a whole new way of looking at adolescent confirmation that I think is going to make me a very very rich woman. Ha! Just kidding. But seriously, there may really be a book in this! Woo!
I am hoping... for that thaw that is promised. Dear Lord, send a thaw.
I am hearing... The Middle. This is a funny show! The parents in my Generations Of Faith group last night were talking about it, and saying how true it feels, and they love it. Scott is working on refining his teaching for round 2 of GOF tomorrow, typing away and whispering to himself. I think I may have PMS on top of this whole eternal winter thing.
Around the house... oh, you know, various and sundry messes. Someday, when it gets warm, I'll clean it all up.
One of my favorite things... is sleeping soundly, which I do now, because my wonderful doctor gave me wonderful sleep medication, and ohhhhhh it's sooooooo gooooood. I don't know exactly how addiction works but if I ever have to go off this medication I will completely come unhinged. Ha! Just kidding!! But seriously, it's great.
A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: Hopefully by the end of this week I'll be a regular glasses wearer- no more reading glasses for this girl with the bad eye. I went for my first eye appointment and it turns out my right eye is TWICE as bad as my left eye- the doctor asked me if I'd worn a PATCH as a child!!! No. I didn't. So, you know, I'm looking forward to... being able to look forward! Har!
Here is picture thought I am sharing.
OH LORD I MISS THE WARM WEATHER!!!

A Comment on Comments (with comments)

2011-02-10T09:56:00.004-05:00

I commented on a blog! On an NPR radio show blog!
I haven't commented on a blog in years, and outside of some blogs I don't usually even bother reading the comments. I think the blog commenting process is similar to that of getting into a car and feeling safe enough to have road rage. Suddenly you're in a large cage that will give you the courage to flip off people who, outside the car, could kick your ass. When commenting on a blog, you sit in your jammies and use a false name and flip off the whole world. Whenever I've felt like commenting, I've been angry, and that is no mood in which to take to the internet.
Sometimes I read them out of curiosity and/or for humor's sake. Just last night, I read comments over at the Groupon.com blog about their Super Bowl ads. I was able to discern that most people were angry about the Tibet one, and I enjoyed one comment that said something like "shame on you, Groupon. Again. SHAME ON YOU." Heh, that still makes me laugh.
Anyway, today I was listening to The Takeaway, and they featured someone from Beliefnet talking about the new Confession App that everyone is sending me notes about these days. They said why has religion (who is this "religion" they're asking about?) been so resistant to technology and social media? They said the Pope hasn't exactly approved the app, but hasn't not approved it, either... and they wondered if the new model of church will be the online forum.
So many responses leap to mind.
1) can you imagine a church that's like an online forum? See above. I'll take a buncha people praying quietly together in one room any old day over that.
2) I don't know about "religion" but all we hear about these days from the RCC is about using technology and social media for evangelization, etc. There doesn't seem to be much resistance there, except here in Boston where everyone is assumed to be a child molester.
(oh, that's harsh. I should delete that.)
3) and here's what I said to the Takeaway people. This app is basically a back-lit version of the paper handouts at the door (or that should be at the door) of every Catholic Church that say "How to go to Confession." No big whoop. Sure it's got some bells and whistles but whatever. It's not a local, high-tech confessional. If what I hear is true, there's nothing there for the pope to be against. It's SUCH a non-story.
The bigger story, I'd say, is how popular it seems to be. It's 1.99 to download, which to me is a major commitment, app-wise. I'll spend .99 out of curiosity, but I would only spend two bucks on an app that I intended to use, and use... religiously. Ha! Sorry.
Anyway, maybe it's just me but that's the significant takeaway here. The app is listed at #22 top grossing and #23 top paid apps on the list. That's huge, no?
Last year our parish had surprisingly bigger crowds at Lenten Masses than we could remember, and when we offered Confession on Wednesday nights in Lent, people LINED UP to receive the sacrament. Why this renaissance? There's yer story.

If This is Tuesday, it Must Be Snowing.

2011-02-07T22:11:00.002-05:00

Here's what I should be doing: homework. Specifically, I should be reading the book of Exodus for Old Testament class, or at the very least reading the last part of Genesis, which I was supposed to have read for last week's class, which I missed because of the latest Tuesday snowstorm. Seriously, we have them every Tuesday now. My semester may have started several weeks back, but I've only been to one class session so far- everything else has been canceled or on the other side of a stormy drive into Brighton. So. It's hard to stay motivated. Or, to get motivated.
Everyone around here has been dealing with ice dams and high snow banks, nowhere to shove our shovelfuls. We're starting to go a little stir-crazy, and I think I can speak for everyone- EVERYONE- that we're ready for Spring, warm weather, and green things.
One nice thing is that I've got the spelling of shoveling down, and also cancellation. And shoveled, and canceled. So. Thank God February is the shortest month.

Mandrake! Not that!!!

2011-02-02T11:04:00.003-05:00

Ahhh here it is groundhog day, and no shadow has been sighted. Meanwhile we are being pelted with tiny ice balls on top of the 8 inches of snow we got yesterday, which is on top of the two feet or so we already had on the ground. What does this all mean? God appreciates irony.
Well I never have been too keen on Groundhog's day, except for the annual viewing of this cartoon, and the opening song he sings being stuck in my brain for the day. "A ground-hog's-shadooooooooow just a-doesn't a-mean a thinggggg"
Enjoy!

One Meat Brawl
Uploaded by klangley. - Full seasons and entire episodes online.

Bring On Lent

2011-01-28T14:08:00.003-05:00

I have been OUT OF CONTROL diet-wise lately.

I think it's my deep-seated Catholicism that makes me go nuts this year- my gut knows that Lent should be around the corner so I naturally go a little crazy. You know, because Inspired Self-Control, for Spiritual Purposes, is coming right up.
I know, this is contrary to the whole idea of fasting, of sacrificing... I know that when I give up something for Lent, I should still be not doing it a year later... but that is not the kind of Catholic I am. I am the kind of Catholic who lives like a wicked sinna all year long and then pulls it together for Lent. On Easter? I go nuts.
All right, that is kind of an exaggeration. But when Lent comes I actually do look forward to a time of discipline and dedication and prayerful action. I am already dreaming of things to do for my Lenten promise, and have some good ideas. As a low-carber, most of the time (but not right now, see above picture) the nice thing about Lent is that I can beg out of people's offers of sweets, and can blame it on God. The rest of the year, people get annoyed or insulted when I turn down their brownies, or make nasty cracks about the low-carb lifestyle, etc... but during Lent suddenly everyone is sympathetic and supportive of my efforts!
I have some other ideas that I may add on or subtract to my life during Lent but I'm not set yet. A friend of ours writes Lenten Bumper Stickers with his youth group kids, and I've used that with my kids in the past, and it's surprisingly fun and helpful. The catchy slogan turns into a mantra somehow... mine in the past has been "He DIED for me, I'll DIET for Him." But maybe I'll work on something snazzier for this year. It's going to be a doozy, I can feel it. But it's still over a month away! How am I going to stop foraging before then???

Hello Kanata, Ontario!

2011-01-24T22:34:00.004-05:00

Have you heard of keyword-search poetry? Well my counter program doesn't track keyword searches (oh how I wish it did!!) but it does have a button called "who's on?" which is how I saw that someone in Kanata, Ontario is looking at my blog RIGHT NOW! So hi Canada! It also tells me that someone always enters my blog via the "Who is your Unibrow Baby" page, which I think is funny.
On with the randomness!
It has been brought to my attention that I talk like an old lady. Born of my life as a Youth Minister/Role Model, I don't swear much (unless I feel like it's absolutely frickin' necessary) so I say things like "gosh" "darn" and "heck." Once, I was leading prayers with teenagers, and said "can you all move a little closer so that I don't have to hollar?" and a girl near me giggled and said "my Grandmother says 'hollar'." I sound a little bit like this guy:

So?
It's a real old fashioned Winter here, and I am out of love with it. My winter spirit lasted way longer than usual, what with the pretty snow everywhere and all that, but now I am sick of wearing coats and my mittens are falling apart and just the thought of that crunching sound the snow makes when I walk on it makes my teeth hurt. My hair is like hay and that spot of dry skin on my elbow is bugging me and I have just had it. What is this, January? Crap.
Half of my friends on Facebook are complaining about the weather and the other half are complaining about people who complain about the weather. "HellOOOOo, this is New ENGland, it SNOWs here, get OVER it!!" I am staying out of the fray, but you know the truth, dear reader.
My mother and my cat are both experiencing the beginning stages of dementia. I don't see Mom much but I think of her every time my cat hisses at her daughter, for no good reason. I guess that's enough said about that.
G-dangit.

The View from Here

2011-01-18T16:02:00.005-05:00

I've been thinking about that last post since I wrote it. My head spins when I think about where we've come as a church. Today as I sat with a group of parish staff-type-people, we discussed the upcoming Catholics Come Home initiative, and one of them lamented "but what are we calling them home to?" I think the morale of Catholics in our area is worse right now than it was in the height of the scandal- worse, and different. Different because in the throes of things back then, we could cling on to hope that the challenges hitting the Church would cause change for the better. Now, several years later, things have not gotten better.
Now I don't know where to go with this post. I feel all gloomy- and that's not what I want this blog to read like- but anyone who knows anything about the state of our Archdiocese, who still cringes at the mention of the word "Catholic" in the news, who reads blogs that expose our local leadership as failing in a big way, must be finding it as hard as I am to feel hopeful. I think that part of my job as a pastoral minister is to expose people to the positive parts of our Church, to the faith, to the Truth it contains. But it's hard to ignore that we are in crisis.

C'est La Vie?

2011-01-11T16:17:00.003-05:00

I was intrigued when I heard the announcement that the CBC radio show "C'est la vie" would be broadcasting a show about a woman traveling to her "small town in Maine" for the closing of her French-American Catholic parish. I dialed up the show and listened to it online. It turns out that small town is Biddeford, a place with which I'm pretty familiar. I listened with interest as she described herself as having moved away from the town many years ago, and having left the Church altogether.
When she returned for the final Mass, though, she was moved to tears. She kept saying things like "They are taking our Church away from us" and "They are taking my culture." She mourned this Church which she admitted she had stopped supporting and stopped believing in (but fully expected to be buried from) years ago.
This is baffling to me.
Who, I wondered, does she think "They" are? Who is taking this Church away, and from whom? Now, I don't deny her feelings, and I'm sure they are deep and sincere- but, what do those feelings mean? Is this what the parish church has become, merely a monument to our childhood faith? Why do we think the buildings should be held open until we are done using them, and until we are ready to use them again? How has our association become so strong to a building and not to a God?
The narrator said that if she'd ever known that the church building would ever close, she would have done things differently- she would have sent her donation checks, even from far away in Canada. But... why? Why pay to keep one building open while she's surrounded by thousands of churches where she lives?
I don't think this generation, this postmodern world, is completely to be blamed for this disassociation- I think as a Church we are constantly reaping what we sow, especially in the form of repercussions for how we've (or how we've failed to) evangelized, served, and educated our people. So, how did we come to this place? Here in our Archdiocese, people sit in the cold, dark, empty church buildings of their closed parishes rather than go down the block to join another congregation of people who are just like them.
How did we get here?

Leadership 1Oprah1

2011-01-10T21:05:00.003-05:00

I've been thinking about leadership lately, because it looks like a lot of my work this year will be around helping our volunteer leaders become better leaders. But Saturday I was not working at all- I was lazing around, pajama-clad, un-productive. We did very little that day, I'm half-proud and half-ashamed to say. One thing I did do was check out Oprah's new network.
I'm not an Oprah fan- I think she's dangerously powerful and so rich that she's way out of touch with reality. She lost me when she went to Costco for one of her shows, and the whole show was about what it was like for Oprah to experience Costco. She just couldn't believe it!!!
They were showing behind-the-scenes shows of her latest season, of her old show. They had comments from all her producers and staffers, and we got to watch them interact with Oprah. I was fascinated, because they were all nervous wrecks! They all dreaded meeting with their boss, worried that she would not be pleased or satisfied. When she did turn out to be happy with something they did, they literally were moved to tears.
I turned to Scott and said "she is a terrible leader!! Why does she give these people titles like 'producer' and 'writer' when she really doesn't allow them any control at all?" I hoped that now that her show is over, I hope that poor group of lovely, devoted, hard-working people find nice new jobs where they are valued and empowered to do what they can do. And I hope I never become an Oprah kind of leader.

Let's get ready to ruffllllllllllle!!!!!

2011-01-01T18:49:00.003-05:00

We visited church tonight before the 4 because this weekend, we have REAL MAGI walking in our procession at each Mass, bringing gifts to place before the manger scene. We were on our way home from New Year's reveling and stopped in to take some pics for the parish blog and make sure everything went off okay.
I visited with a family I know who sits near the front, and the mother said to her son "do you want to tell her what your New Year's resolution is?" The little boy said "well, yeah. This year I'm going to be better."
"Oh," I said, "you mean, just better overall?" and he said "Yep!"
His mother prodded him for specifics, but I had to admit, the goal of being better is pretty good. I think I'll adopt it as my own resolution.
As for work, I can feel a resolution coming over me that I am a little nervous about, which is why I can tell it's what I should be doing. I think it's time we really revamped our volunteer ministry efforts, specifically by expanding and teaching our leaders to be inviting new people in. I think this is going to ruffle some long-standing ministry leaders' feathers, because they have grown content with doing everything themselves and remaining static. But I know things can't go on this way, and I know someone is going to have to ruffle some feathers to get things to change, and I know, g-dangit, that it's going to be me, that ruffler.
That is, if I'm not too busy being better.

Massapalooza

2010-12-27T08:40:00.004-05:00

I went to Mass 3.25 times this weekend! I am so Catholic!!

Well, the first two were on Christmas Eve, of course, at our own parish. At the 4, which was packed to the gills, I served along with Scott as a Eucharistic Minister. It was so great to walk down that center aisle between walls of happy people. One little girl, in her mother's arms, waved at the whole procession, parade-style.

At the 6, the families of the kids in the choir bunched up in the pews on the choir side of the church, so as to get a good view of everyone in their Christmas finery and curls. I sat with one of my favorite families, entertained by their littlest one throughout the Mass, and snapped pictures of the twins who were baptized at that Mass. It was a real family affair- the family of the twins are well known to all of us, with a 7 year old in the choir too. I found tears in my eyes several times during both Masses, feeling overwhelmed with gratitude for being part of this great parish, surrounded by so many people who I know and love.

(A quick plug here for total community catechesis: in former parishes, I got to know just about everyone in middle school and high school, and sometimes met their parents, but usually didn't... but here, where whole families and every generation is involved, I know kids and their parents and their grandparents and their aunts and their little brothers and sisters. It's an amazing blessing to me.)

Christmas morning I leaped out of bed (ha) to go to a 9 in Maine with my family. The contrast was amazing. There was nary a baby or toddler, which is understandable for Christmas morning, but it added to a general feeling of... seriousness, I guess. The music was solid, the lectors were good, the Altar Servers did a fine job, the homily was solid and all- there was really nothing to fault it- but, it was pretty subdued overall. It made me thankful for my parish. Oh and the most striking detail: out in the narthex was a hand-written sign that said "DO NOT LOOK FOR BULLETINS- THEY ARE FOR SUNDAY AND HAVE BEEN PUT AWAY." This is the kind of thing that totally blows my mind when I see it in churches. It's an old habit, I think, to resent visitors and CAPE Catholics (you know, Christmas/Ash Wednesday/Palm Sunday/Easter only). Even our wonderful pastor used to hold the bulletins aside for Christmas, until we convinced him this year that a great bulletin is an opportunity to evangelize to those visitors and CAPErs.

The next morning, we tried to make it to a parish in New Hampshire on our way home, but made it just as people were leaving. Well, the fact is, most people weren't leaving- they were lined up in the center aisle to receive a blessing of their family from the priests. One bunch at a time they stepped up, formed a little huddle, and were blessed. Many of them gave the priests a hug, and all of them walked away smiling. Scott kept saying "look, everyone is SMILING!!" He stopped a family and asked them about it, they said it was for the feast of the Holy Family, but that they do "stuff like this all the time here." The last position on their parish staff list is "Evangelist." I've gotta give that guy a call.

We left that little church thinking how much we want to go back there someday. I hope people feel that way coming to ours.

Little Drummer Boy

2010-12-23T20:12:00.004-05:00

If there's one Christmas tradition I get sick of every year, it's the telling and re-telling and re-re-re-re-telling of A Christmas Carol. It's a great story, yep, and if there's a better explanation of what conversion is and how it works, I don't know it. But seriously, enough. At this time of year, the Classic Radio station on sirius starts playing old-timey CHRISTMAS radio shows, like Jack Benny and Suspense, and whatnot. Every show does a version of A Christmas Carol.

And if there's a song that I re-start to loathe anew each year, it's the Little Drummer Boy. If they just didn't say "pa-rum=pa-pum-pum" so darn many times!!! But I thought, this year, about what a great message the song has for parish ministry leaders.
I love how this kid (he's a kid, right? Or is he just little? I always assumed a kid...) comes upon the scene and wants to help, wants to serve, but the only gift he has is this gift of drumming. It's a wholly unhelpful gift to a newborn baby and his homeless mother in a barn. But she doesn't say "we have all the drummers we need, but if you'll fill out this form we'll get in touch with you. Maybe during Lent?" or "we don't use drummers here. How do you feel about chaperoning the Altar Server trip to Wacky Water World?" She says "cool. Drum on, drummer!"
(Or something like that.)
Last night at our church, in response to an invitation in the bulletin, over 20 people showed up to decorate for Christmas. The person in charge was super stressed out. People kept approaching her and saying "what can I do?" and she would say "there's really nothing." I tried to help, by giving people jobs and asking other people to help find jobs for people. It could have gone much better, if the people who invited help were ready to accept that help. I heard a Youth Ministry trainer say once that he bristles when he hears ministers say "we don't have enough help!" He says what we should be saying is "we have more volunteers than we know what to do with!!"
Last year at about this time, I think, I decided to "give and let give" and never to refuse someone's offer of help. It was a new skill to develop, this welcoming help, but it has been great.
Drum on, drummer.

crime scene photos

2010-12-20T22:06:00.002-05:00

You may be asking, "what's with that box of delicious looking turtles that your sweet landlord sent you? The box looks to have been destroyed, perhaps by some g-danged squirrel or something?"
Ah, you'd be right!! Check out the smug facial expression on this little jerk!! You can see the picture larger... and notice the shredded corner of the box in our mailbox.
So I know you're asking "well you didn't go ahead and EAT any of those riddled-with-squirrel-germs turtles, did you?" and the answer is, of course, no- because I prefer the almond version, and these were pecan. So.

4 Things

2010-12-15T20:44:00.005-05:00

Here are the four projects I should be working on right now:
Weatherstripping the windows. I bought it, that putty kind of stuff, and it's ready to go but you know what? It's too cold to go near the windows right now.
Baking Christmas cooky (I've decided to spell cooky that way, it's all right, I looked it up, and doesn't it look even better than cookie? It just does, admit it.) gifts for my co-workers. This year it'll be chocolate-toffee bark (again) and these lovely cinnamon roll sugar cookies (click the pic for the recipe):
Also, I should be scanning in old family pictures for my parents' Christmas calendar. I started making calendars last year from all my fancy pho-tog-raphy (read that all fancy and pretentious-like) but since the brief death of my computer I don't have much left... so old pictures it is. Don't tell my parents... that I have a blog.
Wait, there were four? What was number 4? Oh, shoot.
Aw, look, it's already 9:00, too late to start any projects. Maybe I'll just eat the M&M's that were going to be on the aforementioned bark.

Simple Woman's Daybook

2010-12-11T11:29:00.002-05:00

Simple Woman's Day Book
FOR TODAY 12/11/10...

Outside My Window... baby it's cold outside!! I've made the executive decision that I'm not going to bother raking up the leaves on our lawn until Spring. I'm going to consider them "mulch," protecting the ground and gardens from the harshness of winter snow. Yeah, that's right.
I am thinking... about getting up and doing stuff, but instead I'm sitting around watching terrible tv shows. Okay, okay I'll admit it: it's old episodes of The Ghost Whisperer!! There, now you know. Don't judge me. But once I get ready to roll today, WATCH OUT! I'm probably going to get SO MUCH DONE!!! Wooo!!!
I am thankful for... there's not enough space here, or letters in the alphabet, or words in any language. I'm so blessed that it's almost embarrassing. I'm a lucky, thankful girl.
From the kitchen... the refrigerator is growling. Our compressor is going... so, it's still cold but every time the motor turns on, it makes a terrible noise. We are waiting to hear from the landlord about what will happen next, but for now it's still working so I don't mind waiting a bit. The repairman came out and somehow cranked up the coldness in there, see below for the results. The noise is annoying to us humans but nigh on to distressing to Pip, we had to move the litter box because she refused to go near that end of the kitchen. Now we have a litter box in the midst of our kitchen. But you know, you've gotta do what you've gotta do for your cats. Pfft.
I am wearing... oh man, pajamas, like I always am when I write these things. That's embarrassing.
I am creating... bark and cinnamon roll sugar cookies for staff Christmas gifts, sometime this week. I have been able to do lots of baking lately for a friend. It's the perfect symbiotic relationship; I love to bake and she loves to eat baked goods. I love to be praised and she is a fan of yummy food and when she takes bites of yummy food, she says "mmmmMMMMM!!" Love that.
I am going... to pick up Scott on Monday night, and I can't wait! He's at the National Conference on Catholic Youth Ministry, of which I am infinitely jealous. I watched the address from Bob McCarty the other day, and was reminded of the particularly wonderful hearts and souls of Youth Ministers. I am loving my job- LOVING it- but I look forward to the day I re-enter that community of ministers.
(Oh no, I just realized it's a marathon. A Ghost Whisperer marathon!!!!!!)
I am reading... Not a lot!! It's semester's end, and I'm three pages away from break. This semester I took an online Sacraments class and Sharing Faith, with the afore-mentioned guru. Both classes were helpful and applicable but I have no idea how I've done in either class. I'll be relieved to get actual grades, and hope they're good ones... I am fantasizing about buying a New Yorker to read over Christmas week.
I am hoping... for safe travels for Scott and that lots of people in New Orleans offer to buy him dinners between now and then, so that we can make it to payday. That's a hint Chris Weber!!
(ha! I crack myself up.)
I am hearing... shinies and shadows attacking a poor ghost child!! Oh Noooooo!!!!!!
Around the house... you know, cats, snoozing. Messes, waiting to be cleaned up. Laundry, waiting to be washed.
One of my favorite things... is a whole Saturday without any plans!! This week, while Scott has been gone, I've had something scheduled every day and every night. Nary a chance to take a breath and watch trashy tv. It's so nice to have an entire day... such luxury!!
A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: Well there's not much rest-of-the-week left, but
while I have you, I'll share that when Scott's away I have some rituals that I always do, besides watching GW. Like, I leave the bed unmade, wear ugly pajamas, leave the shower curtain open and the toilet lid up, and open all the shades to let lots of light in the apartment. It's not that we live in darkness when he's here, but he has less appreciation for light-filled, open-windowed living than I do. I also do some secret projects, which I won't outline here because he is my most faithful reader. Suffice it to say a lot shall be done, mwahahahahahaaaa!!!
Here is picture thought I am sharing.
This is what a frozen egg looks like! How fun is that?? Thanks mister refrigerator repair man!!

Mother Theresa I'm not.

2010-12-10T22:53:00.005-05:00

Hot on the heels of the Coach purse conversation, I was approached at church the other day, minutes before the Immaculate Conception Mass, by a woman who said "I'm homeless, and my luggage is in a cab outside, and I have no money and the shelters are full, and I'm wondering... can I just sleep here tonight?"
There I was, in a big beautiful, warm, dry church. I had no money on me that I could give her, and she wasn't asking for any. But, I couldn't offer her the church building to stay overnight in. As shameful as it felt, the church building isn't something I have the authority to give. I led her to a woman who works at the town's soup kitchen, but she said she knew the shelters were full, and she too had nothing to give. The woman thanked us anyway and headed for the door. I watched her leave and wished I'd at least invited her to stay for a warm hour and some cookies after Mass. It all happened pretty fast. As she left, one of the Lectors who was standing at the door of the church said "I just hope she doesn't sneak downstairs and sleep there." I thought, "I kind of hope she does..."
I know that there are people who are gifted for taking care of the poor, and although I think I have a heart for the poor, I am not that person. I imagine someone like Mother Theresa would find a spot for this woman to sleep, toot-sweet, and talk the cabbie into comping her ride, too. I do not have the instincts for that- all I could manage to do was apologize dumbly and pat at my empty pockets.
So as I sat down to pray, I prayed that this woman would find a spot, and prayed in thanksgiving for the people who are better at helping others than I am, and wondered what the right thing to do would have been.

Gimme gimme gimme!!!!!

2010-12-08T09:13:00.004-05:00

Man oh Manischewitz it's Advent, time for giving and shopping and planning and whatnot. It's also giving time at the church. We put up over 1300 stars with gift requests on the walls of the church, from several different agencies. Most of them are for gift cards, many are for towels and underwear and kitchen utensils, and one agency asks for extra large jeans so their people can wear more than one pair at a time in order to keep warm on the street.
But every year, some people wish for expensive gifts. One star on the wall this year is a Coach purse. This has caused lots of discussion and disgust at the parish. This Christmas wisher is being described as greedy- and her star has been taken off the wall.
Another parishioner told me recently that she doesn't like to give gift certificates, because she is afraid that the receiver will just spend them all on cigarettes. I know people who keep McDonald's gift cards in their pockets for when they pass people begging on the street, so that they can know that person won't spend whatever cash they might have given them on alcohol.
All this has me thinking about the nature of giving. When we want to give to the poor, do we always have conditions? Why does it matter to us what someone spends money on?
I get it, I do- I would prefer any gift I give to improve the life of the person who receives it. I wouldn't want to give a person license to damage themselves. But is it supposed to be different? Am I supposed to give without expectations, without conditions?
And that Coach purse. I can totally see why this person is being called greedy. But the place where I get stuck is, I'm greedy too. The things I've asked for for Christmas, they're things I don't need, things that aren't noble. So here's the question that rings in my mind: why is it okay for me to be greedy, but not for this poor woman?
I can't afford to buy this person's Coach purse so I guess I don't have to be too conflicted about what to do in this case, but it surely makes me think about why we give and what we expect of each other.

Two Unrelated Thoughts (and that's it for the day)

2010-12-03T16:49:00.003-05:00

It occurred to me this morning that the older I get, and the more I learn, the more easily I can see the connective tissue between things that happen in life. I had lots of good examples of what I mean by this, back when I was thinking about it in the shower, but now the one that is crowding my brain is this; how we effect people beyond anything we can understand, without ever knowing.
I heard once that Charles Darwin once heard the screams of a slave being beaten, and because of that, was inspired to research the sameness between all people, to work against racism, to change all of history. How about that, huh? Without ever knowing it, the suffering this one woman experienced echoed in the heart of a man who changed so much, for everyone, across time. She never knew it! That's what blows my mind.

On another topic, my cats are getting old. Zarley, the oldest one, has always been a little "special" but now she's special and old. For the past few months, she hasn't totally been able to recognize Pip, her only child and lifelong (Pip's life-long) roommate. Now every time she catches sight of Pip she growls and hisses. Pip hisses back, because who wouldn't?
Zarley needs periodic snuggles. She stands on the ironing board in the kitchen, and while I walk around, she yells at us and waves her paw at me, and paces back and forth, and yells and yells until I stop and turn to her. She then practically (for a 16 year old cat) leaps into my arms and snuggles against my shoulder. After a few minutes, she's satisfied and I can put her down and she'll settle into a nap. But she needs that snuggle.
Sometimes, especially in the kitchen, I'm busy! I'm cooking or cleaning or doing homework or some such thing, and I don't have time to stop, but she yells and yells and I can't not stop and give her a snuggle. I'm always glad I did, because a snuggle is always as good for me as it is for Zarley.
I think my relationship with God is similar. I often don't stop and turn to God until He waves his paw at me and yells and yells and yells. When I do finally turn to Him, it's so good for me. I don't know if God needs time with me like Zarley does, but He knows I need time with Him.

That's it for deep thinking for me today. I'm going to spend the rest of the night making meatloaf, peanut-butter popcorn, and snuggling. Perfection.

Nun-nun-nun-nunnnnn!!!

2010-12-01T17:49:00.004-05:00

A couple of weeks back I went for my yearly physical. I was sick with this nasty cold that everyone has right now, and feeling pretty lousy. I thought, seriously, about canceling my doctor's appointment because I felt so crappy. But I guess that would be counter-productive, so instead I dragged myself in.
My nurse practitioner does an EKG for everyone "over a certain age" and that is me. She said that my heart rate was speedy, and that plus my complaint of heart palpitations (NO, not panic attacks.) at night sometimes (really only a few times) might not be peri-menopause. So she ordered me to get an Echocardiograph... an ultrasound of my heart, that is, and wear a heart monitor for a day.
Yesterday was heart monitor day. I pretended I was the bionic woman all day and went "nun-nun-nun-nunnnnn" whenever I moved quickly. Only those of us "over a certain age" would even know what that is, but it made me giggle.

(check it out, the picture on the lunchbox is of Jamie ripping a phone book in half in front of a junior high class!!)

Anyway, part of the deal with this monitor is that you have to list your "activities" whenever you do some. There's a list of example activities: sitting, bowel movement, jogging, sexual activity...
It's a curious exercise to describe to a doctor, in one line, what I do during the day. At one point I did a walk-through of the chapel and church which entailed stocking a cupboard with paper cups, stopping to pray in front of the Blessed Sacrament, running up stairs, organizing Advent materials, writing on a white board, greeting pray-ers. How would you title that "activity?"
And later, when it was time for Lex, I thought, "is it important that I mention that I'll be at a bar, having dinner? Do I specify that I'll be leading a bible study?" It was just hard to discern what would be an important factor to the doctor reading my diary.
Today I watched the ultrasound tech sweep over my heart and show me my valves. I was riveted at seeing it happen right in front of me, and hearing the sounds of it from all different angles. I started to worry that she was sure taking a lot of recordings/pictures, and thinking "that valve looks kinda funny..." but in truth I have no idea what my valve should have looked like. It was flapping away, and that must be good news.
Today I'm feeling much less bionic and much more human.

Happy Thanksgobble!

2010-11-23T22:26:00.002-05:00

There's something about Thanksgiving week. It's an oasis in the busy Fall! Usually when I'm about to go on vacation from work, it means I have to scramble to make sure everything is set and covered and in place for when I won't be there, but Thanksgiving week means no one will really be there- nothing will be going on. It means the opposite of last-minute scrambling. It means slowing down in advance of that last day. I've been doing lots of reading and writing at work this week, and some fun stuff too.
So all that's to think about, at least this week, is preparing to eat a lot, and nap. Now that is something to be thankful for. And I am!

7 Quick Takes: least effort edition

2010-11-12T10:04:00.002-05:00

1) so, yeah, I've been absent. And also, absent-minded. Seems that when I get overwhelmed, I miss meetings and forget stuff and, well, drop things, and such. I do not like that, no not indeed. I don't like feeling overwhelmed, and I don't like missing things, and I don't like it.

2) But you must be sick of tuning in here to read about my stress levels, so let me think of something else to talk about. Let's see...

3) I did a quick presentation to my class a couple of weeks ago, about Total Community Catechesis. It's a topic I know like the back-a-my-hand, and the group was friendly and interested, and I was totally prepared, but CRAP I was nervous!! I don't know why- and I was so annoyed by it. I could not breathe normally, and would just talk until I ran out of breath, and then couldn't really inhale all that well. I have spoken to crowds of hundreds of people. Hundreds! Like, 600! And I was excited, anxious even, but I was fine. So, why all the non-breathing in front of 55 lovely people? Maybe because I knew they were mostly smarter than me. (I?) Maybe because my professor's a Religious Ed Guru. Valid nerve-frayers, I guess, but I was not happy. I did calm down after the first minute or so, but, aw, you know. Stop thinking about it.

4) And while I'm at it, I should confess that Professor Guru and I disagree on something. I wrote a little paper mentioning the dreadful textbooks I used to use in faith formation programs, and my belief that one-size-fits-all curricula do not, in fact, fit all- that curricula should be designed by the faith formation people in the parish, according to what will work and what addresses the needs of the parish. PGuru, author of textbooks, disagreed. His comment was that parishes just don't have the resources to design their own curricula.
But this, I think, is a big problem. It's true that parishes don't have the resources- but that's because rather than investing the money into hiring professionals who could do just that. Instead, they rely on out-of-the-box textbooks to decide what to teach. Using a textbook series allows parishes to hire untrained, uneducated, inexperienced people (with loving, generous hearts) to do a job that should be done by someone who is better prepared.
NO I am not against using resources, NO I am not anti-curriculum, NO I am not against lesson plans. I am against allowing a publisher to decide what and how a parish should be educated.
So. there.

5) So I'm working on this Confirmation project. It's fascinating stuff!! The central tension seems to be that no one can really agree on the theology of the sacrament- but also, it comes to this: everyone says "you know, there really are NO requirements for Confirmation. BUT there are things people should have to do to get it." RE professionals seem to be really stuck on this.

We have a free gift for you! Here's what you have to do to get it!

The rules are that candidates are supposed to be "properly prepared" and that is just vague enough that everyone gets to decide for themselves what "properly prepared" looks like... and the other tension seems to be that DREs worry that if they don't put some steps (aka barriers, hoops to jump through, check-boxes) between the candidate and the sacrament, then 1) the sacrament won't be taken seriously and 2) the Church will be taken advantage of. It's a fascinating conundrum.

6) Here's what I should be doing right now: Laundry. Baking cookies. Cleaning the House. Writing a paper. So, gentle readers, you're welcome for this entry- I put aside so much to be here with you. I was supposed to get up and get busy after watching the DVR'd Office episode, but I added the DVR'd The Soup episode just so I could stay here.

7) But now I have to go. The butter is room temp and the washer is free, and Scott is whistling to me, so I must away. Thanks for reading my blah blahs! Check out other people's blah blahs at www.conversiondiary.com.

Sweet Saturdays

2010-10-23T19:14:00.003-05:00

Did you know I keep a strict low-carb diet? Well that's because I am a reasonably spectacular failure at it. I do pretty well for a while and then go to the fair or a party or something and it's like I get possessed by Willy Wonka or something.
Part of the problem is I love to bake, especially at this time of year. There's something about the air getting colder and the bulking of the clothes and whatnot, and it makes me want to cook. Well, what can one do? Lent will come around before we know it and I will crawl, bloated and high from sugar overload, back on the wagon.
So today, which turned out to be an introvert's dream, I saw Scott off to Halloweeny land with the kids, and my podcasts and I got a ton of housework done, did the grocery shopping, cheffed up dinner for myself, and now I'm sitting down to one of my favorite old movies (His Girl Friday) with this delicious little something-I-whipped-up. It's a reverse whoopie pie! Chocolate cream cheese frosting as its filling! And yes, it's spectacular.

Mawwaggge...

2010-10-21T19:17:00.004-05:00

So, I went to a workshop put on by the dioces about the new marriage program, which looks great- comprehensive, theologically sound, well grounded in good research, applicable, approachable. I think it’s going to be great, at least greater than my own Pre-Cana experience, which was just bearable in my opinion and not too bad in Scott’s.

But as a childless woman, being addressed in the group by a childless woman, I felt that old familiar prickle. She began the conversation by stating her marriedness and her childlessness and explained why she and her husband haven’t had kids. I thought this was curious but I could absolutely understand her motivation, because as a married catholic woman and leader, one is always keenly aware of that fertility lens through which everyone looks at you. One day when Scott met a new neighbor and she asked him “do you have children?” he said “no, we tried but it didn’t work out.” He was in the same spot, defending his state in life to someone who had an expectation of him as a married Catholic person.

So, where does that leave me? It leaves me in the position, like this woman, of defending my childlessness. But, I refuse to do it. I refuse to tell you why I’m childless, because you don’t need to know, and because the conclusion you’ve probably jumped to is good enough. And by You, I don’t mean you, my faithful readers, because you probably already know why. I mean... you, new neighbor, parishioner, parent of my students, etc. When YOU ask me if I have children, although I am tempted to defend myself, I will just say “no.”

I once stood at the back of the church where I was working, surrounded by kids who knew I was married and childless, and heard the pastor pronounce in his homily that childless marriages were invalid. I couldn’t help but feel a little defensive there, I must say… and that was the prickle I felt when, at this workshop, our presenter went on to say, more than a couple of times, that “marriage is for having children.”

Well, what if my marriage is not for having children?

I would have to counter to her that marriage is really for responding to God’s call. Marriage is a vocation- and that one's vocation is ultimately following God. That is, vocation isn’t about God saying “I’ve got a job for you” but more like “sign up, and go where I send thee.”

I can only guess at where my life would have led if we’d had children. I imagine my bizarro self in an alternate reality wondering the opposite. But I think we’re both doing the right thing, me and bizzaro me, because we’re following God’s call for us. Marriage may be for having children, it may for not having children. Marriage is for the glory of God.

Autumn Ramblings

2010-10-20T20:31:00.002-05:00

There is very little of a lot of stuff going on, so I'm going to take it a paragraph at a time.

My car is infested with spiders. It has been, and I'm not kidding, for YEARS. I may have mentioned it here before, even. They seem to have settled, for several generations, in my rack (that is, the rails on top of my car. What is that, a ski rack? I don't ski... anyway, I know the title "my rack" is less than perfect. Let's move on) but they move in when it gets cooler, or warmer. What I'm trying to say is that at any given point a white or pale-ish yellow spider may drop down in front of me while I'm driving... or walk across my visor... or my window, or my windshield. I think these are the spiders, and now that I know that I'm a little bit more creeped out than I was before I knew. And now that you know, you'll never want to ride in my car, will you?

This semester is plugging along, and I am finding myself (right on schedule I suppose) pining for my life back. My main problem this year is a lack of definable deadlines. One class requires six 2-page papers, you know, whenever. One is online and asks that I post, several times. And my internship is totally self-motivated and such. That is, it's up to me to do all that STUFF involved in making it happen. I don't do well with amorphous requirements. I do all my best work at the last minute, and when there are no last minutes, well...

I hate halloween. I have no real great reason, I wasn't bitten by a halloween when I was a kid or anything, I just don't care for it. And it's freaking EVERYWHERE. I am loving the fall colors when I get a chance to notice them, but the orange and black crap everywhere is really annoying to me. Scott pretends not to like it but he really does, and that's his prerogative, and I fully support it, but not to the point of hanging stupid decorations up. On halloween night, Scott does it up big, and I sit in the living room watching non-scary tv and waiting for it to all be over. There, I've said my piece.

That's all for now.

I think I read somewhere that 70% of blog titles include the words "sorry for not posting much lately..."

2010-10-11T11:27:00.003-05:00

I know, I know, I haven't been posting. It's just... you know, I've been busy (like sonic boom kind of busy) with school and work and whatnot. Also, the news I have to share is mostly worrisome news, with friends in crisis and mine and my siblings new entry into the "sandwich generation" and all that. Lately when I've been asked "so what's new?" all I want to say is "my friend has cancer and my mother is 'going fuzzy' all the time and oh my God I'm freaking out!!" but instead I say "oh you know, not much... same old same old... busy, you know." That's because I don't want to be Debbie Downer, nobody wants to hear all that. Already people at church know some things about these things and when they ask me how my friend or my Mom is doing, I feel a pang of discomfort. I don't know if it's because I feel like I'm supposed to be ministering to them and not the other way around (I really don't believe that, you know, because being church for each other means... and people have agency in their faith to pray for... and lots of other professional ministry answers) or if it's the same feeling I get when I tell people I eat low carb and see them steal a glance at my donut. That is, when I'm working and smiling and being "on" and they ask me how my Mom's doing, I feel a responsibility to demonstrate my (sincere) sadness in the midst of coffee and donuts or whatever I'm doing, and that is tricky.
So this is why I haven't been posting; because woe is me. But I haven't forgotten about either of you, my faithful readers! I'll be back on track right away. Probably tomorrow, or soon thereafter. Maybe today! I dunno.

7 Quick Takes: Bad Mass Behavior Edition

2010-10-01T13:12:00.004-05:00

It's been a week full of stress and sadness so I think it's time for some silliness. So...

My 7 Favorite-est ways to misbehave in church:

1) I'll start with the tamest, which is from my childhood- it's just this: when someone is kneeling, slide the bulletin behind their backs on the pew so that when they slide back into their seat, the bulletin makes a loud-ish crinkling noise. I know, it's unimpressive, right? But when it's quiet it makes a mini-racket. Hijinks!!
2) Related, and also from my childhood- this one requires timing and stealth: just as someone (like, your Dad) goes to kneel, reach down quick and flip up the kneeler, so that they go all the way down to the floor. This is tricky on so many levels but when it works and someone (like, your Dad) has to stay quiet instead of yelling at you because you're in church, well, it is comedy gold.
3) This one only works on Palm Sunday, but everyone goes to Mass on Palm Sunday, so everyone can try this. You have to be sneaky though. Stand and hold your palm nonchalantly, but direct its little tip into the ear of the person next to or in front of you. The important thing here is to look straight ahead so that it appears it's happening by mistake. They'll bat it away several times before you bust out laughing.
4) The key to Mass bad behavior is that people can't react the way they want to, because they're trying to behave well at Mass- so you get extra license to take advantage of this. Plus, everyone knows that laughing in church is the! Most! Fun! Laughter of All! It's forbidden and naughty and nothing is funnier than something happening in church.
5) The old " excuse me" line when you hear a funny sound joke is always a hit at Mass. So, you know, you hear an odd sound like someone scooting across the pew or if the organist mistakenly steps on one of those foot-keys in an inappropriate time, and you turn to the person next to you with a STRAIGHT FACE (that's important) and say "excuse me."
6) Here's my favorite, it makes me laugh every time I think of it, and I can't even wait to do it again. You know how we Catholics take a break during the Our Father, and let the priest take a turn, and then we jump in and finish it off? (Note: This only works if you hold hands during the Our Father)Well, lots of people like to raise their hands (and the hands of the people they're holding) up high over their shoulders, for that last section. Well when someone holding my hand tries to raise it up, I hold it down, and hold their hand down with it. Which would be funny enough, right??? But then, I turn to that person with a straight face and say "I don't do that."
OH MANNNN it is soooo funny!!!! More funny for me than for that nice person who is only trying to pray, but still. Hilarious.
7) That should be enough to get you in trouble at least 6 times, so enjoy. And... don't misbehave in Mass. You heard it here.

Palanca

2010-09-24T14:20:00.005-05:00

My friend Kristen and I have had numerous conversations about the thought of palanca. It's the spiritual practice of offering up a sacrificial action to help another person in prayer. I don't know if that's a good description, but the gist of our conversations has been that we're not sure we get palanca, or see how it works, and struggle with the implications of it-- that is, if walking with a pebble in my shoe would bend the will of God, well... what the heck?
But now, I get it because someone I love is very sick. Suddenly, I am anxious to do palanca- I want to do something- ANYTHING- to help Katherine. I want to feel pain and suffering if it means that she doesn't have to. I want to do anything to help. I want to give give give to make sure that she gets.
And it dawns on me that I don't know how or if palanca works, I don't know how or if prayer works, and somehow that doesn't matter now- I am coming to see that doubt is for the safe, the secure, the comfortable. Katherine's mother said to me "we'll beat this, because there's no other option." And to me, there's no other option but to turn to God and fall on Him and offer what I can offer, so I will do it, whether I get how it works or not.

7 Quick Takes: G.O.F. Edition

2010-09-18T16:00:00.006-05:00

During my first class with the RE Guru, we were asked to say our names and "what we bring to the table." I should have said "I love kitties" but instead I said "I work at a parish that does Whole Community Catechesis really well." He was happy to hear that, and said "Oh we'll be doing a lot of talking about that this semester, maybe you can do a presentation for us!" (Crap. Note to self: kitties next time.)
But the truth is I am massively proud of our parish and especially of our parish's work in faith formation. Last night we had our opening session of Generations of Faith, starting our year of focus on the Liturgical Year, and it went fabulously well- our parish hall was packed to the gills with happy people, and the breakouts... well, let me tell you what I love about Whole Community Catechesis in seven quick takes...

1) Okay so we call it Whole Community, but lately I am liking better the term "Total Community Catechesis" which is what BC prefers to call it. I like that title because the "total" in TCC means total community, that is, that the whole parish community is invited to learn and grow. All ages, all stages, everyone who is present and not, everyone who would traditionally be in a faith formation and everyone who wouldn't be caught dead in a faith formation program. But "total" also refers to the methods used by a parish to meet those people. GOF, yes, of course, but also publications, programs like LEX and parent groups and Mass and Facebook and Twitter. It allows us at our parish to be incredibly creative and try new things and explore new ways of doing faith formation that has made us grow in amazing ways, and the parish too.

2) Last night we had over 250 people in our hall, and it looked like around 20% of them were new. A 20% increase in faith formation registrations??? Amazing. Our intern who will be working with us this year attended for the first time and said it was like nothing she had ever seen before. She visited every breakout and was, she said, really impressed. In my parent group she sat next to a woman who said "I'm here because my (elementary school-aged) daughter begged me to come." Not one complaint was heard, there were smiles all around, and the energy was amazing. A man approached our dre and said "the community here is wonderful!" Someone finding our community wonderful, through participating in faith formation??? Amazing. (and it is a wonderful community, in large part due to this program.

3) On the other hand, I was amazed and pleased last night to realize how many people there I knew. There were so many familiar faces, whole families that I knew. I remembered that as a youth minister in my first parish, I would often have kids pass through my program for 6 full years without ever meeting their parents. Now, with this model, I know kids, their parents, their siblings, their grandparents, their cousins and aunts. It is such a blessing to know families in this way.

4) I love, love, love working with the parents in this program. I started with them two years ago, and they were uncomfortable and silent. They had not been told how important their faith is to their children's faith, how important they are to the Church community, how wonderful they are, how capable they are, how valid and valuable their faith and experience are. When I first asked them to turn to each other and introduce themselves and share their thoughts, they really seemed to find it uncomfortable. Even last year, when I asked them to turn and talk to each other, there would invariably be a couple of people on the edges, who sat alone and didn't interact. Last night every single person, new to the program or experienced, turned to talk and share with other parents. It was something to behold. I really can't imagine going back to a model of ministry for young people that doesn't involve the rest of their families.

5) Teamwork! This year we're really working on growing the team and involving as many people as possible in the planning and execution of these gatherings. We've really gotten a rhythm down with each other, and love the chances we have to try things out. We have so much fun dreaming up the plans for each session, and really get to use our brains in ways I never could in traditional classroom models. This year our logo features an iphone with "apps" for all the liturgical seasons... jumping off of that, our opening large-group sessions each month feature an older member of our congregation (our emcee) trying to figure out some new "appy" on his iphone, and needing a younger person to explain it to him. They use a "calendar thingamajig" on his iphone to look at the featured season for the night. It's quick and fun (and funny!) and was a great kickoff for the learning last night.

6) It's hard, hard work. Last night we dealt with a flood of people who hadn't registered, ran out of chicken fingers and classroom space, struggled to be present to everyone in some way or another, ran around like crazy headless chickens, and then had to clean up! I want to tell you that I was DOG-TIRED at the end of the night, and needed an extra nap today. It is an exhausting model of faith formation, MUCH more work than sitting in my office while the teachers met with the kids. But I felt pride and satisfaction and genuine love of my job at the end of the night, and don't remember feeling this way in the traditional model. (well heck, I loved what I was doing back then but you can see the difference, can't you?) I am starting to think that anything one works hard for is worth the effort.

7) Check it out: there are people who say that this model is plain EVIL! I have certainly noticed that the excitement around GOF has waxed and waned, at least here in this Archdiocese. In fact, originally here the model was cheered and raved about by the "higher-ups" and then suddenly a letter went out reminding us that "systematic" faith formation needs to be the main model. One might ask what they mean by "systematic," and one might deduce that they're talking about textbooks. In fact the aforementioned evil-sayers' complaints about the model are mostly that it's not didactic enough, and relies too much on "spirituality" (blech!!!) and getting the "love of Jesus in their hearts" (oh man, how horrible!!!). What they're really saying is that the content provided in this model is not controlled by a publisher or an imprimatur.
In fact I believe that the reason the hierarchy has shied away from this model is due in large part to the lobbying of the textbook companies. But I want to assure you that we use lots of texts to plan and teach this program. We use the Catechism of the Catholic Church, we use really wonderful (approved!) resources. But we don't spend $20+ for textbooks and umpteen dollars for teacher editions that can't (really, they can't) be used out-of-the-box in a community. One size really does not fit all. The best part of this model is that it's a model, not a curriculum. It can be as formative as you dare it to be.

Well I've gone on long enough... you can tell I'm passionate about this model. Come and check it out sometime, we'd love to show you what is happening in our parish.

Tick... tick... tick... wheeee!!! Arms up, people!!!

2010-09-15T21:23:00.003-05:00

This morning before work there was nothing on the radio that I wanted to listen to so I popped my ipod in the player and dialed up a random podcast from the Vinyl Cafe. This one was about Dave taking his son to ride a roller coaster, and how at one point in their lives, Dave was gung-ho to ride but his son was too scared... and suddenly the day came that his son was ready and Dave was too scared. He stopped to read the warning sign that stood at the entrance of the ride and realized that he had gotten older and more scared and couldn't jump right in like he used to want to.
It was a great story, but one point came back to me later today. The son, guessing that his father would have a hard time on the roller coaster, had done some research on the internet to help him get through it. He advised his father:

Concentrate on the part of the track that is right in front of you, rather than looking at the whole route.
If you get queasy, put your foot down hard and pretend you're driving.
Repeat to yourself "you only have to do this once."

Later today, I found myself in the library at school (oh God I hate that place, it is the least-comfortable, most baffling place ever and I hate it!) and looking down the barrel of a three hour class from 6-9, and melted down. I am so done with grad school. I can see it being fun if you have nothing else going on, but honestly, I'm working toward a degree in something I already do and love and it is really HARD to handle it all. I know, I know, I'm whining. But that is how I felt this evening as I wallowed in the library about the overwhelmed state I found myself in.
I went on to said long class and halfway through I heard a voice in my head say "you only have to do this once." Soon I realized that all those rules for how to survive riding a roller coaster were applicable to my life right now (and I bet the lives of anyone else in education, one way or another, right now). So I re-adjusted my vision to just the bit of track that's in front of me, put my foot down and pretended I was driving, and then repeated my mantra. "You only have to do this once. You only have to do this once."

7 Quick Takes: Projects Edition

2010-09-10T10:58:00.004-05:00

Oh heck! It's Friday again! Gwarsh, how many weeks have I missed at this? My computer died, you know... anyhooo, here we go, with some of the many big projects I'm working on right now, at work.

1) Generations of Faith:
It's the way we do Faith Formation at our parish, and it's ever-s0-much-better than the traditional CCD model. I am immensely proud of how we do what we do. We're a creative and brave team, willing to try new things, even those things that might not work. Anyway, for GOF at our parish I write the scripts for the opening sessions, teach the parent group, plan the curriculum, coordinate the home-kits, and the events. And that's just one project. Ha!

2) Ministry Leaders:
I facilitate a regular meeting for the Ministry Leaders in our parish, helping them to align their ministries with the mission of the parish/Church, and to cross-pollinate. Amazing things happen when they get together, these leaders. Currently I'm planning a luncheon and workshop for all the volunteers in the parish, which will be centered on the spiritual practice of Hospitality (shh, don't tell them, that's a big surprise!) and we have some GREAT plans for the day!

3) Baptism:
Well I should call this "parent ministry" really, because it includes facilitating baptism intakes, classes for parents and Godparents, etc... but soon will include a mom's playgroup for the parents of kids aged .1 to about 3 or 4 years old. Included in this parent ministry, I could include the GOF parent sessions and a future "whine and cheese" parent support group that will be enacted when we get furniture for the room that we've set aside for it... October? Since moving from Youth Ministry to Everyone Ministry, I've developed a heart for parents that I never knew about before. I love working with them and want to help them feel good and able and not afraid.

4) Catholics Come Home and The Light is On For You:
This year in my new (?) position as Chief Evangelization Officer (yeah, I made up that title.. CEO for short!) I'll be in charge of these two out-of-the-box programs being mandated by the Archdiocese. I'm not sure what they'll entail exactly, but I'm in charge of them. So.

5) Gifts Committee:
This is an idea that I stole from a protestant church, I saw mention of it in a magazine. I'm inviting former members of our parish council to form this committee, whose job it will be to come to know the people in the parish and their gifts. The committee will meet periodically to match people to needs in the parish. SO: if we are forming a new RCIA group (which we are) and need people who could serve on this team (which we do) we turn to the Gifts Committee with our needs and they nominate people whose gifts fit that need. Doesn't that sound cool?

6) Grad School:
This semester I'm taking Sharing Faith, with bona-fide Religious Ed Guru Tom Groome, and an online Sacraments course, and my internship, what BC calls "contextual ed." I've mentioned it here I know, but the code name of my project is "Confirmation Doesn't Have To Suck." First semester, I'll be doing research on Confirmation prep. practices in this area (at least) and then second semester, doing workshops for Conf. coordinators, giving them strategies to get their practices more in line with the theology of the sacrament, if they're not already.

Really, this is giving me hives. Just trying think of all the things listed on my White Board of Doom in my office (coded by color to show how urgent it is for me to address it) is making my chest hurt, because how the heck am I supposed to get all this stuff done? There's much more on there than I've listed here, and each project includes several mini-projects included. The good news is, it's all stuff I'm looking forward to doing, all great stuff that I will love, but holy holy holy there's a lot of it. So I think I'll go to Ikea.

Be sure to check out the other 7QT entries at www.conversiondiary.com

Fear and Love and Crying at the Movies

2010-09-06T20:49:00.003-05:00

I knew I shouldn't have watched. Nothing on tv bothers me like the sad fate of an old married couple losing each other. Tonight's TCM classic was Make Way for Tomorrow, about an elderly couple who lost their home and had to rely on their children to take them in. None of the five grown children were willing or able to take them both in, so they were split up and lived with different children. The promise was that three months later, they'd be together in the home of another of their kids... but instead, they were separated even farther, after a lovely and romantic night on the town in the hotel where they'd spent their honeymoon fifty years earlier.
I cried and cried at the end of the movie, for a few reasons. Funny, my biggest worry as a kid was that our house would burn down and the five of us kids would be separated like the Waltons. Tonight's movie was a grownup version of that story... and it's just as scary. And now that my parents are getting on in years and fearing their own future, we are all in position to assess what can and should happen for them. They are taking charge of this process so far, which is so kind of them, and helpful. We are blessed beyond explanation that they have planned and thought about this situation much more than Scott and I have done about our own!
Which is my next reason for crying at the movie... it occurs to me that I never remember feeling fear like that I felt when I felt love for Scott and married him for life. I remember thinking that this lifetime commitment, til death us do part, meant just that- that death would part us, one way or another, eventually. How scary is that???
It's worthwhile, this life, I am willing to live with this fear and face this unknown future where ever it leads us. I pray we'll be together for as long as we can be. I pray the same for our parents.

A man and a maid stood hand in hand;
bound by a tiny wedding band.
Before them lay the uncertain years
that promised joy and, maybe tears.
"Is she afraid?" thought the man of the maid.

"Darling," he said in a tender voice,
"Tell me. Do you regret your choice?
'We know not where the road may wind,
'or what strange byways we may find.
'Are you afraid?" said the man to the maid.

She raised her eyes and spoke at last.
"My dear," she said, "the die is cast.
'The vows have been spoken. The rice has been thrown.
'Into the future we’ll travel alone.
'With you," said the maid, "I’m not afraid."

Lord, please...?

2010-09-03T21:02:00.004-05:00

If there's been a theme for this past year for me, spiritually, it's been prayer. I know I've written here about this struggle that's been plaguing me- the battle between head and heart. I am glad to say that my faith in God, in God's existence, has been rock-solid. I am amazed that my belief in God has not been shaken through the last 14 years of working for His Organization. (You know, I was told many years ago that if one can work for this Church and keep one's faith, it was probably a miracle.)
But this confusion about how things work, how God works and how prayer works, has really really tripped me up. I'm watching a corny football movie right now, and when the coach prays for his team to win, it's practically a reflex on my part to mutter "let's just hope no one is praying for the other team!"
See, I am not sure I want it to be true that God will change the results of your football game if enough people pray in the right direction. I understand and believe that God knows better than we do, what is best for us and for the people around us whose lives our lives touch, for history, for the universe. I get it, I really do, that God is not going to let my loved ones live forever because heck, if everyone lived forever, then how would that work?
But my inability to pray unabashedly has had repercussions on my relationship with God. It led me to walk the thin line between honoring God's supreme power to choose our fates and an inability to trust that God wants to give me the things I ask for... aw crap, it's even hard for me to type that sentence. Why should I get what I want? Lots of children are starving everywhere- why don't they get what they want? In that light, again, I don't know if I want to believe in a God that would give me a great parking spot while a child goes hungry, her prayers unanswered.
You can see how this spins me around.
But a few weeks ago, we read (and did LEX) about the reading where the friend bangs on his friend's door after the door has been locked, asking for food, and because of his persistence the friend gets up and gives him what he wants (It was Luke 11:13). In my research, I found that the better translation of that word was not "persistence" but "shamelessness." The reading is about Jesus teaching His disciples to pray- and the message is, pray shamelessly.
I have been trying it out, praying shamelessly- (not ridiculously, I am still not praying for my team to win or for great parking spots) but I am asking for good things for the people who I love. And, I'm working hard (and it is hard work) to trust that God's happy that I'm asking and that I can leave my concerns at His feet, and trust that God will address it in whatever way God sees fit.

Lapses, leashes and lasts

2010-09-02T11:44:00.002-05:00

well readers, an apology first because of the light blogging. My computer, while newly resurrected from the dead, somehow the router at home doesn't recognize it. That is, the computer says it's online, but I can't get online... mixed messages. Anyone know how to fix that? Anyway, it means I can only be online when I'm tethered to the wall by the wire, which is surprisingly constricting. I used to use my laptop in the kitchen more than anywhere else, and now that's out, and that means I haven't sat down at my leashed laptop very often since its homecoming. And that means little blogging. Sorry. I hope it'll be fixed soon.
In the meantime, I've paid off my car! It's a small accomplishment but I feel extraordinarily proud. Naturally, things are starting to go, like the cd player. Now when I put a cd in (yes I still listen to cd's in the car) I am faced with the very real possibility that it may be in there forever. So I've been thinking about what cd could be the forever cd. Steely Dan? Yes? Maybe the Sundays... should I go with a "greatest hits" cd of someone, or a mix of favorites... or should I have Susan Tedeschi in just in case I need to howl on my way home from a particularly stressful day? What to do?

Starting Over

2010-08-28T11:01:00.002-05:00

My laptop is off to the hospital, or should I say hospice... it looks like it's the hard drive after all, but if not that, then the mother board. We have great friends who are willing to tinker with it and see if they can save it, but if it's not the hard drive then we will probably ditch the whole thing rather than buy a new mother board, since we'll also need memory because the dear old thing was running pretty pokily. So if that's what we need to do, we'll just go all in and buy a new one.

I'm remembering things that were on there, and am disappointed to not have access to them: my handy calendar that tracks my bill-paying, my itunes library, my photos, my stickies, some grad school papers... but then again there's a certain attraction to just letting it all go.

When I was in college I took copious notes and really loved my notebooks- all the doodles I did in there, all the journal entries I wrote during class... I thought I was creating a real jewel of a time capsule, one that I would pore over in my golden years, share with my children and whatnot.

But after my 8th or 9th move as an adult, I trashed the lot of them. It was a bold move and I still get a pang when I think about it... I should have gone through them, who knows what was in there? But overall I think it was an okay decision and I haven't hurt badly from the loss of them in my basement.

The last time my computer crashed, or I switched email accounts or whatever, all my old emails were gone in an instant, before I even had time to decide if there was anything worth saving in there. And I've been fine.

On the other hand, in my office an old file cabinet holds all my original Youth Ministry files, full of good stuff that I never even look at anymore. But the other day I pulled out program planning forms from 1986, copies of copies of ones that I got at my own CLI in Maine. Gosh darn it if those weren't amazingly helpful! How brilliant to go back to the basics, use a pen and the process again after so long of thinking I didn't need such crutches. I'm glad I kept them.

But I'm okay with letting the old stuff on my old computer go- I can rebuild what I need and find all the bookmarks that I loved, probably, and if I can't, well... I probably didn't love them enough. On to the next blank slate.